Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child switching physical aggression target from easy child to me?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 190884" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's quite possible that at least some of his anger now towards you is because you 'blew the whistle' on his inappropriate touching back in June. By doing so, you've started a cascade of intervention that must be really confronting for him. You did the rightr thing - but he is angry. So be it.</p><p></p><p>Your husband yelling at him in his room - that is going to be counterproductive. You don't punish a kid's aggression by showing more aggression. Instead, you need to model appropriate behaviour. Yes, it's appropriate to be angry with him but he needs to learn from you and husband that there are better ways to express anger. Seriously - if husband had spent the same amount of time with him, maybe getting him to write a letter of apology to you - it would have got the message through even better, it would have been a far worse punishment (from difficult child's point of view) and you wouldn't need to add grounding to the list of things to do, if you didn't want to. I mention that because sometimes grounding a kid can give a parent some breathing space; and sometimes it can make the job more difficult. It depends on the kid and depends on the parent.</p><p></p><p>On the subject of modelling behaviour - difficult child 3 and I have been working on training his new budgie. The little bird tends to fly off sometimes then need rescuing from wherever he's perched on the interior brickwork. It's not good training to allow this to happen too often, it's much better for us to get through a training session with no problems and to finish on a high. But if the little bird flies off in a panic too often, we stop the training and put him back in his cage.</p><p>So I went into the room where difficult child 3 was sitting beside his now-caged budgie and I asked why the cage door wasshut. </p><p>"He's in time out," difficult child 3 solemnly explained. "He kept flying off, so he's in time out for ten minutes."</p><p>Just then the timer on difficult child 3's watch went off, he leaned forward and opened the cage door again, reaching in to get his budgie.</p><p></p><p>OK, he missed the point here for why we put the bird back in the cage, but the end result was the same - the bird gort achance to calm down before another short training session!</p><p></p><p>But difficult child 3 has learnt this from watching us and learning what works for him. And he is now applying it to training his pet.</p><p></p><p>If we had tried to teach this to difficult child 3 in any intellectual capacity, he wouldn't have got the message. But by DOING it, he has learnt it and now applies it himself.</p><p></p><p>Just a small example.</p><p></p><p>You do need to get on top of this fast - the others are right on this, he is only going to get bigger and more aggressive. He MUST learn that people need to be respected; females especially need to be respected and not physically attacked. And family especially, you do not attack but you always support. And mothers even more so than anybody else - mothers are gold, they should be treated as royalty.</p><p></p><p>For difficult child to learn this, it must be modelled. This means husband has to step up to the plate and model this, in ALL his interactions with everyone in the family, including difficult child, even if he's been naughty. Show respect, to teach respect.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 190884, member: 1991"] It's quite possible that at least some of his anger now towards you is because you 'blew the whistle' on his inappropriate touching back in June. By doing so, you've started a cascade of intervention that must be really confronting for him. You did the rightr thing - but he is angry. So be it. Your husband yelling at him in his room - that is going to be counterproductive. You don't punish a kid's aggression by showing more aggression. Instead, you need to model appropriate behaviour. Yes, it's appropriate to be angry with him but he needs to learn from you and husband that there are better ways to express anger. Seriously - if husband had spent the same amount of time with him, maybe getting him to write a letter of apology to you - it would have got the message through even better, it would have been a far worse punishment (from difficult child's point of view) and you wouldn't need to add grounding to the list of things to do, if you didn't want to. I mention that because sometimes grounding a kid can give a parent some breathing space; and sometimes it can make the job more difficult. It depends on the kid and depends on the parent. On the subject of modelling behaviour - difficult child 3 and I have been working on training his new budgie. The little bird tends to fly off sometimes then need rescuing from wherever he's perched on the interior brickwork. It's not good training to allow this to happen too often, it's much better for us to get through a training session with no problems and to finish on a high. But if the little bird flies off in a panic too often, we stop the training and put him back in his cage. So I went into the room where difficult child 3 was sitting beside his now-caged budgie and I asked why the cage door wasshut. "He's in time out," difficult child 3 solemnly explained. "He kept flying off, so he's in time out for ten minutes." Just then the timer on difficult child 3's watch went off, he leaned forward and opened the cage door again, reaching in to get his budgie. OK, he missed the point here for why we put the bird back in the cage, but the end result was the same - the bird gort achance to calm down before another short training session! But difficult child 3 has learnt this from watching us and learning what works for him. And he is now applying it to training his pet. If we had tried to teach this to difficult child 3 in any intellectual capacity, he wouldn't have got the message. But by DOING it, he has learnt it and now applies it himself. Just a small example. You do need to get on top of this fast - the others are right on this, he is only going to get bigger and more aggressive. He MUST learn that people need to be respected; females especially need to be respected and not physically attacked. And family especially, you do not attack but you always support. And mothers even more so than anybody else - mothers are gold, they should be treated as royalty. For difficult child to learn this, it must be modelled. This means husband has to step up to the plate and model this, in ALL his interactions with everyone in the family, including difficult child, even if he's been naughty. Show respect, to teach respect. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child switching physical aggression target from easy child to me?
Top