difficult child is now home! Already blowing up

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gwenny, Mar 7, 2009.

  1. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Ok we are not home for 1 hour and it's starting already. husband is here today and tomorrow oh lord. So the hospital put in writing that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is where difficult child needs to be with out any question. Now we have to get the mental clinic we are working with to see this as well as the insurance company.

    Well husband is in a bad mood now because difficult child was screaming at him to get out of the room. husband is yelling at me that this kid is destroying our family and difficult child just dont care...(not in front of difficult child). I am at a loss of what to do anymore. I suggested calling the crisis # they gave us in case this happened. husband don't want to got the emergency room again and than again to the psychiatric hospital again to be told there is nothing they can do for us but medicate him and stabalize him.(thought that is what they had already done)..

    I going to get a hair cut and hope all hell don't brake lose while I'm gone!!! I'm just emotional spent...easy child is at a friends house and has not seen all this yet.

    Thank you for all your support.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Do whatever you need to to stay safe. If it means another ER visit and back to psychiatric hospital to get him out of the house then so be it. The sooner he returns to the psychiatric hospital, the better it is for that staff to see the errors of their ways. Appearring stable may just be part of the game. difficult child can hold it together when he is OUTSIDE of the home. He doesn't have his targets to attack. It will take him longer at a new place to establish new targets for staff to evaluate what is really going on. If he has a need to control you and your household, he will develop that need whereever he is placed. Maybe the mental health clinic and the insurance company will "get it" sooner if there are numerous crisis calls?

    You were given that number to keep everyone safe - even difficult child. You know that his stories are large and he will try to convince everyone that he is the victim. As long as he remains the victim, he will never get the help he needs. Everyone will believe the poor child until you can supply enough evidence otherwise - that is where that crisis number comes into play.

    Keep easy child away as much as possible. He is suffering so much also!

    Keep documenting. Document EVERYTHING, even the tension in the house. List who is on edge and why (if you know). List everyone's fears and concerns. Record every action you and husband and difficult child takes.

    Above all - STAY SAFE!!!! Use that number!!!
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Have you video taped his outbursts? If not please do so that the powers that be can see first hand what is going on in your home. If he is just yelling and sstomping around ignore him but if he is threating anybody or doing harm to anyone or to your possessons call crisis. That is what it is there for. There is a process and a protochol that these places follow and if yu do not let them know that it isn't working they have no reason to do anything else. -RM
  4. Wow - we're going through the same thing; just not the technical

    Hug and prayers to your family. Safety and peace is the most important thing you can do; whatever it requires.
  5. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Thank you for your support. I am sorry you are going through the same thing Wonderful family, it is very worrisome.

    Ok now we decided that difficult child was going to stay on grounding for past and for the problems he has caused with cps coming to our home. He is told to stay in his room and he can draw and work on his art or write in his journal. There is no tv or radio either. Is this the right thing to do? I just feel that it's the right thing as all the he** he is causing this family. We now can't home school him as he missed 10 days and they unenrolled him yesterday!! Now where do we send him to school?? Just another headache. How do you educate difficult child's who refuse to do nothing but get involved with drama and cause fights??
  6. What do you do - I honestly don't know? I'm still trying to figure this out myself. A few months ago I could have proudly given you a long list of what works for us and what I would absolutely do. I'm currently getting my foot out of my mouth as I read back through my difficult child do's and don't list as I sit here trying to figure out if choke-slamming the dog counts as aggression and violence; because he technically wasn't angry at that moment and he was playing. Just extremely hyper and out-of-control.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    They can't unroll him because he missed 10 days -- part of that time in the hospital. That's illegal on their part. Take him to school tomorrow.
  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Didn't they send him home with medication? I would be waiting tomorrow for the school to open because they can't just "unenroll" him (unless he was going to a private school then that may be another bag of worms)

    With his list of diagnosis's, I would be demanding an IEP done under the label of emotionally disturbed - here is Ca. he would qualify for the ADHD and mood disorder alone. Conduct disorder alone won't get you ANY services - they figure hes a potential Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dalmer and why waste money.

    Unfortunately at his age, there is not a big window of opportunity to get him help before he reaches legal age, then you can't do much of anything anymore. Here the schools work in conjunction with the State Mental Health, and if they deem he needs a Residential Treatment Center (RTC), the schools pay for the schooling part and Mental Health pays for the rest.

    But I would start gearing up for a big battle with the school. - they know its illegal just to shrug their shoulders and dis-enroll.

  9. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    It's hard to explain. Here goes:

    difficult child came to live with us in october and assaulted husband so we decided to homeschool him until we could get insurance for him to get the psychiatric help we needed. So I home schooled him until nov when he was hospitalized for threatning to kill easy child. The hospital said there is too much tension between me and him and recomended that he goes to school and get an IEP.

    Ok so set up a meeting with the Principle and vice principle and gave them difficult child history and thought we could get the IEP and see if they even had services to offer us. Well the principle says to me she will get back to me after she finds out what services they can offer us.

    Fast forward 2 weeks after numerous calls from husband and my self she finally had a secretary call and state that we should just bring him in on monday morning and enroll him. Needless to say that nothing had been put in place. So difficult child was suspended on the 4th day for 2 days after punching another student in the mouth. He also received a couple of detentions after that. So after several visits to the school the principle says that difficult child is doing normal teenage things. (yeah right) threatning to send other students out in body bags is normal???? Well one day I went to talk to his teachers and received a different story. difficult child not doing his work disruptive in class even got in the face of a science teacher and manipualted the whole situation. The science teacher gave him a detention but the vice principle told the teacher no because difficult child apologized.

    So after finding out that difficult child was failing we decided to home school him once again as he was medicated and thought it was a good idea at the time (yeah right). So he was in home schooling and they stated that he has to be unenrolled because he missed 10 days. I wont fight this decision as I am not doing it anymore. So I guess until he hurts someone than we are getting no where. What a shame because the parents are always to blame when we are trying the hardest we can.

    So the public school is closed next week for spring break..joy now what do I do? husband refuses to take him to work with him and I don't want him in my home.
  10. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    So husband refuses to take difficult child with him when he leaves for work tomorrow, and expects you and easy child to deal with the drama, chaos, tension, threats, etc. I know he's under tremendous stress to deal with difficult child, his marriage to you, role model for easy child - but putting this all on your shoulders this coming week is a bit much.

    Explain this to husband: You are calling the man on the 24/7 hotline today and inform that either man comes to your home before husband leaves for work, and remains there until husband returns, or man can pick up difficult child before husband leaves for work, and remains gone until husband returns from work, but either way, you're not staying home alone with difficult child this week.

    I do hope easy child can stay with friends this week.

    If 24/7 man cannot make these arrangements, leave difficult child home alone. He's old enough. Get out. If he begins to act violently, destroy anything, call the police and have him removed.

    I am so sorry you are caught in the middle. Sending many hugs and saying many prayers for all.
  11. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    I have to say I am MAD because I have all these people coming to my home tomorrow at 10 am and I don't want difficult child here. husband says I cant let him sit in a car for 13 hours. So I said please write on my tombstone I told you so.

    I have given my sister in law all the info on what's going on just in case something happens to me she is going full steam ahead with any means possible.

    I'm just sick and tired of having my son have to stay at someones house because of this kid. That is not a healthy message for him. He is going to feel that I don't want him. This really stinks..
  12. WSM

    WSM New Member

    Why is a man who has a violent out of control son working 13 hours?

    If the kid looks at your funny call the hotline, police or psychiatric hospital.

    Better yet, go away for a week, husband can decide to take vacation to deal with his son, abandon the house to his son or take him to work with him.

    His son, his problem.