difficult child so sad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Dec 5, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I am so worried about difficult child. Both Monday and Tuesday he called, sent out of classes. (trouble with all three morning classes)
    Principal called me on speaker phone with difficult child and program director in the room. I asked her if she had a few minutes I could be there in five.
    When I got to school, they told me that difficult child wanted to confront his teachers to tell them how he feels, how unfair he is being treated.(very tough if you ask me). They set that up for the afternoon. After going over how he feels, I asked him to go to lunch. I told the two in the room how upset he feels. He did say infront of all that he would be HAPPY to be suspended, or referral, whatever as long as ALL others doing the same would recieve the same consequence. I relayed the story my neighbor said about how the boy at her school gets suspended no matter what. Principal didn't say anything. I said it just is not right that no matter how hard he tries, no matter how well, and how far he has come, he will always face a battle.
    I was told he gets along with everyone. There are no behavior issues, that it is just his age and trying to find his "nitch".

    I told the principal I am ready to keep him home in the mornings and just send him for afternoon.
    Both nights this week difficult child came home and just stared at the walls. Didn't eat, didn't talk, just stared with tears in his eyes. He has dark circles under both eyes. Worse on Monday, thought maybe he was crying but was told no he wasn't. He gets enought sleep. Principal pointed out his eye blinking. Very deliberate. Noticed more so when talking of school.
    Last night he said how the kids all say stuff to him about using the computer and such. He said if only they could be him for one day they would know. He said he had "nothing to look forward to". We felt so bad for him There is nothing I can do.

    This should be a good time of his life, and he is so very sad. His 13th birthday is in two weeks and I bet he will spend it alone.

    Principal did call after difficult child met with two of the three teachers. She said he did very good.(program director was with him) I was told one teacher said she was sorry he felt that way and she didn't realize it. She would try to be more aware.
    The other was more aggressive towards him.
    One more for him to confront today.
    My heart aches to see him so sad. He is so smart, wants so much to just fit in. I am so worried that he sees "nothing to look forward to". It just shouldn't be this hard.
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    He sounds depressed. Is he still on Concerta? It can exacerbate anxiety and cause flatness, apathy and depression. Furthermore, maybe Lamictal was helping more with his moods than you thought.

    Furthermore, I don't think the school is doing a very good job of handling your difficult child's issues. It doesn't seem as if his IEP is being followed. Am I right?
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't know about the medications, but I was also wondering if his IEP is being followed?


    This is why I made the decision to keep all school issues at school. I didn't punish on school infractions, I let the school handle that.

    Travis had such a hard awful school life that I felt he needed a safe haven at home, and if I was constantly disciplining and on his back over school issues that wasn't possible. It made a world of difference for Travis. He was a much happier kid, and much to my surprise his school issues didn't get worse, they actually improved a bit.

    Poor kid. :frown:

    Hugs
     
  4. medinstr

    medinstr New Member

    I agree we too struggle with schools you would think the teachers, guidance councelors or someone could be trained to know how to implement things in schools for our children. After much aggrivation I too left school problems at school and had a safe haven at home, his grades were not suffering and this changed our lives. hugs to you all
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    KJS,

    Do you know what he means by the phrase "I have nothing to look forward to?" Is he going to therapy once a week? I think he would really benefit from a good CBT therapist. It helped my son more than medications, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or nearly anything. He would argue and say he hated it, but once there - he usually got something off his chest.

    Also (afterthought) could you have his IEP write in a shadow? Sounds like he needs just a little encouragement during the day.
    The school district pays for those people.

    It breaks my heart to hear about one of our kids suffering. Sorry your son feels so lonely. Maybe you can do something totally off the wall for his birthday? When depression creeps its ugly self up on my - I get to this point, and usually talking it out helps me.

    Hugs
    Star
     
  6. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    OMG! My heart breaks for him just reading this. I'm so sorry he is struggling so much and I know how hard it is for you to watch. My difficult child, also, has had times in his life when it just seems like EVERYTHING is difficult. Some brought on by his own decisions, but also a lot just the way it was for him. I'm really hoping things are better for my difficult child when he comes home from the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) next week and starts at a new school. He asked for a new start so that's what we're giving him.

    I don't have any advice, seems you're doing all you can. Thank God he has you as his momma to support him. Keep following your intincts.
     
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Ah that poor kid.

    Good for him for wanting to stand up for himself. He is handling things remarkably well considering all that is going on. IT is not fair.

    Good for you for fighting for him. He needed to see that.

    Hugs to you, and give him hugs from Auntie Big Bad.
     
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    What a brave young man. My heart goes out to him. He sounds depressed, and I hope that he will find a way out of that sadness soon. It just breaks my heart.
     
  9. Kjs,

    I really feel for both you and difficult child. Real life situations cause reality based depression. It is an appropriate response at times. It sounds like difficult child is taking action to improve his situation and I think that he is doing it in a very mature way. I know that you are proud of that! Yet, I am not surprised that he is frustrated and feeling very, very down about the situation.

    Both of my sons have been in situations where they were not treated fairly at school. Teachers are individuals and some of them, to my amazement, just don't get the fact that they sometimes become biased against their students! Scapegoating can become a viscious cycle , it perpetuates itself. I personally have noticed that sometimes younger teachers who are in their first years of teaching can fall prey to this problem. More experienced teachers seem to know how to avoid it.

    I truly personally understand difficult child's desire for parity. It was a passion for me when I was younger. It took many hard knocks and years of perspective for me to finally "accept" the fact that there is precious little parity in life. I hope that he can take this passion and later transform it into some type of career for himself. I don't think that fighting for justice will ever go out of style.

    Gentle hugs for you both...
     
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    You have a very courageous son. To stand up to an adult is hard. To tell a teacher s/he is not being fair has got to be incredibly hard. You must be so proud of him.

    I think the one thing that hurt me the most was his comment about being able to use a computer and the other kids' comments. I bet he has only told you a little of what is being said to him. Kids at that age are so cruel and it certainly doesn't help when teachers single him out.

    I hated when my daughter was in middle school. She was so miserable and there was nothing I could do to make it better. Do tell him it will get better -- kids in high school can still be cruel but they seem to be more accepting.

    I hope you find something special for the two of you to do on his birthday. It would be nice if you could include at least one kid from his school (that he likes).

    I'm sorry he has to suffer through all of this.
     
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    The level of bravery in your son is just so amazing to me.

    My difficult child often felt isolated and unwanted and misunderstood at our local HS, which led to us removing her and placing her elsewhere. I even led seminars with the people from TSCT there to point out the many levels of Tourette's Syndrome and other brain disorder to the staff - not just for daughter but for all our kids.

    It is so disheartening to know that so many people who interact with our children on a daily basis haven't got a clue of what's going on with them, they can't even read the body language!! How do you miss that??

    OMG, I am practically weeping here thinking of just how low your boy is feeling. And it makes me also want to go "throw some bows" as my easy child would put it!

    Hugs to you and him. I hope he continues his strength to get through this. Have you thought of other alternative schools for him? Celebrate big for his b'day.
     
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kjs,
    I'm sorry difficult child is so sad. It makes me furious to think that teachers can make a child feel this way. I'm very proud of your son for telling his teachers how he feels. Not many 12 year olds could do that. Hugs.
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sad.
    It sounds like you and he are taking action.
    Does he have any outside activities he does? Sports or anything?
    What's the blinking from? I remember the exact moment my difficult child started blinking and I asked him what he was doing. Two mo's later he was diagnosis'd with-glaucoma. You just never know!
    {{hugs}}
     
  14. ML

    ML Guest

    Good for him for asserting himself! He is very brave young man. My heart breaks for him and for all our kids who just want to fit in. And as parents we have to keep that balance of teaching them to fit in with society and with valuing their individuality. It sure isn't easy. Hugs to you both xo Michele
     
  15. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Thank you for all your kind comments. Yes, we all told him how proud we were that he is trying to make things better. We told him how hard that must of been and he did a really good job.
    (easy child even told him this)

    His IEP has stated a use of the "cool off" pass. Prior to losing control he is to use this pass. Many times the teachers ask him to use it. He is to seek out one of several people to speak to. He is suppose to calm down, and return to class. However it has been pointed out that he never returns to class.

    Principal is one person he can seek out. She does work well with him.(no contact with Vice Principal...that was a disaster)
    She sent me an email today, said she checked on him and he seemed better today, still a bit down. Also commented on the facial tic's.

    Besides the above mentioned issues, he has had really dark circles under his eyes. Monday I thought maybe he had been crying. When I checked at school I was told no. Tuesday he looked better in the morning, but when I was at school (11:30), they were dark again.

    Talked to psychiatrist regarding facial tic's. Asked if the concerta could do that. He said it could, but would normally see it sooner. He has been on this for a few months.
    He did his homework with no asking. Still feeling down.
    As for counsoling. I have tried this for many years. He refuses to talk. Absolutely refuses. He is a very strong willed child and he hates going, and refuses to say a word no matter what is said.
    Glaucoma---would that also cause dark circles?

    They had an assembly today. Some of the "choice" high schools did a presentation to the eighth graders. That is another post.

    thanks for your kind thoughts. Keep praying.
     
  16. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Kjs, my son's mouth opening and eye blinking tics started after taking Concerta for 1.5 years. It can definitely happen. In addition, anxiety can cause tics. Perhaps the combination of both the stimulant and your son's anxiety is why you're seeing tics now.
     
  17. Kjs,

    My sons and I all have the "dark circle" problem. Just call me "Miss Panda" LOL...

    For us, it is the combination of very fair skin and bad allergies and sinus problems. Those ancestors from Northern Ireland didn't do us any favors!

    Seriously though, I always know that easy child in particular is having trouble with his asthma when those circles show up.
     
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