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General Parenting
difficult child repeated beligerent name calling to parents
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<blockquote data-quote="graceupongrace" data-source="post: 380657" data-attributes="member: 7371"><p>Carolyn,</p><p></p><p>So sorry you're going through this. I've been there done that, and it's not pretty. It really is a form of abuse. Most people can't imagine parents as victims of abuse, but you'll find an understanding group here.</p><p></p><p>The others have given lots of good advice. I just want to add that as a result of their brain chemistry disorders, many of our difficult children are way below their age level in terms of emotional maturity. It's as if you're dealing with a 6'2" nine-year-old. My difficult child is three years older than easy child, but less mature in many ways.</p><p></p><p>I tell difficult child that I will listen to his concerns as long as he behaves respectfully. When he stops being respectful, he loses the right to be heard. It's really important not to engage with him when he's bullying. Easier said than done, but you've got to stay out of the trenches. It's also better to focus on your reactions. "You're not going to talk to me like that" is perceived as an attempt to control him; "I'm not going to listen when you talk to me like that" invites him to exercise <em>self</em>-control.</p><p></p><p>Can you tell us more about his background and diagnosis (diagnosis) if you have one?</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="graceupongrace, post: 380657, member: 7371"] Carolyn, So sorry you're going through this. I've been there done that, and it's not pretty. It really is a form of abuse. Most people can't imagine parents as victims of abuse, but you'll find an understanding group here. The others have given lots of good advice. I just want to add that as a result of their brain chemistry disorders, many of our difficult children are way below their age level in terms of emotional maturity. It's as if you're dealing with a 6'2" nine-year-old. My difficult child is three years older than easy child, but less mature in many ways. I tell difficult child that I will listen to his concerns as long as he behaves respectfully. When he stops being respectful, he loses the right to be heard. It's really important not to engage with him when he's bullying. Easier said than done, but you've got to stay out of the trenches. It's also better to focus on your reactions. "You're not going to talk to me like that" is perceived as an attempt to control him; "I'm not going to listen when you talk to me like that" invites him to exercise [I]self[/I]-control. Can you tell us more about his background and diagnosis (diagnosis) if you have one? Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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