scent of cedar
New Member
We are safely home. When difficult child called (which she does, periodically), I offered to have husband pick her up and bring her home. While admitting that she had been hoping for that very thing, difficult child said, "not yet".
WTF?
It is still all about the man she left treatment for, spent all her money on/with, wrecked her van and lacerated her liver with, devastated her children over. She says he is dying. Yesterday, we received a Facebook from her that she is powerless to make him stop using....
Okay. This is a lie. We know she has been using, herself. Though she did sound clear THAT day on the phone, I know darn well she is using whatever she can get her hands on, because we have received calls from her from detox. (Part of the reason I write these posts is to see the truth I am missing. Denial is such a strong thing.) So, what I really saw in that phone call was difficult child's brilliant portrayal of the daughter of my heart. What I saw was difficult child's driver, coldly and determinedly portraying difficult child as a naive, tenderhearted young woman determined to save someone in trouble from himself.
But that is not who difficult child is. Not anymore.
difficult child is the person who has been evicted from the apartment we co-signed for (and got stuck with the bills for), and evicted and blacklisted from the two sleaziest, most squalid motel/hotel fleabag whatever in the city.
difficult child is the person who sought out others like herself, and who has been living, and sleeping with them, since.
Also, I've been reading through other posts, this morning.
It's horrifying to realize how similar our stories are, how selfish and self-serving and manipulative our difficult children are.
I had just posted something about Lon Chaney and those old werewolf movies. Comparing difficult child to the dying, but recovering-from-being-a-werewolf Lon Chaney. This morning, I am thinking that is very unhealthy imagery. I need to remember it's the driver I'm in interaction with. I need to get clearer on how brilliantly difficult child manipulates me; I need to remember how coldly she changes persona, how brilliantly she has used each and every (and any) one of us who loves her.
difficult child's driver is in control. And whether I name it bi-polar or addiction or Lon Chaney, I owe the driver NOTHING.
It is the driver who took, who destroyed, and who has possession of, my child.
The driver is chillingly manipulative. If I ever see my daughter again, it will be after detox, treatment, and aftercare.
And I may not see her, even then.
Very, very important to remember that.
Barbara
WTF?
It is still all about the man she left treatment for, spent all her money on/with, wrecked her van and lacerated her liver with, devastated her children over. She says he is dying. Yesterday, we received a Facebook from her that she is powerless to make him stop using....
Okay. This is a lie. We know she has been using, herself. Though she did sound clear THAT day on the phone, I know darn well she is using whatever she can get her hands on, because we have received calls from her from detox. (Part of the reason I write these posts is to see the truth I am missing. Denial is such a strong thing.) So, what I really saw in that phone call was difficult child's brilliant portrayal of the daughter of my heart. What I saw was difficult child's driver, coldly and determinedly portraying difficult child as a naive, tenderhearted young woman determined to save someone in trouble from himself.
But that is not who difficult child is. Not anymore.
difficult child is the person who has been evicted from the apartment we co-signed for (and got stuck with the bills for), and evicted and blacklisted from the two sleaziest, most squalid motel/hotel fleabag whatever in the city.
difficult child is the person who sought out others like herself, and who has been living, and sleeping with them, since.
Also, I've been reading through other posts, this morning.
It's horrifying to realize how similar our stories are, how selfish and self-serving and manipulative our difficult children are.
I had just posted something about Lon Chaney and those old werewolf movies. Comparing difficult child to the dying, but recovering-from-being-a-werewolf Lon Chaney. This morning, I am thinking that is very unhealthy imagery. I need to remember it's the driver I'm in interaction with. I need to get clearer on how brilliantly difficult child manipulates me; I need to remember how coldly she changes persona, how brilliantly she has used each and every (and any) one of us who loves her.
difficult child's driver is in control. And whether I name it bi-polar or addiction or Lon Chaney, I owe the driver NOTHING.
It is the driver who took, who destroyed, and who has possession of, my child.
The driver is chillingly manipulative. If I ever see my daughter again, it will be after detox, treatment, and aftercare.
And I may not see her, even then.
Very, very important to remember that.
Barbara