difficult child still talking about using weed, even when he is in jail. I want to smack him ...

[pinevalley]

I was hoping that difficult child would hit his rock bottom when he was sent to jail, but he still doesn't get it. I received several text messages last night from a friend of difficult child, who has known him for a long time. This girl is not one of his druggie friends, and she was upset about something that difficult child has written to her from jail. She texted me that difficult child is still saying that he wants to use weed when his is out of jail,and he insists that he can use just weed and nothing else. He doesn't see any problem with smoking weed because it is "all natural". This is the exact same thing that he did when he was discharged from rehab several months ago. He promised us that he would never use spice again, because it really scared him. difficult child kept his word and did not use spice, but within just a few days he was using weed and pills and it went downhill from there. I suggested to his friend that she should write back to difficult child, and tell him that she does not want to have anything to do with him when he is out of jail if he is going to continue to use weed. This will upset difficult child, because he really does not want to lose this friendship.

Our son has been saying all the right things to h and I when we talk to him from jail. He promises that he will never use drugs again, and he wants to turn his life around. If he is able to get on probation and get out of jail, he will be drug tested all the time. I can already see that he will fail a drug test and violate the terms of his probation and then he will be sent to prison. difficult child is supposed to be getting drug counseling every day in jail, but I think that he is still in denial about his problem. I have no idea what it will take for difficult child to understand that he can NEVER use any drugs again. I wish that I could talk to one of the drug counselors, but since difficult child is in jail it is not possible for us to have any contact with the counselors, and we have no part of his treatment. It seems like he just wants to have everything his way, he wants to get our of jail and he also wants to continue to use weed. This makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

[Nancy]

PV I am sorry. This is exactly what my difficult child said, that she can use weed and drink alcohol responsibly and weed was OK because it's legal in some places. Within a week of announcing that she was also smoking spice and doing mushrooms. Even though she said the mushrooms made her whole body paralyzed for a while she continues to do it. They think they can smoke pot and stop, they can't. Its a slippery slope. I am so angry at my difficult child right now I don't think I even want to see her again. She has had enough treatment and recovery to know what will happen. She chooses drugs over life.

Your difficult child will tell you everything he thinks you want to hear so you get off his back. That's what mine did and I lived for several months under the impression that things were different when in reality nothing changed. I'm glad you told this friend to tell him she didn't want to have anything to do with him. More friends need to do that when they know their friends are using. People need to be honest and upfront with the addict.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Oh PV-I am so sorry.

Do you know how much longer he will be in jail?

Will his friend send you a copy of the letter?

I am wondering if you can show the letter to his atty as leverage for court ordered rehab once he is out? I am guessing that without a legal mandate - he would resist more treatment.

I am just thinking aloud, but if it were my difficult child, I would plan for him to go straight from jail to inpatient rehab; preferably in another state. Or, at least a few hours away in an unfamiliar town. Just to get him away from bad influences and to try to give sober thinking a firm hold in his mind. I know if I ever have the opportunity to get difficult child to rehab, my choice will be a facility far removed from his peers.

(Just my $.02. And part of my fantasy for my own difficult child. I remember reading about an inpatient rehab facility that transitions to a sober house/group living( on site) and the residents take college classes nearby. Of course; it's probably a million dollars per day! )

 

[Tiredof33]

Pine, when I watch TV with hubby Mike and Molly are teachers and police officers. They both still live at home an the sister is a pot head, there was one show where the teacher was smoking pot. Many jokes on the program about smoking pot.

Two & Half men then same, the teens are shown smoking and drinking often. These shows send the message that is OK to drink and smoke pot. And the fact that both teens on the show are total loosers is sad. I know TV is suppossed to be entertaining but there is just too much drugs in the shows.

We have watched documentaries where many of the states allow small amounts for recreational use. I think this age group does not see it as a drug that completely zaps your motivation to do anything but sit in front of a TV. in my opinion too many people view it as harmless.

I hope you difficult child's easy child friend can get him to think about it. mine has lost his easy child friends.

(((blessings for us all)))

 

[Calamity Jane]

PV, I am sorry for what you're going through. difficult children can fool some of the people all of the time, but they can't fool all the people all the time. We're just too clued in on them to be fooled anymore.

Tired of 33 - I agree with you about pot use on TV shown as funny and destigmatized. Charlie Sheen was on the Today show this AM, and while he looks and acts better, he's just a 50yr. old difficult child at heart. He said in his opinion, he can drink occasionally and doesn't believe in the recovery hoopla that you can NEVER drink/drug again. He did caution his statement saying that might be wrong, "but that's just me." He is superficially charming, entertaining, amusing, but I bet he's a b^*#h to live with. He thinks AA is a cult. His Dad, Martin Sheen, and his brothers must be mortified because he is a living, breathing difficult child, but he's more rich and "successful" than any of them. I sometimes think the joke's on us.

Nancy - I was wondering while reading your recent comments and posts...you were giving your daughter all kinds of support recently with the apt. and all, but she must've been using at that time, and you found out thru emails, etc. Did you have any suspicions when you were with her recently that she looked high or anything? How did she keep it under wraps when you went shopping, etc.? I was just curious, because it's generally obvious to husband and I when our difficult child is using, and he tends to avoid us like the plague when he's high.

 

[DammitJanet]

Ok...I am going to tell you guys something. Sigh. Will you still accept me? I know I have probably alluded to it but probably have never come right out and said it but Cory smokes. He doesnt take any other medicine and its about the only thing that helps him keep his moods and adhd stable and helps with his pain. I actually wish we lived in a state that he could get a medical card. You guys know he was on intensive probation for 3 years. He never failed a drug test. Never. There are ways around it. In our case, Billy is a completely clean and he would leave urine for Cory every morning and Cory would put it in a condom taped to his testicles.

I know that isnt right but its what we had to do. Lithium was the only mood stabilizer that ever helped Cory at all and it had some very severe side effects. He still has awful hand shakes left over from it and he hasnt been on it since he was 17. He looks like he is extremely nervous when he is doing anything with his hands or like he has early parkinsons. His hands visibly shake. He couldnt continue with it and have it get worse.

I hope you guys dont hate me. I dont know if I consider him addicted..maybe. Probably. I know I consider Mandy addicted. She has absolutely no mental or physical reason to need pot and she just likes to smoke pot for the high. Cory just needs it for his issues and would gladly give it up if he could get adequate help elsewhere.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I live where it's technically possible to get medical permission to use MJ. Very hard to get that permission (seems doctors don't want patients suing them when side-effects of smoking show up...), but technically possible. The kinds of uses around here include extreme MS symptoms, pain control when nothing else seems to work, etc. Its a really tough call.

 

[pinevalley]

Janet: No one will hate you on this board, and I hope that you will continue to post. Your post is valuable to me, because I had no idea how anyone would pass a court ordered drug test. I'm not sure that I really wanted to know about the condom, etc, but it is much better to be informed about these things. It's too bad that you don't live in a state where medical mj is legal, because it really sounds like Cory has a medical need for it.

Sig: I'm not sure when difficult child will be able to be released from jail, but it will probably be 2 or 3 months from now. Our attorney wants to work out of deal with the prosecutor and ask for probation, but he wants difficult child to be involved in the rehab program in jail for several months before he can even request the deal. We were originally thinking that all this jail rehab would help difficult child, and then if he was on probation he would start IOP and then aftercare. There are a lot of demands that are part of the probation, such as counseling, NA meetings, and drug tests. I'm not even sure if difficult child would be allowed out of the state when he is on probation. I would like to send him to an inpatient program far away, but my h refuses to pay for anything else for difficult child. He is sick of dealing with the difficult child problems all the time, and then when we tried to help our son he just stole from us. difficult child has another court date next week, and I am going to talk to our attorney about our options for difficult child. I am sure that I want him to stay in the rehab in jail for a few more months, even if it is really not helping him much. At least he is safe there, and there is a chance that all this counseling will help him.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Ok...I am going to tell you guys something. Sigh. Will you still accept me? I know I have probably alluded to it but probably have never come right out and said it but Cory smokes. He doesnt take any other medicine and its about the only thing that helps him keep his moods and adhd stable and helps with his pain. I actually wish we lived in a state that he could get a medical card. You guys know he was on intensive probation for 3 years. He never failed a drug test. Never. There are ways around it. In our case, Billy is a completely clean and he would leave urine for Cory every morning and Cory would put it in a condom taped to his testicles.

I know that isnt right but its what we had to do. Lithium was the only mood stabilizer that ever helped Cory at all and it had some very severe side effects. He still has awful hand shakes left over from it and he hasnt been on it since he was 17. He looks like he is extremely nervous when he is doing anything with his hands or like he has early parkinsons. His hands visibly shake. He couldnt continue with it and have it get worse.

I hope you guys dont hate me. I dont know if I consider him addicted..maybe. Probably. I know I consider Mandy addicted. She has absolutely no mental or physical reason to need pot and she just likes to smoke pot for the high. Cory just needs it for his issues and would gladly give it up if he could get adequate help elsewhere.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. I see nothing wrong with it. It is made from God. It is not man made, nor is it harmful. Almost everyone I know smokes daily and lead very succesful, productive lives. More people imbibe than anyone knows and people keep it on the downlow. I see more problems from alcohol and cigarettes than pot.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I live where it's technically possible to get medical permission to use MJ. Very hard to get that permission (seems doctors don't want patients suing them when side-effects of smoking show up...), but technically possible. The kinds of uses around here include extreme MS symptoms, pain control when nothing else seems to work, etc. Its a really tough call.

What side effects?? I have never heard of any. They have even done a study recently showing it is no where near as cancerous or harmful as nicotene. Maybe someone robbing a store for twinkies?

 

[recoveringenabler]

Janet, thank you for your honesty. I don't believe anyone can judge you or your family without walking in your shoes first. I live in CA. where it is legal. I know a number of folks who use weed for migraine headaches, insomnia, cancer, etc. From my way of thinking, it is all about intention, if you are doing ANYTHING to excess where it impacts the quality of your life and your decisions, causes negative experiences, impacts others negatively and you cannot stop, then you are likely looking at addiction. If you are intending to ease a medical condition or de-stess, or use it as you would a glass of wine or two, then therein lies the distinction. I am in no position to judge anyone elses pain threshold or what they need to make life worth living, if your son found something that works for him, good for him.

Here is a bit of irony. My friend gets MMJ for a host of ailments, it's legal. She has such horrible migraines that she is locked in a dark room for days throwing up. And then she is weak from it for more days. She lost her job and therefore cannot afford health insurance. The pills prescribed for migraines cost $100 a pill!!! It's WAY cheaper and more effective to smoke pot!!!

 

[Nancy]

CJ I wondered the same thing. She honestly never looked high when we saw her. When she lived with us the only way I knew she smoked was by the smell or bloodshot eyes or because she was always tired. Because she has not been living here it's easier to cover it up. Had I suspected or known of course I would have withdrawn my support. She truly has become a master manipulator and con artist.

Nancy

 

[susiestar]

Addiction is a hard thing to overcome and I think most people go through a long time when they really don't want to get clean and sober. I am sorry, pv, that your son is lying to you and then talking to his friends about still using as soon as he gets out. The betrayal and lies must feel like a kick in the gut.


Janet, we don't hate you and couldn't if we tried. I knew Cory smoked from things you said in the past. I figured it was because it is the only thing that helps him. I don't think it is a good thing for most people, but Cory isn't most people. He has tried every psychiatric medication that is known and NONE of them did anything but make his life worse. MJ helps him wiht some VERY serious problems and it has let him live a life with less pain than no treatment of any kind, it has allowed him to NOT constantly think of killing himself to get away from the pain, and it has not kept him from being a good son and father, to the point that he is able. So I don't think it is a problem other than the law might think it is. If what was needed was for Billy to give him urine, then, well, that it okay until the laws catch up with the reality that our modern drugs just are not very good for a lot of psychiatric problems. It is what it is. Period. Sadly there are FEW docs who will admit they don't know everything and that the medications they can rx won't work for everyone, or that some people jsut cannot tolerate their medications. Heck, pot has probably kept Cory from seeking out heroin for the pain, and in my opinion that is a GOOD thing.


What Cory is doing is different than what Mandy or most difficult children are doing. in my opinion it is VERY different.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Janet,

Every situation is different. We need to make decisions for each based on the information. I was diagnosed with cancer several years ago. If the chemo had given me nausea like many do, I would have found a way to get medical marijuana even if I had to go out of state.

No judgment here....

 

[AmericanGirl]

PV,

I'm glad the friend alerted you although I know it is hard to hear.

They think they are Teflon at that age....they can do anything, mo limits...and we know they aren't.

Praying for you..

 

[toughlovin]

Janet - No judgement here.... lots of people smoke pot either recreationally or for medical reasons and don't have terrible results. I went to a talk recently and they said that 1 out of 6 people who smoke pot have a problem with getting addicted to it..... that means 5 out of 6 don't. I don't have a moral issue with pot smoking... I have an issue with it with my son because he clearly is one of those 1 out of 6 and it led him down a bad path and to other drugs (anything he could get his hands on).

PV - I so sympathize. I think our difficult children sometimes tell us what they think we want to hear... I will never do drugs again.... what I got from my sons new (old) therapist is those kinds of statemetns worry him because they are unrealistic for an addict.... so I think as parents we need to be wary when we hear those kinds of things.

If someone is really working AA then they will know it really truly is one day at a time. So addicts get sober by being sober one day, and then another day and then another day....in the beginning it really is about getting through a day being sober (sometimes the hour) and you get into trouble I think when you start thinking I can never drink or drug again. I know I am like that with food.... if I start feeling like I can never eat something again then that is all i want to eat...

So I would try to be open so that he can really be honest with you..... and hope like crazy that he figures it out over time.

TL

 

[Calamity Jane]

Janet,
Saints preserve us! The visual of the condom taped to the testicles will forever etch a hole in my brain - LOL! It must hurt like hell to pull the tape off every day, but that's all I'm going to say about that. But seriously, my brother was on lithium for his mental illness, and he had lasting tremors as well. When he drinks a cup of coffee, I get so nervous that he's going to scald himself because his hand shakes so much, so I know where you're coming from. I'm new here, and I don't know your backstory, so I would never judge you. I know you to be a kind, supportive member of this board who is always willing to share things honestly and helpfully. We all are trying to do the best we can one day at a time.

 

[pinevalley]

Jane: Yes, I won't forget the image of the condom taped to the testicles either! We learn all kinds of things on this board!

 

[KTMom91]

No judgment here either, Janet. Son #1 has an MMJ card for chronic pain. With it, he's able to work, and is doing very well. Without it...well, who knows.

 

[Kathy813]

Jane: Yes, I won't forget the image of the condom taped to the testicles either! We learn all kinds of things on this board!

I'm going to add that to the list of things I only know thanks to having a difficult child. I could have happily lived my entire life without that mental picture.

Jeez . . . what next?

~Kathy