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General Parenting
difficult child is "the worst", again
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 225209" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Steely, to see my daughter once a month, I had to drive 3 hours one way to the airport from home; fly from the Pacific Northwest to New England; drive for 4 hours up a mountain; and then return. We don't want to discuss the cost. What would kill me was to get there and end up leaving 30 minutes later because my daughter opted to be a bvtch and/or a brat.</p><p> </p><p>There was a month when I couldn't fly up when she was still on supervised calls. I made arrangements with the director that she would be allowed 5 minutes of private time if she asked for it. That way, I felt she had a needed safety plan in place if needed. The rules were it could not be for general griping but had to be for very specific things happening to her. She did complain once about being abused by another girl. After talking to staff and my daughter a few times the following day, it turned out my daughter had a cold and was snoring. The other girl threw a pillow at her. Sometimes you really do have to investigate thoroughly to get all the facts but do make sure Matt has a way to talk to you in private (maybe in the director's office by request) if he feels he is in danger. If nothing else, it will help you to cope better.</p><p> </p><p>I do understand you want him home, especially during the holidays. It hurts to be away from our kids. It hurts that someone else is trying to help them because we somehow failed. Everything about having our kids in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hurts. But it may just be the thing that saves him. I know I didn't like everything my daughter's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did for consequences or even all of their rules but I svcked it in and let them do their job. Only once during her stay did I flat out say I would not follow their rules and that I expected there to be no repercussions against her for this. It was my decision, not hers. But it wasn't easy. There were times I wanted to bring her home and protect her from her peers, the staff, the rules. They just didn't seem fair or right sometimes, but they did help her. Maybe not as much as I had hoped, but more than I could help her at home.</p><p> </p><p>One thing I did do to stop myself from bringing her home is make a list of exactly why I had sent her there. I would look at that list and ask myself if I really could help her at home with these issues and did I think her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was in fact helping with them. It truly did stop me a few times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 225209, member: 3626"] Steely, to see my daughter once a month, I had to drive 3 hours one way to the airport from home; fly from the Pacific Northwest to New England; drive for 4 hours up a mountain; and then return. We don't want to discuss the cost. What would kill me was to get there and end up leaving 30 minutes later because my daughter opted to be a bvtch and/or a brat. There was a month when I couldn't fly up when she was still on supervised calls. I made arrangements with the director that she would be allowed 5 minutes of private time if she asked for it. That way, I felt she had a needed safety plan in place if needed. The rules were it could not be for general griping but had to be for very specific things happening to her. She did complain once about being abused by another girl. After talking to staff and my daughter a few times the following day, it turned out my daughter had a cold and was snoring. The other girl threw a pillow at her. Sometimes you really do have to investigate thoroughly to get all the facts but do make sure Matt has a way to talk to you in private (maybe in the director's office by request) if he feels he is in danger. If nothing else, it will help you to cope better. I do understand you want him home, especially during the holidays. It hurts to be away from our kids. It hurts that someone else is trying to help them because we somehow failed. Everything about having our kids in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hurts. But it may just be the thing that saves him. I know I didn't like everything my daughter's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did for consequences or even all of their rules but I svcked it in and let them do their job. Only once during her stay did I flat out say I would not follow their rules and that I expected there to be no repercussions against her for this. It was my decision, not hers. But it wasn't easy. There were times I wanted to bring her home and protect her from her peers, the staff, the rules. They just didn't seem fair or right sometimes, but they did help her. Maybe not as much as I had hoped, but more than I could help her at home. One thing I did do to stop myself from bringing her home is make a list of exactly why I had sent her there. I would look at that list and ask myself if I really could help her at home with these issues and did I think her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was in fact helping with them. It truly did stop me a few times. [/QUOTE]
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