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difficult child repeated beligerent name calling to parents
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 380429" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>It is verbal abuse and is so frustrating that we have to take it from our kids. I vote for #2 but rather then saying, "You're not going to ...", say "we don't ...". It is a little less personal, and you probably will need to repeat it several time. To avoid #3 (which is very hard to do when they keep at it) I must use my "Hal" voice. From the movie 2010, when the computer was taking over the ship and said, "I'm sorry Dave I'm afraid I can't do that." I use the Hal voice because I am so angry that I can not talk calmly with my own voice and I don't want to raise it. I have even said, "I'm sorry difficult child I'm afraid I can't do that." Someday he will see the movie and make the connection, but hopefully not until he is out on his own.</p><p></p><p>Start reducing what he gets, no trips, money, nice clothing (or rather clothing he wants), until you get some respect.</p><p></p><p>Walk away when needed. With the Hal voice tell him you will be back when he can treat you with respect. I once left difficult child a lone in the house and went to a mid night movie, just because I was going to explode.</p><p></p><p>Don't sign any school forms, provide supplies or perform any function that he needs until you get the respect.</p><p></p><p>If he should ever threaten you or get violent do not hesitate to call 911. You do not have to take it!</p><p></p><p>He enjoys it because he controls it. The less you respond the less power he will have. Take that power away.</p><p></p><p>It is OK to cry on the deck, but not if he can see you. laugh, leave and then cry.</p><p></p><p>For our difficult child it helped when husband and I went to the counselor without him (he would not go). She was able to teach us different skills which helped us manage him better. Which reminds me, read The explosive child. It helps some.</p><p></p><p>Post here when you need to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 380429, member: 6557"] It is verbal abuse and is so frustrating that we have to take it from our kids. I vote for #2 but rather then saying, "You're not going to ...", say "we don't ...". It is a little less personal, and you probably will need to repeat it several time. To avoid #3 (which is very hard to do when they keep at it) I must use my "Hal" voice. From the movie 2010, when the computer was taking over the ship and said, "I'm sorry Dave I'm afraid I can't do that." I use the Hal voice because I am so angry that I can not talk calmly with my own voice and I don't want to raise it. I have even said, "I'm sorry difficult child I'm afraid I can't do that." Someday he will see the movie and make the connection, but hopefully not until he is out on his own. Start reducing what he gets, no trips, money, nice clothing (or rather clothing he wants), until you get some respect. Walk away when needed. With the Hal voice tell him you will be back when he can treat you with respect. I once left difficult child a lone in the house and went to a mid night movie, just because I was going to explode. Don't sign any school forms, provide supplies or perform any function that he needs until you get the respect. If he should ever threaten you or get violent do not hesitate to call 911. You do not have to take it! He enjoys it because he controls it. The less you respond the less power he will have. Take that power away. It is OK to cry on the deck, but not if he can see you. laugh, leave and then cry. For our difficult child it helped when husband and I went to the counselor without him (he would not go). She was able to teach us different skills which helped us manage him better. Which reminds me, read The explosive child. It helps some. Post here when you need to. [/QUOTE]
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