Cannot sleep. Been lying here thinking of difficult child over the years. Wondering how much of his 'quirks' are nature versus nuture. I see patterns of exteme selfishness starting about 7th grade. Coupled with a lack of effort and goals...low self-esteem....trouble finding and keeping steady friends...critical of most people. How much of that was present from birth? I say that because I am starting to see some parallels between difficult child and my ex. difficult child was diagnosed adhd at 3 years. difficult child had colic. Screamed for the first nine months of life. Refused any and all pacifiers. Would only nurse. We tried everything. The day care tried. Nothing worked. In short....a difficult child. People tell me all the time what a good mother I am. Sure, I have done a lot wrong but not because I didn't try..or care...or love him. But I have been there for him and am appalled to be here now. Guess I feel like maybe none of it really mattered....at least to difficult child. Gonna be a long week. I have scans (cancer survivor) and difficult child has court for dui. Surrounding all that with Al-anon, time with good friends and prayers. Thanks for your willingness to share your stories. Been reading a lot of the old posts and learning.