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difficult child refuses to do anything we say, sneaks out, etc
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 111088" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>My son is younger so this advice might have already been tried. He does get in modes like your difficult child and we're working on the medications and my difficult child has acted just like yours, so it might be worth a shot. When I see things have turned into a power struggle, I just quit whatever I've been trying- it's pointless in our house. When he's leaving without permission and I see the regular discipline/punishments aren't working, (I'm talking days time-not hours), I started waiting until a somewhat calm period and saying, "I know sometimes it's hard for you to stay put and sit still in the house- so, if you feel you HAVE to get out and do something, you need to either be back in 15-20 mins. or call me from a friend's house (use caller ID) so I'll know where you are. If I have to come look for you, you are inbigger trouble. If I look for you and can't find you, police will be called and you'll be in VERY BIG trouble because safety is first and you better let me know you are safe if you are." Calling the police here became a last resort because I used to call every "disappearance" on previous therapist's advice, and I can assure you, not only didn't they appreciate it, but when in court for difficult child's crime spree, it looked more like I was an incompetent parent. I now keep them out of it if at all possible.</p><p></p><p>I will say, even though difficult child wouldn't admit outright, and probably doesn't fully realize, that there are times he just can't find it in him to "stay put", if he left the house (after this conversation happened once or twice), he now comes home quickly or calls and asks if he can play at XXXX's house. I'm not talking late at night. Anyway, this approach seems to work and I'm ok with it- as long as it appears the problem is bipolar and we're working on medications. This behavior goes along with other symptons- EXCESSIVE talking, easily frustrated/angry, inability to concentrate at moments yet super focused on some things, etc. I left him alone at home for a short period a couple of mos. ago and wasn't here when I got back. Then, I walked into the kitchen and found a scribbled note saying "had to get out and ride my bike- will be back soon" and I was thrilled- he was back in about 10 mins. When he was first disappearing, it frustrated me more because he would be angry, so I was angry more for him not minding. When I started taking this approach, a lot of his anger, then mine, went away. I can't help but think now that sometimes he was angry because he really was "hyper" and foresaw a battle with me for expecting him to "stay put"--</p><p></p><p>Just one theory-- I'm still evaluating the situation with my difficult child so this could change at any moment!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 111088, member: 3699"] My son is younger so this advice might have already been tried. He does get in modes like your difficult child and we're working on the medications and my difficult child has acted just like yours, so it might be worth a shot. When I see things have turned into a power struggle, I just quit whatever I've been trying- it's pointless in our house. When he's leaving without permission and I see the regular discipline/punishments aren't working, (I'm talking days time-not hours), I started waiting until a somewhat calm period and saying, "I know sometimes it's hard for you to stay put and sit still in the house- so, if you feel you HAVE to get out and do something, you need to either be back in 15-20 mins. or call me from a friend's house (use caller ID) so I'll know where you are. If I have to come look for you, you are inbigger trouble. If I look for you and can't find you, police will be called and you'll be in VERY BIG trouble because safety is first and you better let me know you are safe if you are." Calling the police here became a last resort because I used to call every "disappearance" on previous therapist's advice, and I can assure you, not only didn't they appreciate it, but when in court for difficult child's crime spree, it looked more like I was an incompetent parent. I now keep them out of it if at all possible. I will say, even though difficult child wouldn't admit outright, and probably doesn't fully realize, that there are times he just can't find it in him to "stay put", if he left the house (after this conversation happened once or twice), he now comes home quickly or calls and asks if he can play at XXXX's house. I'm not talking late at night. Anyway, this approach seems to work and I'm ok with it- as long as it appears the problem is bipolar and we're working on medications. This behavior goes along with other symptons- EXCESSIVE talking, easily frustrated/angry, inability to concentrate at moments yet super focused on some things, etc. I left him alone at home for a short period a couple of mos. ago and wasn't here when I got back. Then, I walked into the kitchen and found a scribbled note saying "had to get out and ride my bike- will be back soon" and I was thrilled- he was back in about 10 mins. When he was first disappearing, it frustrated me more because he would be angry, so I was angry more for him not minding. When I started taking this approach, a lot of his anger, then mine, went away. I can't help but think now that sometimes he was angry because he really was "hyper" and foresaw a battle with me for expecting him to "stay put"-- Just one theory-- I'm still evaluating the situation with my difficult child so this could change at any moment!! [/QUOTE]
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