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difficult child pushing the envelope
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<blockquote data-quote="ShakinThingzUp" data-source="post: 92067" data-attributes="member: 4250"><p>I agree with the others about the supervision, and think that your plan of changing your sleep time schedule is a good start.</p><p></p><p>Here's another idea....</p><p></p><p>Rather than grounding my daughter and taking things away (because she would then just blame me and use that to back up her claims that I'm an awful & mean person, which is not teaching her responsibility at all...) instead I took everything up front, and made her earn it back.</p><p></p><p>I took her out to lunch, just she and I, and we talked openly about how I wasn't able to trust her. It took some pushing, but during our lunch, she admitted that she had lied to me a lot and I had reason to distrust her.</p><p></p><p>So, I explained that I could not trust her and she needed to EARN my trust. She needed to prove to me that she could be trusted, and earn all the privileges she wants.</p><p></p><p>For example - food, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in are all what I consider rights of a child - they are entitled to those things just by being a child.</p><p></p><p>radios, "nice" clothes (the ones they want), MP-3 players, CD players, jewelry, etc. ---- all those things are privileges and not required for a child to be safe and healthy.</p><p></p><p>If my daughter wants THOSE things, she has to earn them......... just like in the real world. </p><p></p><p>In the real world, if we want nice things we have to work to earn them - we have to do our jobs.</p><p></p><p>Your childs job is to do what you say, to follow your rules.</p><p></p><p>When she follows your rules, she can have her radio, MP-3 player, etc. back ONE AT A TIME, as she EARNS YOUR TRUST, and proves she can follow the rules.</p><p></p><p>If you take it all, and I mean ALL away, then she is going to get ticked off, and rebel the first week - and you have to tell her that its up to her to earn it back and hold your ground.</p><p></p><p>It took my daughter a while to "get it," that she would have to really earn it & pretending to behave a few days wasn't going to get all her stuff back......... it had to be long term.</p><p></p><p>For example - following ALL the rules back for ONE week could get her the item of her choice.</p><p></p><p>Develop your own system of having her earn it back....</p><p></p><p>God Bless!</p><p>Amy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ShakinThingzUp, post: 92067, member: 4250"] I agree with the others about the supervision, and think that your plan of changing your sleep time schedule is a good start. Here's another idea.... Rather than grounding my daughter and taking things away (because she would then just blame me and use that to back up her claims that I'm an awful & mean person, which is not teaching her responsibility at all...) instead I took everything up front, and made her earn it back. I took her out to lunch, just she and I, and we talked openly about how I wasn't able to trust her. It took some pushing, but during our lunch, she admitted that she had lied to me a lot and I had reason to distrust her. So, I explained that I could not trust her and she needed to EARN my trust. She needed to prove to me that she could be trusted, and earn all the privileges she wants. For example - food, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in are all what I consider rights of a child - they are entitled to those things just by being a child. radios, "nice" clothes (the ones they want), MP-3 players, CD players, jewelry, etc. ---- all those things are privileges and not required for a child to be safe and healthy. If my daughter wants THOSE things, she has to earn them......... just like in the real world. In the real world, if we want nice things we have to work to earn them - we have to do our jobs. Your childs job is to do what you say, to follow your rules. When she follows your rules, she can have her radio, MP-3 player, etc. back ONE AT A TIME, as she EARNS YOUR TRUST, and proves she can follow the rules. If you take it all, and I mean ALL away, then she is going to get ticked off, and rebel the first week - and you have to tell her that its up to her to earn it back and hold your ground. It took my daughter a while to "get it," that she would have to really earn it & pretending to behave a few days wasn't going to get all her stuff back......... it had to be long term. For example - following ALL the rules back for ONE week could get her the item of her choice. Develop your own system of having her earn it back.... God Bless! Amy [/QUOTE]
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