difficult child is really struggling

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    And really out of the blue, too.

    Last week she got her schedule for the new semester. She wasn't happy with one of the class changes and I told her I would talk to her guidance counselor about it (it wasn't a necessary change). She told me not to; that she would. Wow. That's huge. I'm so proud of her. And she did talk to her about it and got it resolved.

    However, this week she is in full blown panic. Mid terms are next week. I don't think she's stressing over the tests so much as the changed schedule. You know how it is for our anxiety/panic disordered kids - any change in routine really sets them off.

    Plus, she's having a very hard time with Spanish. They have to do oral presentations regularly. A kid with high anxiety, a "moderately severe" stutter, a foreign language - not a good combination. Her Spanish teacher is a native speaker (Venezuelan) and used to teach at the college level. Just not a good match for a kid like difficult child and he's the only one teaching Spanish I this year.

    They typically don't allow a student to drop a class, but were going to let difficult child do so, except they said there isn't an academic assist or tech class open that period next semester. I don't care. There going to have to find something. She's already going to have an academic assist, so she can just have a regular study hall in that place instead.

    She's shutting down hard and fast. Tonight and last night both she was in full blown panic just thinking about Spanish, about the mid term - which is going to require an oral exam over *everything* that has been taught so far - plus the changed schedule next week. She's been doing very well with going to school and enjoying the social aspect, but she's back to wanting to not go again. The school psychiatric and guidance counselor were going to talk to the Spanish teacher to see if difficult child could do the oral portion of the test one on one with the teacher, but asking is no longer an option. It *has* to be that way. I'm even going to go so far as to see if she can do that portion with another Spanish teacher because she has now equated this guy with her anxiety and so he is now a trigger. He's a very nice guy and a good teacher; it's not his fault. It's just the way it is with kids like ours, Know what I mean?? Just not a good match for a kid like difficult child.

    She also got the meningitis shot today and I'm thinking now that was a really bad idea. She has a needle phobia, but can cope pretty well. It was too much with her already high anxiety. She had a major panic attack before the shot was administered, sobbed throughout and after. It is also her TOM, which comes very irregularly, and I don't think that's helping. The GP started her on BC and difficult child is going to take it so she doesn't have a TOM. She would have started tonight except the stupid insurance company wants prior authorization. UGH!

    It's going to be a long week and a half. Please send good thoughts to difficult child. She really is trying. She's just really, really struggling.
     
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Heather, so sorry to hear difficult child is struggling so. I've dealt with the anxiety related to PTSD not Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) ~ a different monster so I have little to offer.

    I'm sending positive thoughts & white light for a calmness to settle over difficult child with the interventions you're putting in place for her.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm sending lots of good thoughts for difficult child (and you). Poor kid!
     
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Poor thing. It just stinks you get the poor kid back to school and she is hit with this. She gets over one thing and her mind keeps putting up new road blocks.

    That is what caused me to start doing drugs in school. It just flat out stinks. It is so hard to explain to someone who doesn't get it as well.
    I don't know how a therapist would go about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for her School issues at this point... long hard struggle.
    It would be so rushed.
    I feel frustrated just thinking about. I have a hard time with N's anxieties and they are only half of this.
     
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I talked to the guidance counselor about difficult child dropping Spanish. She said she can, but she doesn't think it's the best thing. I responded that it may not be the best thing academically, but it is the best thing emotionally. difficult child is shutting down. Since she's dropping it, she won't have to take the mid term. She'll have to take an F for the class. Doesn't matter.

    Guidance counselor is going to talk to the school psychiatric and work it out. They really don't like this idea, but it's just the way it is. PCA wants difficult child to take a language through OSU online - it will count as a high school and a college credit. She thinks it will be easier for difficult child because she can work at her own pace and all oral things will be one on one. The school district just doesn't want to think outside the box on this one. We've talked to them about it and have gotten nowhere. Legally, though, they have to accept the credit.

    The school psychiatric and speech therapist are the only ones who really seem to get the level of difficult child's anxiety. The others say they understand, but when I tell them she is shutting down they seem to think I'm overreacting. Fortunately, they go along with what the school psychiatric says.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. Any chance she would give guided meditation or biofeedback a try just so she doesn't feel so panicky? It won't "fix" anything but will help her get through the anxiety and panic. You have probably tried. It might now evn work right now. sometimes you have to try it when you are not so stressed before you can see how it is working.

    Have you called Planned Parenthood to see if they have free/low cost BC? If there is one in your area it might be worth a try while insurance messes around. At least for a month or two.

    I think you are on the right track for the spanish exam. I know people who got exams, esp oral and timed ones, eliminated via IEP. There are other methods of measuring knowledge, such as looking at the body of work she completed. You might want to push for her work during the semester to be the full grade. It is a thought. Maybe if she has a B or better she doesn't have to take tests. From experience spending untold hours grading and adjusting final grades, usually students who get As on tests do A work on assignments. Same for Bs, and all other grades. UNLESS there is severe test anxiety or another illness.So maybe if she has every assignment turned in and you are okay with her grade she can skip the test.

    I am sorry she is having such a hard time. Make sure she has ample time for each test and a strategy for taking them. Maybe go through and answer the easy questions, ones she KNOWS the answer to. Then go back and concentrate on the harder questions. Underline key words so she fully understands the question. When you are anxious it is EASy to think that one thing is being asked when really it is something else. There are all kinds of books on how to take tests. Maybe next semester she could work on that during what is now Spanish?
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry she is struggling so. I think dropping the Spanish is a good thing. Sending many good thoughts difficult child's way.
     
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Gosh, poor difficult child. Kudos for handling the class change, tho.

    Sending many hugs and prayers for you both.

    And glad your school at least listens to the psychiatric.
     
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