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difficult child is struggling; bigtime
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 437276" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Maybe there are difference between the states, on whether schools let a kid stay for a day to reacclimatise. Wisconsin is a long way from NY or NJ.</p><p></p><p>As for difficult child's schoolwork - Jena, I can't see how she can have been able to keep up, with all the problems you have shared with us. You've told us how she fights the tutors, is difficult to get started etc. It takes a lot of effort to keep up under these circumstances, let alone catch up. I know - we're dealing with this with difficult child 3 at the moment, and he is a more willing student, from how things have sounded.</p><p></p><p>What I'm saying - I think difficult child might be further behind than your loving mommy heart is willing to accept. When we want something badly enough, our capacity for self-deception becomes very high. We convince ourselves it's not that bad, we can slide through.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3, he is still trying to slide by, but there is another problem which you will also have (inevitably) with difficult child 3 - lack of scaffold in what work has been done. The work in this year is needed to be good enough to lay down a foundation for next year. If you proceed before you have consolidated past knowledge, then the next year's work is even more of a struggle and will risk pushing anxiety through the roof again as the work is even more of a struggle than it needs to be.</p><p></p><p>I have an exceptionally bright kid, but we are looking at him having to repeat about half his subjects from this year. And he is willing to work, just unable to maintain his focus for very long at a time. Given the problems you have shared with us about how difficult difficult child has been especially with her tutors, I really think you need to consider that she may simply not be ready to move on with her peers in September. Keeping her back a grade may take enough heat off her, to make it easier for her to cope with returning.</p><p></p><p>With the "I'm afraid I will hurt myself," we've been through that with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2. I had to go through the room and remove knives etc. When difficult child 1 broke up with his last girlfriend (before he went out with daughter in law), she had given him an ornamental knife for his birthday. He locked himself in his room with the knife. We watched and waited, did not push the panic button, but as also talked to him. I did the same when easy child 2/difficult child 2 was expressing concern that she might hurt herself. easy child also went through this with a good friend of hers who would telephone us when she felt afraid she was going to hurt herself. it is not necessarily the same thing as suicidal ideation. "I need to punish myself" is not the same as "I want to kill myself" and it is not the same as "I'm afraid I will hurt myself." </p><p></p><p>A cutter is not necessarily suicidal. And someone who is suicidal is not necessarily a cutter. But it is an indication that she is feeling a lot of emotional pain. it is also an indication that she IS able to ask for help - very healthy.</p><p></p><p>it's something to discuss with the psychiatrist, and perhaps something to talk her through calmly in the meantime.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 437276, member: 1991"] Maybe there are difference between the states, on whether schools let a kid stay for a day to reacclimatise. Wisconsin is a long way from NY or NJ. As for difficult child's schoolwork - Jena, I can't see how she can have been able to keep up, with all the problems you have shared with us. You've told us how she fights the tutors, is difficult to get started etc. It takes a lot of effort to keep up under these circumstances, let alone catch up. I know - we're dealing with this with difficult child 3 at the moment, and he is a more willing student, from how things have sounded. What I'm saying - I think difficult child might be further behind than your loving mommy heart is willing to accept. When we want something badly enough, our capacity for self-deception becomes very high. We convince ourselves it's not that bad, we can slide through. With difficult child 3, he is still trying to slide by, but there is another problem which you will also have (inevitably) with difficult child 3 - lack of scaffold in what work has been done. The work in this year is needed to be good enough to lay down a foundation for next year. If you proceed before you have consolidated past knowledge, then the next year's work is even more of a struggle and will risk pushing anxiety through the roof again as the work is even more of a struggle than it needs to be. I have an exceptionally bright kid, but we are looking at him having to repeat about half his subjects from this year. And he is willing to work, just unable to maintain his focus for very long at a time. Given the problems you have shared with us about how difficult difficult child has been especially with her tutors, I really think you need to consider that she may simply not be ready to move on with her peers in September. Keeping her back a grade may take enough heat off her, to make it easier for her to cope with returning. With the "I'm afraid I will hurt myself," we've been through that with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2. I had to go through the room and remove knives etc. When difficult child 1 broke up with his last girlfriend (before he went out with daughter in law), she had given him an ornamental knife for his birthday. He locked himself in his room with the knife. We watched and waited, did not push the panic button, but as also talked to him. I did the same when easy child 2/difficult child 2 was expressing concern that she might hurt herself. easy child also went through this with a good friend of hers who would telephone us when she felt afraid she was going to hurt herself. it is not necessarily the same thing as suicidal ideation. "I need to punish myself" is not the same as "I want to kill myself" and it is not the same as "I'm afraid I will hurt myself." A cutter is not necessarily suicidal. And someone who is suicidal is not necessarily a cutter. But it is an indication that she is feeling a lot of emotional pain. it is also an indication that she IS able to ask for help - very healthy. it's something to discuss with the psychiatrist, and perhaps something to talk her through calmly in the meantime. Marg [/QUOTE]
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