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difficult child - school
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 259700" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I know the sadness over grades is in part because the loss of dreams for your child. That is totally understandable and something you have to work through.</p><p></p><p>But honestly, given all the anxiety and problems difficult child has had, I think these grades are FANTASTIC AND AWESOME!!!!! how well would we adults do given these lectures and assignments if we thought we were dying? I can guarantee that I wouldn't do that well. I would be focusing my energy on just surviving.</p><p></p><p>That your son could concentrate well enough to pull his grades up from Fs to these is downright incredible!!!</p><p></p><p>Go ahead and grieve the future you thought your difficult child was facing. You have to in order to be able to move on and help him.</p><p></p><p>But please, PLEASE realize what in incredible accomplishment these grades truly are.</p><p></p><p>I had a similar pattern at times when I was in high school and jr high. Mostly it happened because I was TOTALLY overwhelmed with other things in life, including my health problems. I knew my parents' expectations and didn't want to let them down, but it was SO HARD to get all that stuff done when everything in my body ached with pain at a level of 8 on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a trip to the ER. It was a time when people told me kids didn't have arthritis or other health issues so I should toss my medications, **** it up and go get some sunshine and it would all go away because it was all in my head anyway.</p><p></p><p>Your son has parents who believe he is having the health and mental illness problems but ahve kept that separate from their high expectations for school (his job at this time). That is VERY hard for a difficult child who seems to truly be experiencing incredible anxiety and has the dissociative symptoms you (and all of us here) are worrying about.</p><p></p><p>CELEBRATE these grades. Get his favorite cake or treat at the grocery and have a WOW! you did a great job celebration of his grades. Let him KNOW, flat out, that you think his grades are incredible when he is facing all the other challenges.</p><p></p><p>I AM sorry for teh loss of your dreams. I know it hurts badly. But your son is in crisis and NEEDS to know he did not disappoint you (even if on some level you are disappointed).</p><p></p><p>Just in my opinion, but I HAVE been through some of this. The little celebration might help heal some wounds.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 259700, member: 1233"] I know the sadness over grades is in part because the loss of dreams for your child. That is totally understandable and something you have to work through. But honestly, given all the anxiety and problems difficult child has had, I think these grades are FANTASTIC AND AWESOME!!!!! how well would we adults do given these lectures and assignments if we thought we were dying? I can guarantee that I wouldn't do that well. I would be focusing my energy on just surviving. That your son could concentrate well enough to pull his grades up from Fs to these is downright incredible!!! Go ahead and grieve the future you thought your difficult child was facing. You have to in order to be able to move on and help him. But please, PLEASE realize what in incredible accomplishment these grades truly are. I had a similar pattern at times when I was in high school and jr high. Mostly it happened because I was TOTALLY overwhelmed with other things in life, including my health problems. I knew my parents' expectations and didn't want to let them down, but it was SO HARD to get all that stuff done when everything in my body ached with pain at a level of 8 on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being a trip to the ER. It was a time when people told me kids didn't have arthritis or other health issues so I should toss my medications, **** it up and go get some sunshine and it would all go away because it was all in my head anyway. Your son has parents who believe he is having the health and mental illness problems but ahve kept that separate from their high expectations for school (his job at this time). That is VERY hard for a difficult child who seems to truly be experiencing incredible anxiety and has the dissociative symptoms you (and all of us here) are worrying about. CELEBRATE these grades. Get his favorite cake or treat at the grocery and have a WOW! you did a great job celebration of his grades. Let him KNOW, flat out, that you think his grades are incredible when he is facing all the other challenges. I AM sorry for teh loss of your dreams. I know it hurts badly. But your son is in crisis and NEEDS to know he did not disappoint you (even if on some level you are disappointed). Just in my opinion, but I HAVE been through some of this. The little celebration might help heal some wounds. [/QUOTE]
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