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Substance Abuse
difficult child is missing---update found!
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 546469"><p>Pas-I am hoping you did not intend for your post to read quite so harshly. I know it seems like detaching should be black & white-the practice of it is so many shades of gray.</p><p></p><p>Let me explain from my own point of view</p><p></p><p>My son's umbilical cut was cut 20 years ago. But I didn't leave him to fend for himself then and while my son may be fending for himself now- I am just as concerned for his well being as I was on the day he was born.</p><p></p><p>When your kid is addicted to drugs- they are playing russian roulette. Every time they click the safety on the "gun" we hold our breath wondering if it will go off. We know we can't wrest it from their hands, we know we can't take away their bullets, we know we can't control the outcome. </p><p></p><p>But we also know that one day that gun WILL go off. We wring our hands hoping the "bullet" doesn't hit them or an innocent bystander. We pray that it grazes them or scares them enough to make them go straight. Yet, we know that there's a real chance that their behavior will kill them and that we're powerless to stop it. So when they disappear-we wonder- "is this IT?"</p><p></p><p>If you read our posts you know that we are praying for our kids & each other's kids to hit bottom. We're HAPPY when our kids get arrested. How screwed up is that?? Seriously! Most parents are praying for their kids to get into a good college or make the football team and we're praying that our kid go to jail-at least overnight. Sad -but also our best bet for separating out kids from the people, substances and lifestyle that is putting their lives at risk.</p><p></p><p>I can't speak for Nancy or anyone but myself, but I think most of us are doing the same things. We're practicing Tough Love- our kids are out of the house, we're not caving in, we are showing them our bravest, toughest, most detached face. We have kicked them out when we REALLY want to lock them in their rooms. We have released them into the risky lifestyle they decided they want.</p><p></p><p>But privately-here in this soft place- and in the safety of other parents who "get it"- we wring our hands and we worry about the adult, at-risk children we love. We struggle here while we are resolute in real life.</p><p></p><p>No criticism meant or implied. Just trying to explain how it's possible to physically and practically detach while at the same time privately ache. It's such a paradox!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 546469"] Pas-I am hoping you did not intend for your post to read quite so harshly. I know it seems like detaching should be black & white-the practice of it is so many shades of gray. Let me explain from my own point of view My son's umbilical cut was cut 20 years ago. But I didn't leave him to fend for himself then and while my son may be fending for himself now- I am just as concerned for his well being as I was on the day he was born. When your kid is addicted to drugs- they are playing russian roulette. Every time they click the safety on the "gun" we hold our breath wondering if it will go off. We know we can't wrest it from their hands, we know we can't take away their bullets, we know we can't control the outcome. But we also know that one day that gun WILL go off. We wring our hands hoping the "bullet" doesn't hit them or an innocent bystander. We pray that it grazes them or scares them enough to make them go straight. Yet, we know that there's a real chance that their behavior will kill them and that we're powerless to stop it. So when they disappear-we wonder- "is this IT?" If you read our posts you know that we are praying for our kids & each other's kids to hit bottom. We're HAPPY when our kids get arrested. How screwed up is that?? Seriously! Most parents are praying for their kids to get into a good college or make the football team and we're praying that our kid go to jail-at least overnight. Sad -but also our best bet for separating out kids from the people, substances and lifestyle that is putting their lives at risk. I can't speak for Nancy or anyone but myself, but I think most of us are doing the same things. We're practicing Tough Love- our kids are out of the house, we're not caving in, we are showing them our bravest, toughest, most detached face. We have kicked them out when we REALLY want to lock them in their rooms. We have released them into the risky lifestyle they decided they want. But privately-here in this soft place- and in the safety of other parents who "get it"- we wring our hands and we worry about the adult, at-risk children we love. We struggle here while we are resolute in real life. No criticism meant or implied. Just trying to explain how it's possible to physically and practically detach while at the same time privately ache. It's such a paradox! [/QUOTE]
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