difficult child, school, and my big mistake.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Apr 24, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    And now it's too late. I should have thought it through a little more before deciding to have difficult child come to the school where I work. Twice this week she has already caused me problems. Monday she felt sick from her ulcers acting up so she went to the nurse's office. She threw up several times in the bathroom. The nurse told my daughter to come to me and call me into her office. When she came I came in there the nurse told me that difficult child had been in her office for an hour complaining of stomach pains. Normally they have a fifteen minute rule where the kid either goes home or goes back to class. Since difficult child has already missed so much school due to her illness, I wanted her to try and make it through the rest of the day. Usually after difficult child throws up she feels better. On a few ocassions she has been sent home ill by the nurse, only to have me come home and find her playing around on the computer and not feeling sick at all whatsoever. So I'm trying to avoid it from happening again. So the nurse and I both told difficult child to go back to class. difficult child cried, hugged me, begged me to let her go home. I told her firmly that she needed to make it to the rest of her classes. The nurse backed me up. difficult child continued to cry and refused to go. Finally the school psychiatric was called in and had a talk with her. I don't know how he did it, but he finally convinced difficult child to go to class. As I had suspected, she made it through the rest of the day just fine. But if I hadn't worked at the same school, the drama could have been avoided all together.

    Then there's the incident that happened today. Students here are not allowed in the office during lunch break. difficult child has attempted to come visit me in the past during her lunch and she has been told she cannot do it. So today I come back from my lunch break to find difficult child sitting outside eating her lunch by herself. I kindly suggested to her that she go to the cafeteria where she has a better opportunity to meet new friends. She declined and stated she wanted to sit with me till the bell rang. I reminded her of the school rules and went back to work. A few minutes later she comes into my office and sits down at the table across from my desk. I tell her to leave before both of us gets in trouble. Then my phone rings and I answer it. After the call I see difficult child still sitting there so I tell her to please leave now. She continued to argue with me. The bell was about to ring for the next class so I just gave up and let her sit there, figuring it was only a few minutes and would probably be okay. Then my supervisor comes in. She sees difficult child sitting there and she is not happy. She tells my daughter to leave. My daughter asked me if she could get permission from an administrator to stay with me, since once before an assistant principal said it was okay. I told her that she could not get permission from anybody. She then asked me who was in charge. My supervisor then started yelling at her and telling her that she was the one in charge, it's "her" office (it's not) and that she is telling her to leave and she needs to do it right now. difficult child finally left.

    After she was gone, my supervisor then gets mad at me and tells me she doesn't appreciate my daughter undermining her authority. I apologize and tell her that I backed her up and told her to leave. It's not like I sat around and let my daughter stay when she was told to leave. Supervisor was not happy with my explanation. I apologized again, only to get the silent treatment. This is the same coworker who has previously yelled at me in front of students, given me the silent treatment for weeks at a time, and deleted and blocked me from facebook when she found out my cat was given up for adoption then euthanized. This woman can make my work life a living hell if she wants to. And trust me, she will. So difficult child got me in trouble and now I am the one who has to suffer the consequences. Each time my supervisor gets mad at me and treats me bad I get severe anxiety attacks. I don't deserve to have a hostile work environment. But that's what I am going to have to put up with for who knows how long. I really think I made a mistake having my daughter come to school here. Now that we've moved there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try and make the best of it and hope it gets better. But for now, having difficult child here is something I regret.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You're daughter is just a child who is sick and you are her mother. Sounds like your supervisor has issues of her own and isn't very nice. My daughter works with somebody who is over her a little bit and is mean to her and she tries to avoid her, but she can't always do that.

    I'm sorry you are having problems with her. Trust me, there is one at every job. And it's not you.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    While you do need to sit down with your daughter and have a frank discussion about what she is not allowed to do when you are working (and have this discussion at home after everyone is fed and reasonably happy), I agree that your supervisor has some serious issues of her own. You're simply not going to win that battle unless her boss sees her acting out of line repeatedly, and that's not likely to happen. All you can do is minimize what happens to you, and that means making sure your difficult child follows the school rules like any other kid, and has consequences both at school and at home for breaking those rules.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with both posters. I think your supervisor may have some control issues, but I believe your daughter needs to be told that she will jeopardize your job if she continues to break the rules - and she needs consequences every time she does so.

    But, I also believe, and I say this with kindness, you need to grow a backbone. Stop second guessing the choices you have angst over. Own them and their consequences, just like we try to teach our children to do. You made this move after much sole-searching. Now it's time to be proactive not reactive.

  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Is there some place that you and your daughter can meet during the lunch hour that would be acceptable? I know our HS has a outdoor area that kids congregate during or after lunch. Maybe if you make plans to meet somewhere else that will calm her down and keep her out of the office area.

    You probably just have a few weeks of school left so maybe that would be a temporary fix for now. Then maybe this fall, when school starts up again, she might be more comfortable at this school. KSM
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I talked to my therapist about it yesterday and he thinks she needs to be on her own at lunch time and be forced to try and make friends. He doesn't think it's healthy for us to have lunch together every day. Plus our lunch times are usually different. We only have about ten minutes overlapping time where we are both at lunch at the same time. When she came into my office yesterday the bell was about to ring in about ten minutes or so, so I didn't think her being there the last few minutes would have been a big deal. In my opinion I think my supervisor was being overly picky. And I got offended when she waived around her title and said it was "her office." I may only be an assistant, but I do most of the work around here and I consider it to be our office and not just hers. But then again I do all the work around the place, get paid way less, and never get any credit. She just got employee of the month awhile ago and I don't think she deserves it at all. I have been here seven years and I have never gotten it once, even though I more than deserve it. That's just the way it goes when your nothing but an assistant, I guess. Other than having to deal with her, I really like my job and I don't want anything to jeopardize it. So I had a talk with difficult child last night and told her I don't want her coming to me at all during lunch. Not even if an administrator says it's okay. She agreed, so hopefully the problem is solved for now. As for my coworker, she will get over it like she always does. And I am holding out hope that difficult child will make a friend and she will feel more comfortable here within time.
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well difficult child has managed to stay out of my office the rest of this week. And she hasn't been back to the nurse's office so she has been doing better. My coworker is back on friendly terms with me again, although she is still ignoring my daughter. Totally immature adult behavior but I'm used to it. Have been dealing with it for the last seven years so it's nothing new to me. difficult child's IEP is next Friday. I spoke with her case carrier who is also one of her teachers and he says she is doing well. I am just hoping difficult child will make at least one new friend that she can hang out with and feel more comfortable. It took her several months to make friends at her last school so I know it will take some time. All in all I am feeling better about her being here. I think now that we have laid out the ground rules she will do just fine.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Good news!
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Her ignoring difficult child could be a good thing! She sounds really weird.