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difficult child says I ruined Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 568011" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>cb, </p><p></p><p>I teeter with this post........because on one hand.....while it would be SO easy to tear into your daughter who we all think should be XYZ way with a struggling Mom, and times the way they are, and picture her as this horrid child? My other hand (while free) would probably in my case reach out and grab her by the hand and say......"You know what C (I'm calling her C for child) you're right. Times haven't always been the way I've wanted them to be, and I wish things had been different this year, and I wish you could see that while you're Mom is trying ; she's struggling. Come on....with me. Auntie Star wants you to ride with her for a minute. And .......I swear I did this with Dude....because while I had a Mom ......she did not send lavishly - she couldn't on a widows ssi. I had no other grands to help me, I had just myself and for one glorious year....DF and his plumbers paycheck - and then in and instant it was gone, and now he's 110% disabled. So my son......who was the child of a Crack head, and a struggling Mom.....got hand me down EVERYTHING. While he never really complained the rest of the year? On Christmas? It tore me up, more than any other time of the year because I FELT MY shortcomings -----MORE and allowed him to tear at me, and eat away at my conscious.....because in my heart? I wanted so much more for him than what he had. Then one day I walked through the hospital....and I realized OH MY GOD. What HE DOES HAVE. </p><p></p><p>What I saw...as I walked down the halls were children who were looking at maybe NOT making it to Christmas, or dying shortly, or in horrible pain. One hall was the burn unit, and the other was the cancer ward. I spent a year in a burn unit as a child.....and I can tell you about some pain. But nothing prepared me for the attitudes of these children. NONE OF THEM......NOT ONE SINGLE ONE......acted, or behaved, or ranted or was yelling or screaming ----"IM ENTITLED TO LIFE." .......They weren't sitting there complaining about Christmas presents or a tree, or how LITTLE their Mother could do, they were just so happy whenever ANYONE came to visit them and read a book for 15 minutes......or do a stupid puppet show, with a tattered donkey that told them to be courageous....while the donkey cried inside for being and feeling SO selfish.,,,,because see while I wanted all that I could give my child? What I couldn't do for those parents????? Was give them anything. Yet there were THEIR kids......so pleasant, and lovely - hurting and not complaining. </p><p></p><p>SO I took Dude with me......and we visited, and looked and he saw......and it was like something out of A Christmas Carol. Dude didn't want to think about Past, present or future......christmases for those kids. He left not wanting to think about what he'd been such an entitled jerk about....and in all honesty? In my opinon he had a RIGHT to act out......when he really didn't. What that visit did for him was show him what he DID have to be thankful for. He had his health.....and his Mom....his freedom....and he named so many more things.....and the next CHristmas he asked if he could give his gifts to other kids.......so I know it made a difference. </p><p></p><p>He does get SAD, and is possibly BiPolar (BP)....and has a LOT of faults......maybe so with your C........but if I had here here with me? I think I'd show here the other side of ENTITLED .......and let her know just how lucky and blessed she is. SOmetimes it takes someone to remind both the Mom and the child......how lucky you really are. You don't have to look far. </p><p></p><p>Perspective is everything......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 568011, member: 4964"] cb, I teeter with this post........because on one hand.....while it would be SO easy to tear into your daughter who we all think should be XYZ way with a struggling Mom, and times the way they are, and picture her as this horrid child? My other hand (while free) would probably in my case reach out and grab her by the hand and say......"You know what C (I'm calling her C for child) you're right. Times haven't always been the way I've wanted them to be, and I wish things had been different this year, and I wish you could see that while you're Mom is trying ; she's struggling. Come on....with me. Auntie Star wants you to ride with her for a minute. And .......I swear I did this with Dude....because while I had a Mom ......she did not send lavishly - she couldn't on a widows ssi. I had no other grands to help me, I had just myself and for one glorious year....DF and his plumbers paycheck - and then in and instant it was gone, and now he's 110% disabled. So my son......who was the child of a Crack head, and a struggling Mom.....got hand me down EVERYTHING. While he never really complained the rest of the year? On Christmas? It tore me up, more than any other time of the year because I FELT MY shortcomings -----MORE and allowed him to tear at me, and eat away at my conscious.....because in my heart? I wanted so much more for him than what he had. Then one day I walked through the hospital....and I realized OH MY GOD. What HE DOES HAVE. What I saw...as I walked down the halls were children who were looking at maybe NOT making it to Christmas, or dying shortly, or in horrible pain. One hall was the burn unit, and the other was the cancer ward. I spent a year in a burn unit as a child.....and I can tell you about some pain. But nothing prepared me for the attitudes of these children. NONE OF THEM......NOT ONE SINGLE ONE......acted, or behaved, or ranted or was yelling or screaming ----"IM ENTITLED TO LIFE." .......They weren't sitting there complaining about Christmas presents or a tree, or how LITTLE their Mother could do, they were just so happy whenever ANYONE came to visit them and read a book for 15 minutes......or do a stupid puppet show, with a tattered donkey that told them to be courageous....while the donkey cried inside for being and feeling SO selfish.,,,,because see while I wanted all that I could give my child? What I couldn't do for those parents????? Was give them anything. Yet there were THEIR kids......so pleasant, and lovely - hurting and not complaining. SO I took Dude with me......and we visited, and looked and he saw......and it was like something out of A Christmas Carol. Dude didn't want to think about Past, present or future......christmases for those kids. He left not wanting to think about what he'd been such an entitled jerk about....and in all honesty? In my opinon he had a RIGHT to act out......when he really didn't. What that visit did for him was show him what he DID have to be thankful for. He had his health.....and his Mom....his freedom....and he named so many more things.....and the next CHristmas he asked if he could give his gifts to other kids.......so I know it made a difference. He does get SAD, and is possibly BiPolar (BP)....and has a LOT of faults......maybe so with your C........but if I had here here with me? I think I'd show here the other side of ENTITLED .......and let her know just how lucky and blessed she is. SOmetimes it takes someone to remind both the Mom and the child......how lucky you really are. You don't have to look far. Perspective is everything...... [/QUOTE]
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