difficult child is problem. going to be taken away/ EMDR therapy

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tara w, Aug 12, 2007.

  1. tara w

    tara w New Member

    it's been a really long time since my last post. i guess i was naive enough to think that things were getting better.

    now it looks like he might leave us- best case:30 days. worst case: 2 years.

    as a quick reminder, my nephew was adopted by a single parent (my brother) 6 years ago. difficult child has physical and sexual abuse issues from his "natural" home and the foster homes (5) he was placed in.

    the lying, defiance and disrespect were still there, but i SWEAR he was starting to get better. at least it seemed that he was, for once, trying.

    found out that he was selling his adderall to a friend. then we just found out that not only did he steal his grandmother's truck AGAIN (this may be the 4th time?) he also was caught on video stealing $$$ from his father's ATM account. at 15 years old, he's on a path to self destruction.

    he doesn't seem to be affected- no remorse, no accountability. his respinse was,"what's the big deal? no one was hurt."

    my brother took difficult child to the police station where he admitted taking the car and stealing the $$$. The police and a juvey office explained that he will go before the juvenile judge and he will decide the outcome. so, it's either a juvey camp called "camp adams" or a school in philly until he's 18.

    6-8 weeks and we'll have the answer.

    my brother is trying to get difficult child into a facility in Lancaster that specializes in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing)therapy. but we'll have to wait 6-8 weeks to start that. does anyone have experience with this process?

    i'm ashamed to admit this... this is so unbelievably hard that i'm almost ready to give up.

    thanks for your time and any advice.
     
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. What a blow.
    Yes, I've heard of the therapy--good things--but we haven't used it personally. I thought it was for learning disabilities.
     
  3. tara w

    tara w New Member

    hey terry... it's nice to know that someone is out there.

    from what i understand, EMDR is used with PTSD vicitms: vets, World Trade Tower survivors, abuse victims.

    still researching my fingers off!
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tara,

    I have not ever heard of this therapy, but I remember when you first posted. I just wanted to send hugs, prayers, and support.

    I am so sorry that this is happening.
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    So sorry this is happening. And "nobody was hurt" is not true. When people lose trust in anyone, that hurts. When money goes missing, that hurts especially when it was taken by someone you love.

    Why don't these kids get it?

    Since your brother was so heavily involved and made him admit this to police, here's hoping they send him to that camp rather than just put him away. Hopefully a good camp will knock some consideration and common sense into him.

    Marg
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I, too, remember you and how desperately you wanted someone to come up with a cure that your brother could use to help his son.
    We all understand the pain and sense of defeat that probably is
    dominant right now. I am not familiar with the therapy your bro
    is seeking so obviously I can't comment. I do sincerely hope,
    however, that his juvie placement is based on his psychological and emotional issues and not on the fact that he needs to be punished for his misdeed. The system is screwy. Sometimes it can
    really help a child in need. Othertimes it seems hell bent on
    punishing to the point of defeating the spirit.

    As before, I will say a prayer for your family. DDD
     
  7. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Oh Tara...I'm so sorry for what your family is going through right now. I don't have much to share in way of advice, but I did want to send you some thoughts and hugs.
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Welcome back Tara,

    So sorry to hear of the ongoing pain your family is still experiencing.

    I have heard only good things about EMDR therapy. It has become quite popular. We were thinking of trying it with my son, however, the doctors thought he would not be compliant enough. The child really has to buy into the therapy and be committed in order for it to be effective, because the therapy involves a lot of concentration and work with they eyes and mind.

    In your situation, I would say that if they have the EMDR at one of the places they are thinking of sending him......than it would definitely be worth a try, in addition to all of the other therapies they would have in place hopefully.

    Take care, and keep up posted on how it is all going.
     
  9. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>I'm sorry that your family has come to this crossroads because of difficult child's poor choices. So much is out of our control with difficult child's. If only love was enough but we all know it isn't.
    I have not worked with EMDR therapy although it was big with adhd kids a few years back.
    I hope that difficult child realizing he is losing a chance at a decent life will help him grow up. I always thought the 13 to 15 yr olds were the most difficult. Sending good thoughts that the help he receives will open a door to some insight for difficult child.

    Hugs to you and brother for trying so hard. </span>
     
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm sorry things have gotten to this point. I'll keep your family in my thoughts.

    EMDR therapy is the most researched therapeutic tool in the psychological community. It was first used in PTSD patients and has also been found to be highly effective with treating anxiety, phobias, etc. Here is a good website:

    http://www.emdria.org/
     
  11. tara w

    tara w New Member

    i wish i could take a pill to give me strength.
    thanks for all of your support, prayers and hugs. we need them.
     
Loading...