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difficult child not going again
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 218816" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Well, I tried that before- he just stayed in bed. There are various phases in this- it's been going on for weeks now. It clearly started as depression. Then, it was physical. Now, I think it's mental health, physical, difficulty getting back into it, and plain 'ole soaking it for what it's worth (manipulation). He knows there is no way that I can physically get him to school myself. He is fine once (if) he gets out of bed and dressed and headed to the car. </p><p></p><p>I left this morning for a while- I had to stop and run an errand then I was going on to work. I came back home instead and told him we needed to talk. I told him that I can no longer afford to do this and I had no choice but to look into placing him outside of home, temporarily, unless there was some reason that he couldn't get to school that we could find a solution for. He said he couldn't hear. (He has had ear infections but seemed to be hearing me just fine.) I told him even deaf people have to go to school.</p><p></p><p>He said it was hard for him to go to school yesterdday and he was mad because I didn't go to work yesterday. Then, he kept trying to turn all this back on me. I told him it wasn't about blame. I realize it was hard on him and that he'd been sick. I realize we've both made decisions that got us to this situation. But just like it will take more than him doing one homework assignment to get things turned around at school, it's going to take a lot more for me to get things turned around financially. I told him if I was just trying to punish him, I'd be talking to the PO, who will take him before the judge and have his suspended sentence revoked. I understand that he needs more than I can give him right now because if my efforts were going to work things wouldn't have gotten to this point.</p><p></p><p>I told him I'd be happy to set up a meeting for us with the school but what good would it do to have work reduced (already in place), extra supports at school (already in place), etc., if he simply could not make himself get out of bed in the mornings? And I reminded him that he has proven to me time and time again that I cannot make him get out of bed in the mornings. </p><p></p><p>He said he was not leaving home and not leaving the dogs. I told him that this was not his choice and that if he is placed out of the home, we would be able to visit, he might be able to come visit the dogs, and someday come back home to live after I get things back in order and he gets to a point where he can do what needs to be done without needing help that I can't give him.</p><p></p><p>He just kept repeating that he wasn't leaving.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea how to find another place for him to live, temporarily. I have a call into the state dept of mental health- again. I can call the school and ask for a meeting. I still need to pursue out of home placement. I will continue to pursue options that might help him get things turned around, but since I don't think they will turn around overnight, I can't afford to do anything else. If this does make him turn things around overnight, then that's fine.</p><p></p><p>If anyone has any other ideas or knows effective steps I can take, I'm open to hearing any possible options. I have explained to him that if I sit here and don't do anything, 1) it will be viewed as 100% a discpline issue and the PO and judge will handle it as such and 2) we will lose the home and everything and it will be us two and our dogs sitting in that car with no food- and they don't allow dogs to be taken to shelters for the homeless and 3) if he's taken from home under those circumstances, it will be all the harder to get him back home.</p><p></p><p>I hope I'm not just blowing smoke about something I can't back up- like when he first got into trouble at 11 yo and I told him I'd have him put in juvy for a weekend if he didn't behave. Only to find out that a parent cannot just show up with a kid and have them put in juvvy for a weekend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 218816, member: 3699"] Well, I tried that before- he just stayed in bed. There are various phases in this- it's been going on for weeks now. It clearly started as depression. Then, it was physical. Now, I think it's mental health, physical, difficulty getting back into it, and plain 'ole soaking it for what it's worth (manipulation). He knows there is no way that I can physically get him to school myself. He is fine once (if) he gets out of bed and dressed and headed to the car. I left this morning for a while- I had to stop and run an errand then I was going on to work. I came back home instead and told him we needed to talk. I told him that I can no longer afford to do this and I had no choice but to look into placing him outside of home, temporarily, unless there was some reason that he couldn't get to school that we could find a solution for. He said he couldn't hear. (He has had ear infections but seemed to be hearing me just fine.) I told him even deaf people have to go to school. He said it was hard for him to go to school yesterdday and he was mad because I didn't go to work yesterday. Then, he kept trying to turn all this back on me. I told him it wasn't about blame. I realize it was hard on him and that he'd been sick. I realize we've both made decisions that got us to this situation. But just like it will take more than him doing one homework assignment to get things turned around at school, it's going to take a lot more for me to get things turned around financially. I told him if I was just trying to punish him, I'd be talking to the PO, who will take him before the judge and have his suspended sentence revoked. I understand that he needs more than I can give him right now because if my efforts were going to work things wouldn't have gotten to this point. I told him I'd be happy to set up a meeting for us with the school but what good would it do to have work reduced (already in place), extra supports at school (already in place), etc., if he simply could not make himself get out of bed in the mornings? And I reminded him that he has proven to me time and time again that I cannot make him get out of bed in the mornings. He said he was not leaving home and not leaving the dogs. I told him that this was not his choice and that if he is placed out of the home, we would be able to visit, he might be able to come visit the dogs, and someday come back home to live after I get things back in order and he gets to a point where he can do what needs to be done without needing help that I can't give him. He just kept repeating that he wasn't leaving. I have no idea how to find another place for him to live, temporarily. I have a call into the state dept of mental health- again. I can call the school and ask for a meeting. I still need to pursue out of home placement. I will continue to pursue options that might help him get things turned around, but since I don't think they will turn around overnight, I can't afford to do anything else. If this does make him turn things around overnight, then that's fine. If anyone has any other ideas or knows effective steps I can take, I'm open to hearing any possible options. I have explained to him that if I sit here and don't do anything, 1) it will be viewed as 100% a discpline issue and the PO and judge will handle it as such and 2) we will lose the home and everything and it will be us two and our dogs sitting in that car with no food- and they don't allow dogs to be taken to shelters for the homeless and 3) if he's taken from home under those circumstances, it will be all the harder to get him back home. I hope I'm not just blowing smoke about something I can't back up- like when he first got into trouble at 11 yo and I told him I'd have him put in juvy for a weekend if he didn't behave. Only to find out that a parent cannot just show up with a kid and have them put in juvvy for a weekend. [/QUOTE]
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