difficult child is missing again
- Thread starter Jody
- Start date
Well thank you so much everyone, I finally passed out and woke up early to a phone call from the sheriff's office. She and her friend showed up at her friends house at 8 am this morning. Story is she jumped in the pool and her phone went in with her and she couldn't remember anyones number and had no way to call. Not lying, she said she was at the girls old house but she wasn't we were there, then the story changed and she said near there. She began to call me the C and the B word and told me I was over reacting and she was fine and this was fine behavior for a 15 year old in the summer and to cool out B. She could not come home in that shape, so I took her to her old foster parents. She is not coming home ever. We were driving down the street on the way there and she started to call me names again and tell me to not call her and to kiss her whatever goodbye, I said I don't know what you think I get out of this relationship that I would be so devastated. Staying up all night worrying, that you have been kidnapped, raped or murdered. Um being called nasty names and having my tings broken and being hit on, but i'm done, I just don't enjoy it that much. SO I stopped my car and I threw her **** out on the road, all of it, she began to hit and kick me and broke the skin on my arm. She said Ill get my stuff but you better not drive off, um sure hold on to that thought. I left her picking her stuff up in the street. and I came home and defriended her on facebook, I want nothing to do with it. Later today, I will go take care of the legal part of locking her out of the house. We will not have a relationship right now, maybe when she grows up and matures a little bit, but Im not going to be physically or mentally abused any longer. Nope not doing it. I am now icing my arm, she grabbed the fat on my arm and just pinched the mess out of it, with her nails, its bloody raw. But it's the last time I will be doing this. The very last.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry it came to this, Jody. And I understand.
Funny, I once thought that if you EVER deliberately stopped a relationship with your child, unless the child murdered somebody, you were a wicked, evil parent. Now I know better. As parents we try all we can to help our differently wired, differently thinking, abusive children. We do more than anyone else will ever do for them. But there is a line even they can cross when we just want peace and know we are not helping them.
Your daughter is in other hands now and you can rest.
Funny, I once thought that if you EVER deliberately stopped a relationship with your child, unless the child murdered somebody, you were a wicked, evil parent. Now I know better. As parents we try all we can to help our differently wired, differently thinking, abusive children. We do more than anyone else will ever do for them. But there is a line even they can cross when we just want peace and know we are not helping them.
Your daughter is in other hands now and you can rest.
I remember when I asked her exactly what I was getting out of this relationship that I would be so devastated as to lose, it hit her she gives nothing> I said you don't pay my bills, rent, provide food or anything for me, nothing. I just lose the bad ****, worrying, abuse, cursing. I mean it I am done. I say it and I still think it's strange to not have a relationship with your child. my mother cut contact with me, 20 plus years ago. I am not doing that, I am not allowing her into the home because of her abusive ways. Ive done all I can do for now. She's going to have to figure it out and then later down the road we might be able to repair some or start anew when shes not being this way. I don't want contact right now, whatsoever and I will be making sure that if she comes over here when this cools off, I am calling the police. ugh, what a way to have to treat your own daughter.
Marcie Mac
Just Plain Ole Tired
Jody, please check and make sure she made it to the foster home ok or you could find yourself up on charges. I know how painful the name calling, etc is but she is 14 years old. And when you get her placed, make sure she is on some kind of birth control
Marcie
Marcie
mom_to_3
Active Member
I understand completely. We had to let our abusive difficult child daughter go at 16 yrs. It really was the best thing for all of us. We do have a relationship now, but I am pretty much hands off with her. It's just the way it has to be. It's funny, because my difficult child and I would suspect yours and everyone else's, want soooo much more from us. My difficult child has told me this and it really hurts, but *I* know I can't give her what she wants. She wants all my attention focused on her at all times and when she doesn't get her way with me or someone else, she wants to take it out on me. No THANKYOU! A relationship is give and take and being considerate of the other persons feelings.
I know exactly where you are coming from and I think I hear that you are at peace with your decision. I hope you are. It did take me quite awhile to get over our choice to have her leave, but like I said, it was the best thing for all of us. Our difficult child is 29 yrs. old with a 9 yrs old son. I don't approve of the way she lives her life or what she exposes her son to, or how she parents him. I am now able to leave that concern squarely on HER shoulders where it belongs. Of course I will always keep an eye out for my grandson. Sometimes when I am talking to my difficult child and she wants me to get involved in her drama / problems, I just tell her "don't make your problems my problems". She won't listen to anything reasonable I tell her, so those words have served me well. And I stick by those words. I am so done with garbage! You will be able to have some sort of relationship with your daughter someday. Maybe not the ideal relationship, but you can have one that doesn't have to drive you crazy. I hope you keep your resolve, you'll be happy in the end that you did. Make sure you quickly clear up any legal doings that you need to!
I know exactly where you are coming from and I think I hear that you are at peace with your decision. I hope you are. It did take me quite awhile to get over our choice to have her leave, but like I said, it was the best thing for all of us. Our difficult child is 29 yrs. old with a 9 yrs old son. I don't approve of the way she lives her life or what she exposes her son to, or how she parents him. I am now able to leave that concern squarely on HER shoulders where it belongs. Of course I will always keep an eye out for my grandson. Sometimes when I am talking to my difficult child and she wants me to get involved in her drama / problems, I just tell her "don't make your problems my problems". She won't listen to anything reasonable I tell her, so those words have served me well. And I stick by those words. I am so done with garbage! You will be able to have some sort of relationship with your daughter someday. Maybe not the ideal relationship, but you can have one that doesn't have to drive you crazy. I hope you keep your resolve, you'll be happy in the end that you did. Make sure you quickly clear up any legal doings that you need to!
L
Liahona
Guest
I'm glad you have some peace of mind.
I'm so sorry Jody. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. Do what is best for you...................hugs.....................
thank you so much, I am so mad right now about the whole thing, so the pain and hurt hasn't set in yet. That's what I fear, when I miss her and want to see her and want her to be nice. I have to be strong, and I am so tired of going thru this. thank you again for all of your replies, I would have been a totally looney with you all.
Jody, this is clearly the best way to help your daughter. Sometimes our children simply refuse to let us parent them, and nothing good comes from forcing a violent difficult child to stay in your home. Whether she knows it now, at some point in the future, or never, you have given her the most amazing gift by letting her go. If she is in your home without going through some major therapy and working hard to change things, the situation will only get worse. One or both of you would end up with physical damage and/or with criminal charges. That would not be good for either of you, and by letting go you are giving your daughter a chance to avoid these problems and any guilt she may later feel over things she did to you while she was a child.
But it still can rip your heart out and stomp all over it when it all sinks in.
(((((hugs)))))
But it still can rip your heart out and stomp all over it when it all sinks in.
(((((hugs)))))
L
Liahona
Guest
Maybe take a picture of what she did to your arm and attach a print out of this thread so when you do miss her it will be a reality check that the person you miss isn't the person you kicked out of the car.
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Good idea, Liahona!
Jody, I hope that you get into a nice routine of 8 hrs of sleep every night, no worrying about difficult child, and doing things that you can get joy from--work, hobbies, dogs, other relationships. Life does not have to be that hard and it sounds like you made the right choice. Some kids just cannot be parented. She is out of control. I hope for her sake, that she settles down sooner rather than later.
Jody, I hope that you get into a nice routine of 8 hrs of sleep every night, no worrying about difficult child, and doing things that you can get joy from--work, hobbies, dogs, other relationships. Life does not have to be that hard and it sounds like you made the right choice. Some kids just cannot be parented. She is out of control. I hope for her sake, that she settles down sooner rather than later.
I'd take a photo and just keep it in case you are ever questioned as to why she needs to be at foster home. Not sure how it works in your area - but the courts here and take for ever to make a decision. How did it happen that you could just drop her off at previous foster family? Just curious. Wish I had a place for when difficult child needs a timeout (or I need one!) KSM
