difficult child is now at his "winter home"

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mstang67chic, Nov 13, 2010.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    It's a cozy little place actually. All one room with his very own half bath. The view isn't the best but what do you expect when your place looks out over the stainless steel tables in the common room? :rolleyes:

    We found out on Wednesday that the warrant for his arrest was issued and he went to turn himself in that evening. For those who don't remember, difficult child and one of his friends decided to start a band earlier this year (even neither one of them can play a lick of music) and stole a poo ton of musical instruments and various electronic stuff from a couple of churches and the Salvation army. I haven't yet talked to him so I'm not sure when court is, what the exact charges are, etc. According to the cop that husband spoke with when we got the heads up call, there are three counts with bail at $15k EACH.

    I'm now headed out to difficult child's apartment to make sure there aren't any squatters. Sigh. Good thing we're making plans for the house....I'm going to need someplace to store his koi.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh, Stang--

    I'm sorry. Not for him - for you!

    Are you really going to store his stuff for him?
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh I feel for you. I discovered 6 weeks ago that having a child in jail just feels awful. Even if it is the right place for them at that moment somehow no parent should have to face having their child in jail. So you totally have my sympathy. I hope he gets a decent lawyer. Are you going to go to court or talk to his lawyer? Sometimes the courts are open to treatment if this is his first offense and he is still young I know for my son he discovered he really really did not like jail and he was very willing to go to rehab after two weeks in jail. That is where he is now.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oy. Wishing you the best hon! There's a fairly cheap storage unit place out my way if you're looking for one.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry.

  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Stang. Many hugs.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Stang...Im sorry, for all of you. I know you are trying to be upbeat and all but this is gonna stink big time. You are like me and I know you arent gonna get the lawyer, the PD is just gonna have to suffice. I am sure that those bail amounts will drop after each time he goes before the judge. That is just the way things work for these type charges.

    Tell difficult child his best bet is to talk PD and cut a deal. He knows he is guilty, might as well just own up to it and get on with life. You know we have dealt with this. It really makes life tough on them when they decide to hang felonies around their necks so early. But hey...they did it to themselves. You will feel some really mixed emotions. I know I have in the past 4 or 5 years.

    It really is hard to see them in jail. I make no bones about that. I think I am just getting better at learning to deal with it. I sure do wish it was something I had never had to learn.
  8. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Sending hugs. I can only imagine how hard this is. Hang in there.
  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Sorry 'Stang. I sure wish this hadn't happened.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I know it's gotta hurt, and the timing isn't so great either with holidays coming up. Sometimes you just have to wonder if they take their brains out and stick them on a shelf to gather dust. ugh
  11. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm not so sure his brain has even grown in yet. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with his stuff yet. His room here is empty.....I can always toss everything in there for now and shut the door. Eventually though I'll have to come up with something else. Hopefully we will get the ball rolling for another adoption after the first of the year (yeah, I know but now I know what to look for and how to read between the lines) so I'll have to get the room cleared out. We have a lot of plans for the house both inside and out. I'm hoping that once that is done (purging, new flooring through most of the house and some fresh paint) that I can use his furniture at least. We got a "new" couch and chair a couple of weeks ago from a former co-worker of husband's...the stuff is almost brand new but I think if I organize right, I can use difficult child's loveseat and chair.

    AS for court and all....we don't bail out and we don't pay for lawyers. We did enough of that when difficult child was a juvenile. This is the second time THIS YEAR that he's been in jail so I don't hold much hope that he'll get off light. With that said though, he does have some things on his side....possibly. He's turned himself in on his own, he went to the police and confessed, he took them around and showed them where everything was stashed resulting in the recovery of about 90% of the stuff....some of it came up missing from the hiding spots. So....eh...we'll just have to wait and see. husband seems to think that there's a good chance he'll get 3 years with all but 1 suspended. I don't know where that is coming from but who knows.

    I will be verrrry curious though to see if it comes out in open court that the police sent him home with some of the stolen items when he confessed.

    Yes...they SENT. HIM. HOME.

    husband had taken difficult child and the stuff that was at our house, to the police station where difficult child confessed and gave a statement. The lead officer decided that he didn't have room for the stuff at the station (BS) and told husband and difficult child to take it home and they would come get it the next day. I was on Facebook the next day having a very informative chat with the mayor who proceeded to chat with the police chief who then had a talk with the officer. husband later ran into that officer at the Y and they guy said that "that wasn't the best decision he ever made and he wouldn't be making THAT mistake again." Hmmm.....you think??? :slap:

    Anyhoo.....I'll keep you updated as I find out things. Thanks for the support. I think I'll be ok as long as he serves his sentence at the county jail. If he gets sent off.....THAT will scare me.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you have to deal with this. I haven't had the experience, but after my mom knew that my bro was out of jail, in recovery (AA), and somewhat settled in a life, she had a total breakdown. Completely could not function for a long time. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself and husband during this time. Let yourself feel the emotions as they happen. My mom refused to feel them and a couple of years later when they finally came up it was really really bad. I sat with her for hours as she worked through things, shook, cried, etc....

    As far as his stuff, maybe losing it is part of the lesson he needs to learn. Letting him handle the bail, lawyer, etc... on his own is probably the best thing for him.

    Congrats on the future adoption. You are an amazing mother and any child would be blessed to have you as her mom. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) ((((((((((baby hugs))))))))))
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Gee, that sounds a lot like my son's home for the next year! I kept difficult child's stuff the first time around but this time- I kept only his clothes, baby book/photos, and special keepsakes from his early childhood.
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    husband and I had to shake our heads/chuckle this morning. difficult child is so worried about people knowing what he did and/or that he's in trouble but guess what's in the SUNDAY paper for the world to see? His name in the list of the arrests for the last couple of weeks.


    Too bad he hasn't grasped the concept of "if you don't want people to know what you did....DON'T DO IT!"
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    ((((sigh)))) shakes head........(((((((sigh))))) hugs for you and UNB and for my nephew. Yes hes a bonehead, but I still love him.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hugs, sweetheart. I know, you really really have to wonder sometimes WHAT they're thinking... Or if they even ARE thinking...
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Stang, So sorry that you are going through this again. My difficult child will be back in jail by christmas also. So I understand how it is for you. It is different for me emotionally now that I have been through it twice before. I just don't want to feel anything and I basically shut it down before it even gets into my consciousness. Ocassionally I get very sad and frustrated but it doesn't last long and I certainly don't make any phone calls for difficult child anymore. I just don't want to get involved in his messes anymore. I like my peace and sanity -RM