Well it has almost been one year since I found this is site, and as I look back, my son has continued to slide downwards, although ,he has made many attempts at getting sober. He is using heroin or pills and has been for years. He has lost his daughter and wife, jobs, his car, and just recently gave his beloved dog up for rescue since he is homeless. My journey is surreal at time as I sit at my desk and interact with successful young people and happy people my age, all dealing with life's ups and downs but not too many with such an extreme case as mine. I love him of course and have endured so much heartache watching him suffer at his own hands. I thought today how he won't follow advise from detox and rehab professionals and tries to do everything his way; he has been like that since he was little and it has never served him well. I am much stronger than I was a year ago and I enjoy the blessings in my life, but this definitely overshadows things. I have been having very symbolic dreams lately where he is holding me, squeezing me, and threatening my safety; so interesting, my subconscious is speaking to me and I am working hard to take care of myself . I pointed him towards sources of help today as he left begging messages for help on my work phone. My friend who is an ER physician, said there isn't much help for him as an uninsured addict, and he would have to take a lot of his recovery into his own hands with minimal outpatient services. Just venting. I keep thinking about if he dies, how absolutely hard it will be for all of us who love him so much but can't stand him right now as he is.