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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
difficult child relapsed . . . got kicked out of halfway house.
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 521088" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Kathy, (((hugs))) for you. </p><p></p><p>If your daughter can't manage more than one cycle at once, then, be it. </p><p>In this case, don't ask her to manage more than one cycle at once. Otherwise, it goes nowhere. </p><p>I firmly believe that at the moment, she needs to take care of her health. Like going back to DBT, getting sober, taking her mood stabilizers, learning to manage her bipolar. It's already a lot to recover, don't you think so ?</p><p></p><p>I can say that work is <u>not always</u> compatible with recovery. It can work with some persons, but not everyone. I'm not sure that both of them go together for your daughter, at least at the moment.</p><p>And a full time job may not fit her current needs. She may go part time, or may need a leave, or may need an inpatient program.... </p><p></p><p>What I can say is speak with her and make a written contract to agree with one or two goals. Rely on baby steps : it sounds that your daughter cannot make many drastic changes at time. Same for me. So, in this case, cut it into tiny tiny pieces, very measurable. Like "taking mood stabilizer every day and stopping using alcohol, one day at time, even one minute at time in the very beginning". It seems little, but no, it's already a lot for both. </p><p>Write also the rules and consequences. Keep the list short : the shortest, the best.</p><p>Our intuition when someone breaks the rule is adding more rules to counteract the broken rule. The only problem is that if we add more rules, rules are more often broken. </p><p>If you keep the list short and very specific, but these rules are consistently enforced, then, it will make your life more manageable. And all the family's life too. It's counter intuitive, but you lower the occasions for broken rules, so for a starter into the vicious circle. </p><p>Then post it somewhere visible for both of you. </p><p>Each time a rue is broken, you make her read the line, and apply the consequence for it. No comment, no condescending reply.... Matter of fact.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 521088, member: 14306"] Kathy, (((hugs))) for you. If your daughter can't manage more than one cycle at once, then, be it. In this case, don't ask her to manage more than one cycle at once. Otherwise, it goes nowhere. I firmly believe that at the moment, she needs to take care of her health. Like going back to DBT, getting sober, taking her mood stabilizers, learning to manage her bipolar. It's already a lot to recover, don't you think so ? I can say that work is [U]not always[/U] compatible with recovery. It can work with some persons, but not everyone. I'm not sure that both of them go together for your daughter, at least at the moment. And a full time job may not fit her current needs. She may go part time, or may need a leave, or may need an inpatient program.... What I can say is speak with her and make a written contract to agree with one or two goals. Rely on baby steps : it sounds that your daughter cannot make many drastic changes at time. Same for me. So, in this case, cut it into tiny tiny pieces, very measurable. Like "taking mood stabilizer every day and stopping using alcohol, one day at time, even one minute at time in the very beginning". It seems little, but no, it's already a lot for both. Write also the rules and consequences. Keep the list short : the shortest, the best. Our intuition when someone breaks the rule is adding more rules to counteract the broken rule. The only problem is that if we add more rules, rules are more often broken. If you keep the list short and very specific, but these rules are consistently enforced, then, it will make your life more manageable. And all the family's life too. It's counter intuitive, but you lower the occasions for broken rules, so for a starter into the vicious circle. Then post it somewhere visible for both of you. Each time a rue is broken, you make her read the line, and apply the consequence for it. No comment, no condescending reply.... Matter of fact. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child relapsed . . . got kicked out of halfway house.
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