difficult child kicked out of summer camp

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dixiegirl34, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. dixiegirl34

    dixiegirl34 New Member

    difficult child,12, almost 13 was kicked out of summer camp yesterday for bulling an overweight child in his cabin, cussing, and complete disrespect of authority.
    This is the first time he has been kicked out of a group. I am devastated! He keeps blaming everyone else and refuses to see his own faults. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    We cleaned his room out of everything he owns except his bed, dresser, and clothes. I'm so afraid of the path he is taking
    that he will end up in so much trouble in school this year.
    He keeps making very poor friend choices and likes to be the leader of the group.
    I know a lot of you have been through this kind of stuff a lot longer than me so I'm just looking fo some advice and support.
    husband is getting very weary with him and talking about military school? Anyone had success with that?
    Just a very, very worried mom here.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I have to admit that husband and I considered military school for our difficult child also. But the more we thought about it and talked to others on our "team", we figured that sending an ODD child to military school probably wouldn't be a good "fit". Not saying it couldn't work with someone, just probably wouldn't have been the best idea for us.

    Your profile doesn't say but do you have your son in counseling or therapy of some sort? It can sometimes be difficult finding a good one that your child clicks with but once you do, there can be improvements. It's by no means a "magic fix" but it can help somewhat.

    Sending hugs....mine has been kicked out of after school programs, Boys/Girls club...all sorts of things.
  3. dixiegirl34

    dixiegirl34 New Member

    My son has been to several conselors and the one we have right now has made more progress than any. He has helped husband and I as well since we often don't see eye to eye on difficult child isues.
    husband has the philosophy that difficult child can always help himself from doing his destructive behavior and I believe difficult child has a real problem that needs help not just punishment.

    It's sooo hard and difficult child's behavior has affected our two easy child's and our marriage.

    difficult child just doesn't respond to consequences.

    I too think military schoo would be a bad thing for him.
    husband is getting very tired of it all.
    And I'm tired emotionally of everything.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I can definately empathize. In some ways husband and I are fortunate in that difficult child is our only child at the moment. (We plan on adopting again but we are waiting till we have a bigger house and/or difficult child is out of the house. There's just too much going on with him right now and I want a girl. As we only have a 2 bedroom house, I have to wait.) I just couldn't imagine have other kids in the house dealing with difficult child's behavior/mouth/disregard for other's things/etc. There have been times that I have been sooooo tempted to find myself a little apartment of my own just for a couple of months. husband occasionally gets these spurts of ....... for lack of a better term.......brain farts and thinks he knows what's going on and what we need to do with difficult child. It's not that he doesn't do some of the doctor appts and things but I do the majority of it and he just isn't always on the same page. Plus he is the "easier" of the two of us and doesn't always use his head. (As in difficult child is behaving horribly so husband will take him with him on errands to get him out of the house and give me a break. While they are out, he will proceed to buy difficult child something. That's when I get my "vacation" mood going and think, ok, you think you have it down? Here you go! I can't really offer any advice but again, sending hugs....been there done that.
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    My husband went to military school. He was only 8 and his brother 13. They went because there was nobody to care for them. Mom left them when husband was 3, and his father worked out of town. husband didn't have a problem, but is pretty compliant. When we have mentioned it in conversation with difficult child, he just says he won't do what they say. husband says you will. difficult child states he won't and what will they do about it???
    My difficult child has been kicked out of so many things, we don't even sign him up for anything. I believe he does so on purpose. Somehow to prove a point to us. So, we stopped signing him up or sending him places. (he didn't like going places like camp/day-care etc)
    Don't know what to tell you. Does he need to be in camp? Maybe it was just to much for him.
  6. IMSnoopee

    IMSnoopee New Member

    My son has ODD and is 8 -- he's been kicked out of soooo many things that it doesn't really faze me anymore. Until I realized there was a real issue going on, he'd been to a few preschools and daycares. So don't get too worked up about the summer camp. I would, however, in the future look for summer camps designed around children with emotional/social disorders. There's not many out there and some are 'day' camps.

    I've really struggled about whether my son has a choice about his behavior. I know that he feels so bad about himself after he's done something to make people HE CARES ABOUT angry. I doubt my son would care a lick if all the people at camp were mad at him because he's not emotionally attached. So again, I wouldn't be too worried about your son's remorse.

    One thing for my son when it comes to "being the leader" -- it's more about control. He needs to feel in control of things because he's so out of control with his emotions and reactions. Especially when it comes to school. He's the youngest at home and is always bossed around by his older brothers, so most incidents happen in school where he feels superior to the other kids playing "baby" games, as he calls it.

    It's really easy for me to get frustrated with my son, especially when I'm tired from working all day, the house is a mess, and I just want to stop thinking for two minutes. And he doesn't respond to consequences. I have to muster up the energy to calmly talk to him and explain the options he has -- and I mean on how to react to something. Not the options of punishment.

    I really think military school is an option that is quite scary. It could really break your child's spirit in a bad way. My son has to have very clear boundaries at all times and the person in charge must be tougher than him, but still funny and loving -- and forgiving! I think the military school would have the strict boundaries, but not compassion and forgiveness.

    Another thing to consider is his self-esteem. Kids with ADHD/ADD/ODD (social/emotional issues) tend to have a very hard time making and keeping friends. Not just because of annoying them or hurting them, but because other parents don't want their kids hurt, etc. Under all that bad behavior is a kid who really needs someone to forgive him.

    *sigh* I don't have all the answers, otherwise, why would I be here, too? But I understand so much of what you're going through.

    Take care.