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difficult child says I ruined Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 567849" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>My S/O is newly out of work again. New Year;s Eve was to be our wedding, also our 8 year anniversary. It is cancelled. easy child's dad walked out of her life, so no gifts from him or his side of the family this year. None of our family is coming for what is our annual Christmas dinner we usually host, so this year we are all alone the three of us (easy child, S/O and myself). She has one gift from S/O and I. Plus we will give her new pj's on Christmas eve as is tradition. That's it. And she has nobody to gift to her on my side, nobody has finances or the contact. I know she is disappointed probably on some level, but she has flung herself into the spirit I am forcing myself to display. Festive family things like baking and decorating cookies, doing our gingerbread houses, Christmas movies on television, etc. We don't have a choice, we can't locate a magic money tree either. Our big expenditure/treat was the cost of postage to participate in the card exchange on the board here, which we all enjoy. I know your difficult child is disappointed, and that seems reasonable for a teen. Being hateful however? Not cool and I hope you make it plain to her that it is ungrateful and selfish and narcissistic, that she is old enough to realize this season is not all about gifts, and you aren't choosing this, you have no choice and work hard and do your utter best every day to provide. I think its a great idea to drag her butt to a shelter or something to volunteer serving a free meal. Let her see what its like to REALLY do without. Teens can be this way, even non difficult children. Your daughter isn't some freak. She's human. But dearly in need of a wake up call about appreciate what you have, and understand when expectations don't come to pass. </p><p></p><p>As for your mom heart, I know how tough that is even with a understanding kid. I haven't even picked up easy child's one gift. I have never in 20 years not shopped and wrapped and planned and had stashes all over the house to hide. It feels odd. And terrible. And part of me feels like a huge screw up that I cannot do what I want, and what I wish I could provide this holiday for easy child in terms of gifts. To counter my sad spirit, I'm forcing game nights, and family oriented time spending activities. I'm chalking this frugal holiday up to a life lesson on priorities for all of us who can benefit from that ongoing lesson in our own individual ways. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad your son is at least being understanding. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 567849, member: 4264"] My S/O is newly out of work again. New Year;s Eve was to be our wedding, also our 8 year anniversary. It is cancelled. easy child's dad walked out of her life, so no gifts from him or his side of the family this year. None of our family is coming for what is our annual Christmas dinner we usually host, so this year we are all alone the three of us (easy child, S/O and myself). She has one gift from S/O and I. Plus we will give her new pj's on Christmas eve as is tradition. That's it. And she has nobody to gift to her on my side, nobody has finances or the contact. I know she is disappointed probably on some level, but she has flung herself into the spirit I am forcing myself to display. Festive family things like baking and decorating cookies, doing our gingerbread houses, Christmas movies on television, etc. We don't have a choice, we can't locate a magic money tree either. Our big expenditure/treat was the cost of postage to participate in the card exchange on the board here, which we all enjoy. I know your difficult child is disappointed, and that seems reasonable for a teen. Being hateful however? Not cool and I hope you make it plain to her that it is ungrateful and selfish and narcissistic, that she is old enough to realize this season is not all about gifts, and you aren't choosing this, you have no choice and work hard and do your utter best every day to provide. I think its a great idea to drag her butt to a shelter or something to volunteer serving a free meal. Let her see what its like to REALLY do without. Teens can be this way, even non difficult children. Your daughter isn't some freak. She's human. But dearly in need of a wake up call about appreciate what you have, and understand when expectations don't come to pass. As for your mom heart, I know how tough that is even with a understanding kid. I haven't even picked up easy child's one gift. I have never in 20 years not shopped and wrapped and planned and had stashes all over the house to hide. It feels odd. And terrible. And part of me feels like a huge screw up that I cannot do what I want, and what I wish I could provide this holiday for easy child in terms of gifts. To counter my sad spirit, I'm forcing game nights, and family oriented time spending activities. I'm chalking this frugal holiday up to a life lesson on priorities for all of us who can benefit from that ongoing lesson in our own individual ways. I'm glad your son is at least being understanding. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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