difficult child is proud of herself

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, May 30, 2007.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is almost funny.

    Unfortunately, the formerly easy child child of close family friends has developed a big problem with binge drinking. There were some issues in high school but the parents sought counseling and thought that was all behind them.

    Then the daughter went off to live at college this year and fell apart. She was caught three times as a MIP (minor in possession) and got a DUI and lost her license. Her parents withdrew her from school after the last MIP.

    So she is now living at home, working, and in a rehab program that includes AA meetings. I am praying that this works. She is an absolutely beautiful girl with everything going for her.

    Anyway, I was relating all of this to my difficult child (she and this girl grew up as "honorary" cousins). difficult child had already heard about some of it from the girl herself but hadn't heard about being withdrawn from school and losing her license.

    So difficult child said to me, "Aren't you proud of me? I never got kicked out of school or got in trouble with the law because of my drinking."

    Yes, difficult child, I'm so proud that you managed somehow to avoid getting arrested for smoking pot and underage drinking and that you dropped out of college three times rather than getting kicked out.

    Makes a mother proud. :smile:

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....well she does have a point. She managed to have a bit of self preservation which some difficult child's dont. That is one point in her favor.
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Isn't it hilarious how they perceive things??? She happened to dodge the law, and she wants a pat on the back for it!
  4. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    She did manage to keep the doors open to going back to school and no felonies on her criminal record....I guess I'd be patting her on the back, but I'm viewing from a whole different viewpoint......sad.....
  5. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So difficult child said to me, "Aren't you proud of me? I never got kicked out of school or got in trouble with the law because of my drinking."</div></div>

    Yowzah! Sounds like my son, who thinks he's one of the "smart" potheads who doesn't get caught or do stupid things like the "dumb" potheads who get caught or get themselves killed.

    All I can think of is that in an addict's world, their moral compass and values are so distorted that anything can be viewed as positive or negative, depending on (a) how they want to perceive their circumstances, and (b) how they want to represent themselves and their circumstances to other people.

    Anything they do or don't do, anything anyone else does or doesn't do, is fodder for building up internal and external support for their life choice (whatever it may be). Reality, as I've found, is vary rarely a part of such evaluations in their mind.

    It does make it hard to communicate with them, doesn't it?

    As an aside, I'm a fan of Science Fiction. I once read a book where humans were trying to understand the technology of another race that had conquered Earth, and never could. At least, not until one of the aliens told the humans that their number system was based on 0-12, not 0-10. They had a completely different thought process in place that prevented the humans from "understanding" them.

    Sometimes, when I talk with my son, I feel like that human trying to understand an alien.....

  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

  7. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    Ditto RM's comments! :smile:


    That is the other thing I have noticed about difficult child kids too ~ they interpret things in a way that justifies whatever they have done or are going to do.

    Does anyone remember our difficult child telling me, in all sincerity, that he had figured out that the reason he had done what he did was because of the pain of the braces on his teeth?

    Maybe that is the essential difference between a difficult child and a easy child.

  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    There oughta be a college credit course

    "Philosophy 502: Understanding difficult child Logic"
  9. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    :surprise: true difficult child logic
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Teens have their own little reality, don't they?
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It is sad what our kids can say to justify their behavior. I was told yesterday that the car accident was my fault because I had refused to pay for her to drive the Porsche even though the cost of her being covered would have been almost $10,000/year. It was my fault her room was such a mess because she had to move out abruptly even though she had the entire month I was gone to do something about it. It was my fault the kitchen was such a mess because I'd never taught her how to load the dishwasher even though I had tried to show her several times. :hammer:

    Don't know about you folks, but I can't wait for the day something is HER fault!