difficult child SUSPENDED-update to day one at home

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child received a two and a half day suspension. husband came home with him today and I'll be home the next two days. He had been doing so good the past couple of weeks on the violence end of things.

    Today he was upset with the Special Education. teacher-I'm not exactly sure I understand why-it is the one he has a major personality conflict with. Apparently he hit her hands (don't know if it was a hit or punch-husband doesn't seem to have all the details) and kicked her wheelchair.

    I'm not saying I disagree with the suspension (although I think two and a half days might be a bit too much) but I'm not happy about having to take off two days of work.

    Tonight he had a good night til we got home. He tried to make me drop his medicine by punching my hand with his balls from his Heelies. I told him no ice cream which was enough tonight to send him into a fit of anger. He ended up punching me in the ear. He is in his room for the rest of the night.

    This is so frustrating since he was doing so well (again on the violence end of things) since we had increased his medications a couple of weeks back. He can't go up anymore on these as it is already making him somewhat sleepy.

    Grrrr :grrr:
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>Sheesh 2 1/2 days! Seems like a long time for what he did. I understand violence can't be tolerated but kicking a wheelchair doesn't sound worthy of such a long time off from school.
    I hope that difficult child gets it. My difficult child wouldn't really connect the consequence with his actions.
    Sorry for you and husband. </span>
  3. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....


    I'm sorry you are stuck at home with him for the next two days !! Two 1/2 days does seem a bit harsh...especially since the susupension is punishing you more than it is punishing him.

    If only we could teach these difficult child self-control!!

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    difficult child has been struggling on & off for the last several months. I wonder if a day treatment setting might not be a better placement for him.

    Academics & therapeutic interventions with life skills training. You can't ask for more, in my humble opinion.

    I'd really consider it - as difficult child gets older it will be harder to find this level of placement.

    Keeping you & yours in my prayers, daily.
  5. needabreak

    needabreak New Member

    I dont believe sending a child home for suspencion.I mean if they have to be suspended keep them in school,make them do work that they do not get credit for.that would be like if they were not there.but at least they would still be in school and you could still work cause in the long run it punishes the parents cause they can not work.if they dont work how are they suppose to make money.i hope everything works out.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, I'm really sorry. No real words of advice -- just want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending hugs your way.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Kicking the wheelchair is much the same as kicking her in the shins. It would be considered as such. A wheelchair is considered as an extension of the person. For example, to grab someone's wheelchair handles to try to wheel them somewhere is what some well-meaning people try to do, thinking they're helping, when in fact what you're doing (if you grab the handles without asking) is taking control away from that person. When I was at school I had a young friend (incidentally, also friends with husband, even though he & I had not yet met) who was in a wheelchair. He showed me how NOBODY would ever take control of his wheelchair. He asked me to try it - then twisted round and jabbed his thumbs into the pressure point on my hands. he taught me a lot about wheelchair etiquette - a good friend and a lot of fun (even if he left me with sore hands!).

    Whether the kick at the wheelchair deserves the suspension - I can't say. But it's interesting that she says he hit her hands, and then he hit you in a similar-sounding way. There's something going on there. Is he normally this edgy and aggressive?

  8. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I know from experience that suspension only encouraged difficult child's behavior. She learned she could go home with mommy when she felt like it by being violent.

    I know your frustration. :nonono:

    I would make his time at home very unpleasant.

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'd also make his mini vacation from school as not fun as possible. Mine got extra chores, plus having homework - extra if none was provided, and no tv, video games, playing with friends, ect.

    Mine hated suspension not because of the school, but because of me. lol

    It does seem a bit long. But I had to agree with Marg. Kicking the wheelchair is along the same lines as kicking the teacher in the shins.

  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    things were quiet for a while weren't they. It's when we are lulled.......

    I am one that disagrees with many of the posters in the fact that hitting her hands and kicking her wheelchair are serious - the chair could have been her legs. Basially it was a violent lashing out that could have been much worse.

    The bummer is that he was given OSS rather than ISS. Do they have an ISS room program?

    I actually believe Linda makes a good point. Perhaps a change in setting, where he could get the benefit of school and therapy, is worth looking into.

    Hugs to you Sharon. I know you would rather be in the classroom.

  11. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Hey Sharon,

    Big (((HUGS))) to you, my friend. I'm so sorry.

    I agree with LDM on the seriousness of the physical attack. I know, it was just the wheelchair, but still. I won't tolerate any physical violence or aggression from any of my children.

    Having said that, maybe he needs more heavy duty consequences for what he's done. What do you have planned for the next 2 days?

    When easy child was on OSS he did classwork here with SO from 8:45 AM, break for lunch, he was allowed outside 30 minutes, then back at it until 4 PM. He did that both days. No TV. No games. Classwork.

    Probably a little overload for difficult child, but hopefully you see my point.

    I know difficult child was doing well for a while and I feel so sorry for you. You have a hard road with him. However, his physical aggression/violence does not seem to be easing.

    A more restricted environment may be a good idea too.

    I'm sorry to hear the medications aren't doing what you want them to.

    Hugs, friend.

  12. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style="color: #333399">sharon, violence against the with-c is violence against the person. there is no difference.

    okay, i would make his next two days pretty miserable. scrubbing floors, toilets, etc. OSS should not be a fun time if you know what i mean ~~~ & of course you do.

    i think linda's suggestion of moving him to day treatment might be a good one. they can give more concentration to his behaviors than the public school setting can or will.

    hang in.

    kris </span>
  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ant had the school record for the most suspensions and detentions. it never helped ant. I do not beleive in it. I think you may need to find your son other placement for schooling. they do learn if they want out of school all they have to do is act out.

    I like the idea of day school. your pscyh grp should be able to set you up with this, it is called partial hospitalization.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for all of your replies.

    Fran-I agree that 2 1/2 days seems like a long time-especially in our district where they really try to keep suspensions to a minimum. I'm not sure my difficult child will make any real connection-when he is angry he isn't thinking "I might get suspended".

    Janine-Wouldn't we be rich if we could teach them self-control?

    Linda, Sharon, Janna, Janet & Kris-Our district really doesn't offer any type of theraputic school. There is one program that has the kids in school 1/2 day and working at a different site on behavior issues the other half day-it may be something we need to look at.

    Needabreak-They do have an in-school suspension but he had been warned about out of school suspension would be the next thing to happen. I agree it punishes the parent more than the child-I'm not sure how much difficult child got out of being home even though I made him do work the equivelant of the school day.

    Smallworld-Thanks for the hugs.

    Marguerite-I agree it was wrong to kick the wheel chair-I'm just not sure he deserves such a long suspension. He can be quite edgy and agressive but this particular person and difficult child have a major personality conflict.

    The frustrating part is I think so much of this is tied to the one person he is working with. I know it doesn't excuse it but the BIP isn't followed consistently and when I asked difficult child this morning about what happened he said, the teacher knows I hate when she touches me but she touched me anyways. I need to find another copy of his BIP because I believe it says in there when he is agitated not to touch him. Believe me I'm not excusing him or making light of it-other people that are at the school think there is no way she should be working with difficult child yet it continues...

    I had difficult child working hard all day. He kept saying well at school I get free choice-my reply-yep and if you weren't suspended you would be at school getting your free time. Him-at school I get blah, blah, blah, my reply-yep and if you weren't suspended you would be at school getting your blah blah blah.

    He had to to help clean and do writing, math, social studies, and reading. He didn't get a choice in what he wanted for lunch. I'm exhausted and will get to do it all over again tomorrow.

    I tried to make it unpleasant and he did get very frustrated at points and yet at one point he told me he enjoyed the day-there was no tv, no games, nothing. That's one reason for difficult child suspension isn't necessarily a great thing-he adapts fairly well to situations.

    Again thanks for all of your replies-I appreciate them all.