difficult child is talking about going to a different H.S. next year

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    difficult child has been talking about attending the H.S. in the neighboring town next school year for "a fresh start". I do not know if this is a good idea or a terrible one. One side thinks Ok it is a way to start over, the other is saying she is running and that is not the answer.

    I need to go get her up and hopefully to school. I will comment more on this later.
  2. friends of ours did this with their daughter and it was the best thing they could have done for her. It was their decision to move her to a different high school but it gave her the chance to choose better friends and start over.

    It definitely might be something to consider for your difficult child. Sometimes we all need a fresh start where we can walk into a room or a school and no one knows us or has any preconceived ideas about who we are or our reputation. A 'mulligan' so to speak.

    Our friends daughter went back to her old school after one year and that was enough time to establish a new identity for herself and succeed. She has since done very well and is finishing college now.
  3. family mum

    family mum New Member

    Can you interview the 2 schools and see which one will give the better support? That might make a big difference.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Tough call. My sister and niece are going through this exact thing. The difference (I think) is that my niece has switched schools every couple of years so has learned to run from problems. She always thinks going to a different school, there wont be the same kinds of catty girls etc. (though she can be one too, as we all can be at that age) She meets a kid or two she likes, then thinks their school is the best then switches and in a few months there is drama again. (and she is not much of a difficult child, she still has straight A's, joins the family for everything, etc...but she is getting into teen life every once in a while for sure...). MY sister thinks it would be a disaster to switch again, but she does not want the drama and fight from not allowing it either, so feels very stuck (and ex hubby is not a help at all)

    For my youngest sister this happened too and to this day she will do the same with jobs. But my cousin's kid did it once to get away from a bully situation and it was the best thing ever. Same for one of the volunteers at Q's horse back riding place. She nearly killed herself over the anxiety and trauma at her school. She is now in a charter fine arts school now and their philosophy is diversity and inclusion. The whole culture of the school is acceptance of differences and celebrating differences. She is a leader now instead of wanting to kill herself. If it is the right move, can be amazing. I guess it depends on the reasons and if you talk to the staff about what she is going through. What if they dont tolerate her missing and wont support you? OR...maybe they have an on site EBD teacher and you can get a TON of support..... Just as always there will be great stories and reasons to do it and others that suggest not. What does your gut say? Have you had a chance to go on your own and talk to the admin and counselors there? Can you meet their school psychologist?

    Good luck with that, you are such an excellent mom, I am sure in the end you will help her through either decision and she will do well. Giving her some control and her mindset being that it will help could be a big ticket, so who knows? Is it far???
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Buddy, the neighboring school is actually closer than our H.S. We are on the border of 2 cities. I am mostly concerned because the other school is much larger than the one she is in now. Almost double the size. I worry that the size will overwhelm her. And, I am not even sure they would allow her with all of the issues we have been dealing with.

    Like I mentioned, I do not want this to be the answer for all of her issues as she ages. I do not want this to be a running away for her. And, for some reason that is what I am feeling. I just want her to face whatever is causing this and to move past it. But, she will not open up and tell us what it is that she is so freaked about. Oh well. We have time to consider it.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Maybe there is a bully situation that she is not feeling safe to discuss then. If she would go to a bigger school, face strangers etc...it sounds less like just being around people or entering a school is the anxiety issue....I know what it is like to feel like if you tell you might actually be killed (that was a threat from a boy in 8th and 9th grade to me and I was socially active and tried to go on ....did all the plays was drama president etc...and due to that, I'd run home during the day, I couldn't sleep etc....there are songs (dream weaver) I still can't listen to to this day because they played at night while I was awake and not able to sleep...) . I pray that is not happening to her but it makes you wonder doesn't it? Every time she is away from that school she does better. Oh well, I guess there is only one way to find out. (has she switched schools before due to any issues like this?)

    Hope things become clearer, sometimes we just dont know, have to take little leaps. She has you, and that is in her favor.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think it probably can't hurt...

    BUT - if your daughter's problems are HERS and not that of a bullying / bad teacher / school environment type of thing....then she will quickly discover that the problems have "followed her" to the next HS.

    Too bad we don't know the real triggers for the stresses as of yet. A few answers would help a LOT.
  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks everyone for your opinions. Daisy, that is exactly what I am thinking. That the problems are HERS. And, I don't know if it would be good for her to see that they will come with her if she doesn't fix it.

    And I for the life of me cannot fond out what the real triggers are. Can/will tdocs release what was talked about in sessions to parents? I do not even know if she tells the truth to them though. I have thought about getting in touvh with her PHP/IOP therapist to see if he would let me know what was going on with her then. They kept telling us there was some major issue with easy child, but noone told us what it was/is. I hate not having any firm answers.
  9. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    We discussed this for our daugher, Family Doctor was all for it, but the general consensus was 50/50 chance of working, but in our case it is our daugher. When she feels well, she likes the kids, when down HATES everyone...