difficult child not going again

Jena

New Member
hi,

just jumping in quick, i had to involve the school last year when difficult child wouldnt' leave the house. even though she's almost 10 she's a tall ten not too far from my height actually.

so, when it got to the point where she'd say that's it i'm not going i called the school and the social worker accompanied by the pyschdoc would plan on coming out to the house and if necessary physically removing her from our homeand into the building. This never had to happen because the threat was enough to send her anxiety thru the roof and she got scared and stopped the verbal attacks on me and the physical clinging to furniture.

Than the next step was she would try to jump out of the car on our way to school, so i'd lock down and drive fast. than we'd hit the parking lot and she wouldnt' get out of the truck so i used the team inside to come into the parking lot. such fun, right?? it never seems to end with our kids, lol i dont' mean to laugh but the simple things can be such a struggle.

so, anyway is there anyone with whom would literally come to the house to remove him???

just a thought.
 

klmno

Active Member
If it gets to the point of police coming (resource officer or not), it will be a legal issue for truancy- meaning a hearing before the judge to review his probation and suspended sentence. I also have to bear in mind that with his legal situation, I can end up with charges if I don't make him do what he's supposed to. I see it more as a combination of things- the illnesses plus not trying hard enough.

From what I've seen though, the people who we have to answer to see it as an either/or situation. If PO or police are called, they ignore the health issues. If mental health is concentrated on, it minimizes the court involvement. So, I'm trying to keep it focused in that area while still emphasizing the importance of difficult child trying his best. I just need a little back up from someone else on this since difficult child is listening to me less and less as he gets older- he tends to need to hear the warnings from someone else.

I don't think it has helped matters any that he sees that I have basicly no control over the "big" issues in our lives anymore. The court/PO pretty much dictated things and they are really the ones making the choices for difficult child, except for things like me removing the computer keyboard/mouse, what he eats for dinner, time he goes to bed, etc. That brings me to another thorn in my side- the PO is least educated and youngest and least experienced in all of this, yet most decisions are in her ballpark right now and technically, she is my one and only point of contact that I am supposed to go to with any issue.

Well, she is clueless- she believes depression can be "lectured" or disciplined out of a person, she blames me for everything-she has made so many comments to me that reveal so much ignorance, I cringe at the thought of going to her. Based on my experience with her over the past year, I'm much better off coming up with a solution that I find acceptable so that when we are in court, there is an option to present to the judge other than what the PO proposes/recommends. Otherwise, the PO shoots me down and recommends something absurd to the judge and since no one proposes anything any differently, the judge goes with that.

Really- this PO told me last year that I was wasting my time to have an MDE by a highly reknowned psychiatrist done on difficult child because the judge hadn't ordered me to do it. As it turned out- the judge of course was very interested in seeing the report from that psychiatrist and the judge ultimately ruled based on those recommendations. Then at one point, the PO had told me to just write a letter to the judge explaining my position on something. Come to find out, the judge would never read that letter and shouldn't have- I had to request a re-hearing. But, if I'd just listened to the PO, I never would have known that. She's done many things that make my skin crawl.

I'm thinking about a meeting with the principal and difficult child.

All that being said- I still can no longer ignore that I simply can't afford to keep going like this. I don't have the money. I understand this is a process and I'm happy to still do what I can, but I can't afford for difficult child to live at home right now. I'll look into some things suggested recently on the board and see if I can find any help. I know it takes some time to get things in place, even if they are available. But, until things are going better, I'm drained dry- financially and mentally.

difficult child just came and told me that he thinks he's having a reaction to all these new medications. (That's understandable) He says he feels hyper and jittery and can't sit still. I told him we'll try taking psychiatrist's medications back to where they were. As far as the physical portion- difficult child has to learn that when I tell him to use his allergy medications, he needs to do it. When I tell him to wear a warm shirt or not go out and play in the cold rain, he needs to do it. I realize that stuff is typical teen and he should just learn the hard way. The problem is that in our situation- between difficult child's mental health issues, school issues, and legal issues, on top of my need to get to work- difficult child does not have the luxery of that. I guess I was hoping for too much when I thought he might be able to give it his all in order for me to maintain until we can get our heads above water again. I don't really blame him that he can't, I just have to face that he can't.

I can't go to work and leave him alone for long periods- the PO and judge would have one fit if I did. I assured them he would stay supervised before the judge let him out of juvy.

Sorry this turned into another one of my books- LOL!
 
Last edited:

Jena

New Member
Hi,

I had no idea you had such a juggling act going on over there. You really do, between the PO with whom is obviously dillusional in her attempts and her thought process regarding children like ours, to the point you make that "he" no longer sees you as the "one in charge".

is there anything that can be done to request a different PO at this point, someone with whom will truly help you, and not squash you and make you feel this way, and someone with whom's touch may be a little lighter so that difficult child sees that Mom's still in charge. Which is so so important in a single family household.
 

klmno

Active Member
I tried last year, Jennifer, I called her supervisor and he didn't seem to get it anymore than the PO. The judge does get it, I believe, but she has to weigh what the other people in the court say, too. Then, it isn't always preferable to have to take every issue into court before the judge again. She has to back the system, too, which means that the PO is the one overseeing things- until the PO decides that difficult child no longer needs to be on probation. Then, the PO will request that the judge sign him off.
 

klmno

Active Member
He's raging now. So far, he's only throwing things at his bedroom door and putting holes all the way through it. But, I'm afraid it's going to lead to more. He has one of the dogs in his bedrooom with him- he's never hurt her but I'm sure she's not liking this. He came and grabbed the phone- it's going to be a long night.

Well, I've decided- no more AD for him. Between the AD, the increase in depakote and the albuterol, I think that mental line just got crossed.
 

lillians

lillians
we do have a resourse here called rain or shine,, and for a fee of course they will come to your home weach day and somehow get your child out the door,,i didnt have the fee,, but maybe yu have some such thing as for the dog,, wow maybe the dog will bite the child,,is there a way yu can ask your child to repair the damage,,, the last melt dow here we asked of him he repair it ,,and he did and actually felt better it relievs some of the shame,,
 

klmno

Active Member
It's all calm now, LOL! You know, with bipolar, the one thing I can count on is "this too shall pass" LOL! I just never know how long it will take. The dog is fine- difficult child came out of his room shortly after I posted and the dog followed. He vented then asked for some time to "relieve some stress", (which is allowed here), then he just finished his dinner. I haven't looked at his bedroom door yet, but I don't care how much he bashed it up- I am putting that in his "natural consequence" basket. When I went up there earlier, he already had a hole about 6-8 inches in diameter all the way through the door- about eye level so I could see right into his room. The door was already damaged so I figure if he put holes in it to the point that it is useless, it might be him that ends up regretting it more than me.

Anyway, when he was venting, he did say a couple of sensible things that he said he'd discussed with his therapist. After he started to calm, I reminded him that we'd discussed if this new medication mix caused him mood problems, that we would change it but he needed to make every effort to be aware and try not to act on those mood changes. That is when he asked for "stress relief time", which I have told him is an acceptable alternative to raging, leaving without permission, being disrespectful, etc.

Of course, he's not doing that great- he hasn't done one bit of school work/homework today. He should be doing it now but he is not.

Thanks for "checking in"- I'm hanging in there!
 
Last edited:

mom_to_3

Active Member
klmno, I don't know your whole story, but wondered in your quest for help........... what if you either took or called an ambulance or police to take your son to the emergency room or psychiatric hospital when he was raging and then forced them to keep him and possibly place him in an appropriate, safe setting until he could get medications straight and back on the path to following directions, going to school, stop physically destroying your home and grabbing telephones. Something just has to give, your son is too old and too big to be acting in this way. I would be a nervous wreck if that were going on in my home.

I did some searching for you looking for avenue's for help. I hope something here opens a door for you both.

I found this website and it seems you should get some kind of help from here:

Welcome to the Comprehensive Services Act for At-Risk Youth and Families....

It is the belief of PEATC that families can become effective advocates for their children when provided information about laws that are intended to protect and serve their families and by sharing strategies others have used for working with professionals. PEATC further believes that collaborative partnerships between families and professionals are established when systems honor Family-Centered Principles. The following information is intended to give basic information about the Comprehensive Services Act for At-Risk Youth and Families.


Are you aware of Commonwealth Institute for Child and Family Studies? on their webpage that they: Serve as a resource to individuals and organizations by providing training, technical assistance, and research services among other things. It's worth calling and picking their brains.

Seems like these places could be investigated:

Virginia Department of Education
Office of Special Education and Student Services
P.O. Box 2120 - Richmond, VA 23218-2120
804-225-2402

Virginia Department of Health
Division of Child & Adolescent Health
P.O. Box 2448 - Richmond, VA 23218
804-786-7367
http://www.vdh.state.va.us
Department of Mental Health, Mental Retardation and Substance Abuse Services
P.O. Box 1797 - Richmond, VA 23218
804-786-3921
 

lillians

lillians
i remember once when our son was in a rage at school, he tore the palce apart,, the principal walked him thru it quietly removing him from classroom without our son even knowing it,, then sat down and let him carry on,, its over as fast as it starts,,our son then as well as now , will immediately pick up and repair what he can as tho someone else did that,, lol and normal is back,, there is so me wee demon inside,,, but as he gets older its the medications or some sense thinking happening it happens seldom now,,
 

klmno

Active Member
Mom to 3- thank you for your efforts!! I have already been in contact with 2 of those places- but not all of them. I had been trying to find out how to get CSA involved but that it where I hit a wall. I did not try going through the resource you posted, however, so now I have another avenue I can try!! Thanks again!!
 
Top