Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child not going again
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 218761"><p>klmno - My hindsight:</p><p></p><p>difficult child started school refusal in the 2nd grade. I picked her up and physically carried her to the car with her kicking, screaming, sobbing, grabbing ahold of the handrail and walls, side of the car - she would get out of the car when we got to school, but she was wiping tears every time. I would make deals that if she went to school with no battles, that I would come and have lunch with her - which she loved for me to do. Even that wasn't enough of an incentive. The anxiety was stronger.</p><p></p><p>It became harder and harder for me to force her to school every day - especially seeing how miserable she was and how she mustered up every bit of her courage every time she walked in the building. It broke my heart.</p><p></p><p>I tried to get the school on board, but they were hard in denial. And I was ignorant and naive about SD's and these issues.</p><p></p><p>The situation just escalated and in the 6th grade, she missed 88 days of school. She has a diagnosis of panic disorder, but the only thing that triggers it is school. She has severe anxiety, but it's only school that triggers panic attacks. And I know in my gut that it's because this issue was allowed to go on for soooo long.</p><p></p><p>My advice - get a plan with the school. Something, anything. Even if he just gets in the building and spends some time collecting himself in the office before going to class. He just has to make that one step. Then another. Instead of having to dive in all at once. Have a plan where if he's feeling, whatever it is he's feeling that's making him not want to go to school, that he can have a pass and go to a resource room, a quiet room, the nurse's office - somewhere where he can collect himself. If you have relaxing CD's that help him calm down, use those during that time. He's going to be way behind. Can the teachers work with him during a free period, lunch, before or after school to help him catch up? If not, is there a tutor the school could provide? Perhaps an upper classman who would be willing to help - it could even count, maybe, as some community service type thing that looks good on college applications for that student. Maybe this will help him feel less overwhelmed about being behind?</p><p></p><p>The more they miss, the harder it becomes for them to go. The anxiety feeds on itself. Then they have work to make up and they're falling behind and it becomes overwhelming which fuels even more anxiety.</p><p></p><p>I wish that I knew 6 years ago what I know now. I wish that I hadn't been so naive as to think that if my child was having a problem related to school that they would naturally help. I wish that I had handled things way differently. I followed the advice of the school administrators even when it felt wrong. I have so much regret - so much. It's hard to see when you're in the midst of it because you're just seeing behaviors and you're tired and frustrated and grasping at straws and you've got the SD breathing down you're neck that you're going to be in trouble for truancy and then you have a truancy mediation meeting with a liasion from Juvenile Court and then the guidance counselor completely misstates what was discussed and refuses to take it out of the file until you call the liasion and raise a stink and...and...and... You just want it to stop. You just want your child to do what s/he is supposed to do. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 218761"] klmno - My hindsight: difficult child started school refusal in the 2nd grade. I picked her up and physically carried her to the car with her kicking, screaming, sobbing, grabbing ahold of the handrail and walls, side of the car - she would get out of the car when we got to school, but she was wiping tears every time. I would make deals that if she went to school with no battles, that I would come and have lunch with her - which she loved for me to do. Even that wasn't enough of an incentive. The anxiety was stronger. It became harder and harder for me to force her to school every day - especially seeing how miserable she was and how she mustered up every bit of her courage every time she walked in the building. It broke my heart. I tried to get the school on board, but they were hard in denial. And I was ignorant and naive about SD's and these issues. The situation just escalated and in the 6th grade, she missed 88 days of school. She has a diagnosis of panic disorder, but the only thing that triggers it is school. She has severe anxiety, but it's only school that triggers panic attacks. And I know in my gut that it's because this issue was allowed to go on for soooo long. My advice - get a plan with the school. Something, anything. Even if he just gets in the building and spends some time collecting himself in the office before going to class. He just has to make that one step. Then another. Instead of having to dive in all at once. Have a plan where if he's feeling, whatever it is he's feeling that's making him not want to go to school, that he can have a pass and go to a resource room, a quiet room, the nurse's office - somewhere where he can collect himself. If you have relaxing CD's that help him calm down, use those during that time. He's going to be way behind. Can the teachers work with him during a free period, lunch, before or after school to help him catch up? If not, is there a tutor the school could provide? Perhaps an upper classman who would be willing to help - it could even count, maybe, as some community service type thing that looks good on college applications for that student. Maybe this will help him feel less overwhelmed about being behind? The more they miss, the harder it becomes for them to go. The anxiety feeds on itself. Then they have work to make up and they're falling behind and it becomes overwhelming which fuels even more anxiety. I wish that I knew 6 years ago what I know now. I wish that I hadn't been so naive as to think that if my child was having a problem related to school that they would naturally help. I wish that I had handled things way differently. I followed the advice of the school administrators even when it felt wrong. I have so much regret - so much. It's hard to see when you're in the midst of it because you're just seeing behaviors and you're tired and frustrated and grasping at straws and you've got the SD breathing down you're neck that you're going to be in trouble for truancy and then you have a truancy mediation meeting with a liasion from Juvenile Court and then the guidance counselor completely misstates what was discussed and refuses to take it out of the file until you call the liasion and raise a stink and...and...and... You just want it to stop. You just want your child to do what s/he is supposed to do. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child not going again
Top