difficult child is home - Sorry update took so long

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Coookie, Jan 2, 2007.

  1. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Hi Family,

    I have wanted to post a lengthy update but hurt my back..don't ask me how..just making the bed. :confused:

    Anyway, we got home from our trip to Vegas on December 25 (didn't win anything and wasn't able to meet up with Abbey cause her husband was sick :frown:) but we had a really nice time. :biggrin:

    We didn't get to see difficult child until the 26th. My sister came down and got him on the 24th to spend Christmas with them. :smile:

    It was nice seeing him after almost 8 months and we talked some. He kept saying he needed a drink so there may be a problem there but all the alcohol in our house is gone so he has no way of getting any..that we know of and he was told if you want to live here you don't drink, if you drink you won't be living here.

    He goes back and forth between seeing the mistakes he made and a lot of bravado.. :hammer: There have been a few instances of the verbal "put downs", directed at me..but I have no tolerance for it so they have been short lived.

    He is talking about continuing with the electronics course he started before he left and getting a job but I have completely turned that whole thing over to husband. I have no desire to deal with any of this anymore.

    He also talked to one of the other "former" Marines that he went UA with the other night. The one who was heavily into drugs and stole $640 from difficult child. I asked him if he was planning on going to Oklahoma to meet up with him. He said he would see how it went here and if it didn't go well he might. :hammer:

    I looked at him and said..well, on one hand you have a home here, with 2 parents who will support and help you begin a new future, on the other hand you can go to Oklahoma, stay with someone who has already stolen from you, possibly loose everything you have and have nobody. But the decision is yours.

    "Well, I haven't decided yet!" Ok.. :hammer:

    I have the detachment information printed out, by my computer and when I feel my heart start to worry I just remember that he is where he is because of his choices. I really have no desire to try to "save" him. I couldn't if I wanted too. Seems I am continually reprogramming my mind and how I think about things but it is getting much easier.

    I love him to pieces and as always want the best for him but he is a man now and the choices, and consequences, are his alone.

    Praying he learned something from all this...I sure did. :frown:

    Could use your continued good thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I sure don't envy you right now, Robby. I expect that difficult child will continue to go through a lot, and will try a lot of emotional blackmail stuff in the next few weeks/months since he is now right smack in the middle of the school of hard knocks.

    Hang in there. Keep yourself busy and go about your life with husband.

    Big hugs,
    Suz
     
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Robby. I hope things will be calm in the Cookie household.
     
  4. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Thanks Suz and Witz,

    He still has his dry sense of humor though. Last night he told husband and I that it was our fault that his life was the way it was...cause we own 2 black cats. :rofl: :hammer:

    To be perfectly honest...I don't envy us either. :wildone:

    Hugs
     
  5. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    You definitely have my continued hopes, good thoughts and prayer. In fact, you were the star in the first prayer of this day for me.

    I hope your son will see you breathe for YOU and will see what healthy, principled thinking, looks like. I know your good heartedness/deep love, commitment, toward your difficult child and I know how a difficult child will use it. They don't know what they're doing but you can know...and from all they tell me, it can have a way of making the difficult child take another look. If you can begin to live your OWN life with true stability and happiness not ruled by his/dependent on his ...maybe he can begin to live his own life not ruled by whatever is leading his way (fill in the blanks).

    You're certainly more than worthy and allowed to put yourelf First Robby. It's okay to let our own spirits flower and grow for a change. It's a healthy example.
    You are such a dear soul.

    hugs and love,
    lovemysons
     
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Robby, Your difficult child sounds so much like mine. That he would even contact that other person is unbelievable to us. The fact that he would concider meeting up with him an option at all is mind boggeling. My difficult child has done similar things with his dead beat friends who also stole from him and beat him up.

    I am afraid these actions might show that your difficult child has a very long way to go to a good life. I am also so very sorry that he apparently still doesn't get it that substance use is not a good option. The fact that he still wants to self medicate rather than face himself and his bad choices is so very sad.

    You have done all you can to prevent easy access to booze. Please don't fret over this. It is my experience that even when you don't have anything in the house, they can still find a way to get alcohol and or drugs if they are hell bent on it. If that happens don't agonize over it.

    I hope your difficult child stops blowing smoke and cans the bravado real soon. Do not accept any abuse... NONE!!!! He needs to get back to working on himself and his future instead of denying his actions and faults and blaming others. I am sending (((HUGS)))) to you. You are in a hard position. Please know that I am rooting for your difficult child. I hope that he just has his moments because he needs to digest what he has done in small pieces. I am hoping that he moves foward and finds a good path to follow. -RM
     
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Continue to detatch and hope he makes the right decisions. You are right that they are all up to him. We can only hope and pray that someday our difficult child's will all figure out what decisions are best for them.
     
  8. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I agree that I don't envy the situation you're in. But it looks like not much choice, on one hand anyway. Only time will tell. I hope he starts becoming aware and all goes well.
     
  9. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    You definately have my continued good thoughts & prayers!

    I really like the simplicity of this:

    [ QUOTE ]
    he was told if you want to live here you don't drink, if you drink you won't be living here.


    [/ QUOTE ]
    Have you got a good plan in place?? Or should I say, does husband have a plan! :cool: I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does... :confused:

    Peace
     
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Robby!

    Sorry to hear about your back. I hope it feels better soon.

    It sounds like your difficult child is already testing his limits. I'm glad that you took a firm stand on the disrespectful remarks and drinking. Make sure you and husband stick to your guns on this. Unfortunately, from past behavior we know that your difficult child will make you miserable if you let him.

    It was good to see you posting again. I was wondering how things were going for you.

    ~Kathy :smile: (This describes our Georgia weather ~ it has been warm lately and suddenly got cold today)
     
  11. judi

    judi Active Member

    Aw Cookie - I know what you're going through. My son lives with a Mother who gave up her 16 y/o to the state after he tried to frame MY SON for a robbery. Unbelievable.
     
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Robby

    I hope all goes well. Maybe his bravido is wounded pride. Hard to tell at that age and with a difficult child. lol Good for you for squashing any verbal put downs and standing up for yourself.

    Black cats, huh? Hmmmmmmm guess I can blame mine on our Shadow then?? :smirk: :rofl:
     
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Robby,

    I've been wondering how things are going. I hope your back is better soon. I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. I like to hear that you have no tolerance for his putdowns. Keep up on the detachment even though I know it isn't easy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Gentle hugs to you.
     
  14. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Thank you all.. :smile:

    Looks like the road may be a little rough ahead in spots. :wildone: husband and I went out for a few hours last night and when we got home difficult child tried to bestow his knowledge, and the virtues, of cannabis on us. :mad: It lasted for about 60 seconds. :warrior: Still trying to push buttons. Was hoping that his stint in the Military would have brought some maturity..and it did..but he seems to have acquired a few other traits also. :wildone:

    This is definitely a new thing for me...getting rid of medications that have alcohol in them...such as the Nyquil... :hammer: but I guess we do what we have to do.. :frown:

    I am really too old to put up with much from difficult child...think he has figured that out though as he is definitely not getting the same reactions as before..in fact...most times he is getting no reaction at all... :rofl:

    Well, on to a new phase in the life of the Coookie house...

    p.s. He said he is going job hunting today...please keep everything crossed..

    Hugs
     
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Hopefully the change in your reactions will give him reason to change. Keep up the good work and don't put up with any of his c#$p!!!
     
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update. I've thinkin' of you and yours. DDD
     
  17. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    It's always interesting to me what
    a) they try and convince us of or
    b) they try and shock us with.

    Aren't they cute. :tongue:

    Hope difficult child's jobhunt goes well.
    One day at a time.
    lovemysons

    ps Fran, I vote for an icon that shows eyes being crossed. This is what I do when my young difficult child wants to take me to lala land. :biggrin:
     
  18. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Keep posting about everything, Robbie.

    Our difficult child hated that I had found this site.

    After a difficult child has been back at home for awhile, something in the parent's sense of self seems to change. We begin to listen to them, we begin to think that a little bit of appropriate behavior makes up for all the inappropriate stuff.

    All of you kept me strong enough the last time difficult child came home to stay that I was able to maintain some sense of perspective about what was real and what was difficult child manipulation.

    But it is hard to do that, Robbie.

    Sometimes I would feel so foolish, coming here and posting what sounded so idiotic when put into words.

    But that is what got me through.

    Sending strength, Robbie.

    Barbara
     
  19. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Sorry to hear that your back is giving your problems Robby.

    Glad that you are not buying into any of difficult child's garbage. Just keep sittin' on those lips and let husband handle it all. If difficult child wants to go see his "buddy" then let him go. Maybe he'll finally see the grass isn't always greener somewhere else.
     
  20. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Oh, Robby, I'm so glad to see this update. I was wondering how things were going.

    Sorry about your back. Are you feeling any better now?

    Good for you for stepping back. Let husband handle difficult child.

    Hang in there, my friend.
    Hugs,
    Deb
     
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