difficult child kicked out of delinquent day care high school

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by C.J., Feb 5, 2009.

  1. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    N* decided she'd like to return to the high school she quit in April 2008. Our school district has an alternative high school - no homework, no outside reading, no long term projects, smoking ok outside, and the teachers and administrators are called by their first names by the students. This place just screams preparation for the real world to me.

    The ONLY two things a kid has to do to graduate from this place is SHOW UP and PARTICIPATE IN CLASS. That's it.

    A year ago, N* found it too stressful and quit. I signed the papers since she was 17 at the time and decided she needed a real world lesson. Two months later, she was 18 and moved out. Two or so months after that, and she got pregnant.

    When she moved back home, she made some noises about going back to school. There is an inexpensive GED program thru the local community college - taught at a library near my house. Did she investigate that option? No.

    Instead, she talked with some of her other difficult child friends and decides she'd like to try alternative high school again. So, in December, I took her to enroll, paid the book rental fees (from the very skimpy college fund I still have for her) and made her sign all the paperwork. She's 18. I told the school I could be listed as an emergency contact only, but anything to do with academics or attendance was entirely her responsibility. The first week of school, she went once. The second week of school, she went twice. The third week of school, she went on Monday despite a bad cold she'd acquired. She had an appointment the following day to see a doctor about the cold, but went home Monday night with somebody she met on myspace, and blew off the appointment, and never returned to school.

    She finally got another appointment to see a doctor last week, got some antibiotics, and is doing much better, but did not return to school.

    One day last week, I got a call from the school secretary wondering about N*'s many absences. I told her N* was actually sick, and reminded her I would not call in for her when she was sick, it was N*'s responsibility. Two days later, the school social worker called me with the same concern. I repeated what I told the secretary and invited the SW to call N* at home. She did. I heard the message on the machine. N* did not return the call. Yesterday, the school principal called me. He said N* had missed too many days of school to qualify for any credit at all this semester in her 8 classes. I told him what I told the other two. He said he would send a letter to N* to tell her she'd been removed from the school for too many absences. I asked him if they would have worked with her while she was sick (and pregnant) if she'd bothered to pick up the phone, apprise them of her situation, and offer to do some work from home. He said they work with kids in special circumstances all the time. I asked him to put that information in the letter to N* as a special favor to me - since it was something I had suggested she do when she was too sick to go to school. He agreed.

    N* told me last night she was thinking she was finally well enough to return to school on Friday. I hope the letter from the school arrived today while I was at work. I did not share with her that people from the school called me. Guess I could have, but what I have to say usually falls on deaf ears, so I kept it to myself, and am hoping the shock of the letter will rattle her somewhat.

    Maybe now she'll actually take it seriously that she needs an education - even if she finds she can only make it through a high school curriculum.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry she is getting kicked out.

    I have found that nothing I say is ever received as me knowing a darned thing. I know nothing. So now I just say nothing and let Cory find everything out for himself.
  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I definitely "hear" you and you have my sympathies. My difficult child is just like yours.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Life lessons are usually the one's that take hold. You know, we parents don't know anything. Nice touch you had the school add in that they'd have been willing to work with her.

  5. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Wow, CJ, I am impressed with how you are handling all this--putting the responsibility on difficult child and allowing her to reap the consequences. Great job! Sorry it has to be this way though....
  6. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Well, there was no letter in the mail when I got home from work yesterday. Despite N* telling me she thought she'd go back to school today, when I left for work, she was still in bed.
  7. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I imagine you'll see some fireworks and/or pity parties when the letter finally arrives. I'm sorry she chose not to follow through, but life lessons seem to be the only things that work with our kids ...
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    you handle all the drama with your niece so very well. I am impressed. Esp as she has now brought all the upheaval and expense of a pregnancy into your life - and she seems to have no intention to get a job to pay for the expense! You are doing a great job. And it is such a tough job.

    Sending gentle hugs and a pat on the back,

  9. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Thank you for the kind words. It is a struggle to watch her fall, putting on a show that "everything is fine" - and nothing could be further from the truth. Still no letter in the mail from the school this week. Maybe the principal has some difficult child genes.