difficult child removed from program cannot ever go back.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Aug 13, 2007.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child called. He had started the freedom program at the prison for the 4th time just a couple of weeks ago. He thought he was doing well, and doing what they asked of him but they removed him from the program three days ago. He asked to see his counselor because he thought they were making a mistake. He was given a session and was told that he was not removed from the program due to any bad behavior on his part but rather because they felt he wasn't "serious" enough about it and they wanted the bed for someone who would put more into it.

    So now difficult child will just have to wait until his PO decides that she has extracted her pound of flesh and paroles him or he maxes out on his sentence which will be in Feburary provided he keeps out of trouble.

    I'm Ok, I guess. I'm just so sad for difficult child who is now extremely depressed. I know he is probably not mentally equiped to do what they are asking of him anyway. So the program probably was not a truly viable way out of prison for him . Even so, I retained a small hope that he could rally well enough to get a passing grade. So now that is no longer an option and I truly believe he has paid his price and should be free. Everyone else involved in the burgulery is out for months now. The longest anyone else served was 4 months. My son has been in for a year and three months total. Add in the time spent in a reform program for another two and a half months and his total time served is almost a year and a half. This for being duped into being a lookout. He didn't even profit from the crime. He was easily suckered into the criminal behavior due to his low intelligence and lack of discretion.

    I had to go through all the old arguements in my brain again and didn't come to any new conclusions. Even if I could get someone to take up difficult child's case pro bono and he gets out what do I do with him then? He needs to be supervised constantly and he needs medical and mental health services. I cannot provide any of those needs. Consequently I find I cannot even be encouraging toward him anymore without sounding false. I tell him I love him but I do not think that is enough to keep him going. He is so depressed. SIGH! -RM
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry, RM. Why did the others get out so much more quickly? What was the difference in the charges or the representation?

    Is there a program your son can go into when he gets out? Have you contacted MHMR to see if there is an Independent Living Program or an adult Assisted Living Program available? There were adult supports available for Rob when he was done with his Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/group home but he turned them down. I would think that with your son's multiple and complex challenges (and perhaps being adopted might help his case, too) that he would be eligible for something, too.

    He definitely needs something to look forward to. sigh.

  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Sorry for you and difficult child, rejected mom. I know what you mean when you sort of know that the program is a bit of a stretch but you hold out hope that it will click.
    Hope p.o. finds a way to help him.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM...I am so sad for your son. It simply isnt fair what has happened to him. I know that doesnt sound right but it would make far better sense to have sent him to some form of treatment facility than to a jail. He wasnt the one who committed the crime and he is obviously ill. Why lock him up? Why not attempt to rehabilitate him so he may one day be able to contribute to society? Ugh.

    I hope he is able to somehow hang in there until he can get out and then manage to get some kind of help.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Suz. If you remember my son was ordered to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program and left the premise to go to walmart. He was only gone 20 minutes but they expelled him. PO decided to hit him with a parole violation. Meanwhile the 17 year old kid who orcastrated this and later went on to threaten someone with a gun is out walking the streets while my difficult child just rots away in jail.

    I do have him on a waiting list for a group home he was number five when I last checked but his caseworker hasn't subbmitted all the paperwork and difficult child keeps getting bumped lower on the list. I have made many phone calls and he will get community based services through MHMR but it won't be enough to keep him out of trouble. He really needs to be in a compassionate community where there is constant supervision and many supports. Without them I fear he will just end up right back in prison within months of getting out.

    I did find a place that would be excellent for him but he needs to be diagnosis's autistic which was never done because it wasn't concidered a spectrum disorder years ago when difficult child was labled. Now, after he is in jail and I cannot get him out for testing, his ex-therapist agrees that he is probably Asperger's. Unfortunately ithout the medical diagnosis on record I cannot get him out on mental health issues and into an appropriate program even if I had the 157K/year to spend. It is so very unfair for difficult child and so futile when there are no viable alternatives to the revolving door to prison available. I have died a thousand deaths over this. I do not have the energy to fight the powers that be when there is nothing within my reach that will work for difficult child. -RM
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Fran thank you for your compassionate reply. I think of you often and wonder if I could find something similar your son's arrangement for my difficult child. It is harder for me though since I am trying to do it after my difficult child has reached the age of majority and he isn't diagnosed properly. I have so much anger toward all the many professionals who dismissed my thoughts on autism back when it would have made a real difference if they had listened. They were all so eager to put it on attachment issues and ADHD. I know water under the bridge but it still makes me want to scream when I think about it which I do as little as possible.

    Janet I agree that it would have been better if the PO had followed through and tried to find another program other than a jail based one for difficult child. She mused about it when difficult child first was kicked out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) last august. But then she went right back to her abusive self when I tried to follow up with her. She is definately a difficult person to deal with and not very good at her job. I keep praying that she will quit LOL. -RM
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    What an injustice. I wonder how the victims of the burglary would feel to know that the real perpetrators are out free and your son is still in prison. Makes my blood boil and my heart heavy.

    (((hugs))) I'll be keeping you and your difficult child in my thoughts.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Heather, I doubt the victims would care. I wouldn't expect them to either, Not that it would matter at this point anyway. The trial is long past. Everyone has moved on.. everyone but my son. -RM
  9. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    I don't know how the system works so I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to tell you how sick I am for you and your son. This is my worst fear for my own son.

    Doesn't the MR label have any weight in the judicial system in terms of accountability and punishment?
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    If they can decern right from wrong they are treated as anyone else within the judicial system. Indivitual judges may be compassionate and try to rehabilitate them but many just write them off. Once in prison they cannot cope and often act out adding to their time and/or they become victims of more savy inmates.

    If they are in the borderlin range as is my son it is even harder because many within the prison system do not belive that they are disabled even when presented with medical evidence. I have had the prison psycologist tell me that my son's suicide gesture was merely a manipulation to get moved to another area of the jail. This when he KNOWS that my son had been hospitalized for suicidal tendencies twice while waiting for his trial. There are many articles dealing with this subject on the internet. Just do a search on mental ilness, mental retardation and the criminal justice system. We need energetic and savy people in politics and the judicial system to advocate for the decriminalization of mental health and mental retardation. Leaving the fight to us the weary parents and family of thes inmates insures that these issues will not be properly addressed. We are in the trenches so to speak dealing with the everyday effects of a system that does not work. We are exhausted and weary and of ten tramatized and victimized ourselves. I have endured my son's PO screaming at me, lying to me and flip floping on issues. She is in a job she is ill suited for and floundering. I never know what to expect. One day she will be all sweet and kind another she is a screaming shrew. She is overworked, the MHME caseworker is over worked the group homes and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and medical facilities are filled and inmates wait months for the services they need. It Stinks! It is a broken system. -RM
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM...you are so right. It does stink.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Believe me, many of us know from sad experience that "the system"
    is rarely aimed at therapeutic purposes or rehabilitation...it is
    simply a big beaurocratic mess that deals with numbers. It is
    terribly sad. I'm sorry for your pain RM. Hugs. DDD
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    RM, sending hugs, prayers, and strength your way. I am so sorry for your mommy heart.
  14. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    DDD, I'm sorry we have this in common.

    BBK, Thanks for the hugs and the prayers they are greatly appreciated. -RM
  15. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I don't get the justice system sometimes.....thinking of you and your family and hoping some good comes out of this.....

  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what it's like to get your hopes up that they finally are getting what they need and then to be let down like that. Hopefully when he gets out he can get into something else that will help him.

    Hang in there and remember he will only get the help that he truly wants and you cannot do that for him.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Whymemom, Makes you wonder doesn't it?

    Karen, You are right you can only lead them they have to do the work. I just don't think he is capapble anymore. -RM
  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am sorry and I truly understand and know I will be dealing with this all again when ant goes back one day to jail.

    two thoughts:
    ACLU (american civil liberty union) they help inmates
    check their website for help

    call your state rep or congressman's office and see if they can help. they helped get ant out of Warren CO when he was stuck there in his revolving door system for two yrs.

  19. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thanks Janet, I'll check it out.
  20. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I'm so sorry, RM.