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General Parenting
difficult child is "the worst", again
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 225089" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>As much as it hurts to hear these things, I think we as parents need to hear them. So many parents are in total denial about their kids. Some just don't understand how serious things are.</p><p> </p><p>As much as you would have liked the group leaders and the kids to just forgive and forget, that's really not possible. If he was that violent, it had to be frightening for all concerned. The director is right. Matt will have to regain everyone's trust. It will be hard for him and you'll need to guide him as much as possible from a distance.</p><p> </p><p>My daughter was always the most manipulative, sneaky from kindergarten on. Everything she did was to an extreme. I hated hearing that. She didn't deserve to be compared to the other kids. No person does. She needed to hear where she was doing well, where her behavior was excellent. I did my best to mesh the two, to let her know when she had gone too far with her classmates but to also let her know when she had excelled. Do remind the director that Matt will need to hear good stuff, too, from him, his staff and, if at all possible, the other kids. Constant negativity just reinforces the sense of failure.</p><p> </p><p>I do remember those phone calls with my daughter. The "you need to" and the suggestions of how to change things for the other kids to have more trust and understanding. I hated those conversations. I wanted to tell my daughter all was well, that I loved her, to hear the good stuff. I didn't want to hear her in tears because I was once again not satisfied with her (her impression), but she needed to hear that I knew things were not going as well as she claimed, that she had things she really needed to work on. Just hearing it from the staff and the kids there wasn't enough.</p><p> </p><p>I wish there was a way to ease your pain but none of us can do that. You're going to hurt for your son, for your loss of H, for the lousy holidays, for the unfairness of life. We'll be here as much as we can. Please remember that we truly care about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 225089, member: 3626"] As much as it hurts to hear these things, I think we as parents need to hear them. So many parents are in total denial about their kids. Some just don't understand how serious things are. As much as you would have liked the group leaders and the kids to just forgive and forget, that's really not possible. If he was that violent, it had to be frightening for all concerned. The director is right. Matt will have to regain everyone's trust. It will be hard for him and you'll need to guide him as much as possible from a distance. My daughter was always the most manipulative, sneaky from kindergarten on. Everything she did was to an extreme. I hated hearing that. She didn't deserve to be compared to the other kids. No person does. She needed to hear where she was doing well, where her behavior was excellent. I did my best to mesh the two, to let her know when she had gone too far with her classmates but to also let her know when she had excelled. Do remind the director that Matt will need to hear good stuff, too, from him, his staff and, if at all possible, the other kids. Constant negativity just reinforces the sense of failure. I do remember those phone calls with my daughter. The "you need to" and the suggestions of how to change things for the other kids to have more trust and understanding. I hated those conversations. I wanted to tell my daughter all was well, that I loved her, to hear the good stuff. I didn't want to hear her in tears because I was once again not satisfied with her (her impression), but she needed to hear that I knew things were not going as well as she claimed, that she had things she really needed to work on. Just hearing it from the staff and the kids there wasn't enough. I wish there was a way to ease your pain but none of us can do that. You're going to hurt for your son, for your loss of H, for the lousy holidays, for the unfairness of life. We'll be here as much as we can. Please remember that we truly care about you. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is "the worst", again
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