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difficult child parents in denial
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 627377" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>brother in law,</p><p></p><p>sadly, the answer to your question is....you cannot. You can't control the behavior of other adults. You can only control your own reaction. You can work in ways to minimize the stress and aggravation your brother in law's behavior has on YOU, and maybe on your wife. That is all that is in your purview.</p><p></p><p>Do they complain about him to you? You can ask them to stop, and explain why it is frustrating.</p><p></p><p>Does he attempt to mooch off you? You can put an end to that.</p><p></p><p>Do you hate to even see him? You can explain to the in-laws that it is frustrating and hurtful to you to see him take advantage of them, and you need to see them when he is not around (although be VERY careful of drawing lines with in-laws about their own kids!! blood is thick, parental guilt and enabling is thicker...)</p><p></p><p>But you can't get them to stop taking care of him. They already know, in their hearts, that there is something amiss.</p><p></p><p>I suppose...in the best of all worlds...if you are a real diplomatic and can suspend judgment...you could ask them if they are OK with how things are between them and your brother in law, and if not if they would like to talk things over....which would open the door to helping them learn about co-dependence and enabling...but if not...you run the risk of alienating yourself and your wife. ONly you know if it is worth it.</p><p></p><p>Very frustrating to be an observer in the game of using/enabling. I feel your pain!</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 627377, member: 17269"] brother in law, sadly, the answer to your question is....you cannot. You can't control the behavior of other adults. You can only control your own reaction. You can work in ways to minimize the stress and aggravation your brother in law's behavior has on YOU, and maybe on your wife. That is all that is in your purview. Do they complain about him to you? You can ask them to stop, and explain why it is frustrating. Does he attempt to mooch off you? You can put an end to that. Do you hate to even see him? You can explain to the in-laws that it is frustrating and hurtful to you to see him take advantage of them, and you need to see them when he is not around (although be VERY careful of drawing lines with in-laws about their own kids!! blood is thick, parental guilt and enabling is thicker...) But you can't get them to stop taking care of him. They already know, in their hearts, that there is something amiss. I suppose...in the best of all worlds...if you are a real diplomatic and can suspend judgment...you could ask them if they are OK with how things are between them and your brother in law, and if not if they would like to talk things over....which would open the door to helping them learn about co-dependence and enabling...but if not...you run the risk of alienating yourself and your wife. ONly you know if it is worth it. Very frustrating to be an observer in the game of using/enabling. I feel your pain! Echo [/QUOTE]
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