difficult child is in the sober house.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She is there! We were suppose to be there at 11 but she woke this morning with swollen glands and a bad sore throat so they wanted me to get her a throat culture first. After dr visit and run to the drug store for antibiotics we arrived at about 1 pm.

    I am very impressed with this place. It is in the inner cit, not far from where I grew up actually. It's right next door to a church and they do a lot of volunteer work there feeding the homeless and other things. The resident director is a woman in her late 20's that went to the same high school as difficult child. She was very nice and said she felt that from her interview with difficult child that she would fit in very nicely and do very well in their program.

    Their program is two phases. The first phase lasts three months. She is on restriction for two weeks, no calls or visits. She will have chores and responsibilities in the house and have to attend all inside meetings and an outside meeting every day. After two weeks she can make calls from their pay phone and on Sundays we can pick her up from 12-5. No visitors are allowed in the home, no men are allowed at all. Even the rides she gets to the AA meetings must be from other women in the program.

    Phase two goes anywhere from another three months to two years. The staff will decide how she progresses. Their goal is to teach them how to live a sober life and provide for themselves. We have to pay $400 a month rent for her but as soon as she gets a job they will no longer take money from us and it is her responsibility to pay her own way.

    The other women in the house seemed very nice. The director made her take her tongue ring out and said the women in the home act like ladies. Then the director introduced her to her buddy and walked me out.

    I feel so much more comfortable having seen the place and meeting some of the residents. On the way there we had a talk about how this is her fight and we can;t do it for her and will support her as long as she is working the program. She said she is committed to doing whatever is necessary to make this work. Of course the rest is up to her and she has to prove she means what she says.

  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I am so happy to hear this. She is very brave to be taking this step. I'm crossing fingers and toes.
  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    It sounds like a very good place for her. I was impressed from your earlier posts that she made the effort on her own to get in, that seems like a very good sign that she wants to make this work. This is another good sign, that she didn't get cold feet between then and today and that she didn't balk at giving up the tongue ring (don't get me started - those things are SO nasty).
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy - I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear this. You are a wonderful mom and are a great example about doing some tough love with your daughter, letting her go and learn for herself what she doesn't want. I really hope she follows the program and does what she needs to do.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I love, love, love that she made her take the tongue ring out! How did difficult child react to that?

    in my humble opinion - that is a very good sign. All the things she resisted learning from you, she is going to get a 2nd chance to learn here.

    Keeping fingers crossed!

    Enjoy this first 2 weeks of no phone calls. Don't even worry one bit. Pretend she is on retreat if you have to. Just relax. And breathe.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I loved it busy, I was thrilled they made her take it out. I told them I loved them already. difficult child said "ooooh, do you want me to take it out now?" to which she replies "yes right now." She then said her tongue felt funny with it out. I would have thought it felt funny with it in.

    I am not worrying. My only concern is if she left but then she would be in the same position she was before, hating her life and nowhere to go, because I think she wore out her welcome at the last house. They told her if she left she better take all her possessions because once she is gone they are fair game and will be distributed equally or unequally.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Extra angels.....extra angels. Hoping reality sinks in.
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad she is there and I'm glad you were able to see where she will be living. My son lived in 2 different sober houses over the years and I always felt better being able to bring him and see where he would be living. It just made me so much more comfortable with the whole thing.

    Don't worry about her leaving. If she does, it's her choice and nothing you can do about it. Hopefully she will hang in there and see that this is the safest and most productive place for her to be right now :)