difficult child quit football

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by llamafarm, Oct 7, 2012.

  1. llamafarm

    llamafarm New Member

    grrr. This was his second year of football and I put off calling the coach far too long. Game today but he won't go. The team has already assembled for the pre-game warm-up so I texted the coach to let him know difficult child wouldn't be there. husband was going to contact coach earlier today but didn't so I had to. grrr. Of course I could have done it any time, but I didn't either. difficult child wouldn't go back after a bad loss and a bad play that he made. I am fighting so many other things that I just let that one go. Feeling like an irresponsible parent who doesn't make her kid complete what he started. Well.... I guess that is what I am. But there is so much more to it than that....
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son, who is very shy and doesn't like crowds watching him, tried out for Little League many years ago. He made it and got on one of the best teams and everyone at school knew it. After a few practices, he came home and said it was too stressful, he was crying while playing, and that he wouldn't continue. We tried what we could to change his mind, but he flat out told us he wouldn't play, even if we drove him there. I can't say it changed his life much that he didn't play. He has always had over the top anxiety and he still does and is on medications at age 34 and playing Little League wouildn't have changed that. But he is also a VERY successful salesman! I know it doesn't make sense, but he knew what he could handle and what he couldn't handle. He does sales mostly in the office, as he still doesn't like to be in front of a group, but when he has to do it, he does. I never understood forcing a kid to do something (an activity) that he didn't want to do. I always said, "Try it and see if you like it." I understand the concept of not quitting and/or not letting your teammates down, however with difficult children I think that those "other circumstances" that drive our kids to make the decisions that they do need to be weighed and that mental health comes first. I know not everyone will agree with me, but, really, I always let my kids give up activities they didn't like, and my grown kids did not grow up to be quitters or slackers and both had been difficult children at one time.

    If it were me, I wouldn't sweat it too much. It really depends on his reason for not wanting to continue. by the way, I don't feel like you are an irresponsible parent. There are no playbooks on the "dos" and "don'Tourette's Syndrome" of raising difficult children. Sometimes just getting them to brush their teeth once a day is a victory.
     
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, I know the feeling. Last year I had difficult child drive all the way to the practice with-me and talk to the coaches in person. I figured it wasn't my job to get him out of it, regardless whether it was bona fide anxiety or laziness. He wanted to play and he talked about it for years. Three years ago he did fine. Then the practices got harder (I will admit, pushups and a 2-mile run in 100 degree heat is a lot for 7th graders).
    Anyway ... keep trying and insist that he's GOT to do 1 sport and he can choose it but has to stick with-it. If this was his only sport, it's your turn to pick now.
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I don't believe that organized sports - i.e. "team" sports - is necessarily the best option for many kids.
    It definitely doesn't work for either of mine... and k2 is next-to-easy child.

    Physical fitness IS important. Team sports is not the best way to gain or maintain fitness. What else can he do for exercise? For our kids, it was swimming lessons.
     
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