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difficult child switching physical aggression target from easy child to me?
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<blockquote data-quote="OpenWindow" data-source="post: 190949" data-attributes="member: 45"><p>Getting husband on the same page as me is not possible - he is still mad at me for "blowing the whistle" too and said "I told you so" when DHS became more involved than anyone thought they would. husband has been working on his own anger since July when he and I had a big blow up. He is not a good model for difficult child, and I've been trying to get that through his head. I told husband last time that he wasn't going to treat me like that, and that was the last time I'd put up with it. I told him I didn't want difficult child growing up thinking that was OK. Since then he has held his temper with all of us, until difficult child pushed me, now husband is back to his old yelling self. I'm hoping it doesn't get back to where we were a couple of months ago. The reason it's hard to convince husband that it isn't helping is that difficult child listens to husband and generally does what he says. He does not listen to me and everything I ask him to do is an argument. So husband thinks he is doing it right and I am doing it wrong, and no one can tell him any different. </p><p></p><p>We made a decision when difficult child was very young to not spank him, because when we tried it, it gave him permission in his own mind to hit other people when he thinked they wronged him. It stopped him in that moment, but made things worse afterwards. He started getting in trouble for hitting other kids at daycare. I can't get husband to see that yelling and intimidating does the same thing. I've been telling him this for years, and so have countless counselors and psychiatrists, and I can't see it changing.</p><p></p><p>Last night difficult child was calm so I talked with him about it. After talking in circles for a while he finally got it. He said he pushed me because it was easier to get mad at me than to get mad at himself. He knew he had to go in his room because of what he did but he hates to admit he's wrong, so he just gets mad at me. So he had a moment of clarity and the rest of the evening was good, but like I've said before, even if he gets it intellectually it doesn't transfer to his behavior. This morning he was back to being mad at everyone else but himself.</p><p></p><p>I hate to sound hopeless about husband, but I can't help it right now. He talked to a counselor with me and seemed to be ready to jump on the bandwagon, but then a week or so later he's back to thinking it's all a bunch of bunk and his way is the right way. The counselor recommended a DVD program that helps married couples get along better and he won't even watch that with me, and when he did he only saw my faults in the DVD, not his. I really doubt he will read a book to help deal with difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OpenWindow, post: 190949, member: 45"] Getting husband on the same page as me is not possible - he is still mad at me for "blowing the whistle" too and said "I told you so" when DHS became more involved than anyone thought they would. husband has been working on his own anger since July when he and I had a big blow up. He is not a good model for difficult child, and I've been trying to get that through his head. I told husband last time that he wasn't going to treat me like that, and that was the last time I'd put up with it. I told him I didn't want difficult child growing up thinking that was OK. Since then he has held his temper with all of us, until difficult child pushed me, now husband is back to his old yelling self. I'm hoping it doesn't get back to where we were a couple of months ago. The reason it's hard to convince husband that it isn't helping is that difficult child listens to husband and generally does what he says. He does not listen to me and everything I ask him to do is an argument. So husband thinks he is doing it right and I am doing it wrong, and no one can tell him any different. We made a decision when difficult child was very young to not spank him, because when we tried it, it gave him permission in his own mind to hit other people when he thinked they wronged him. It stopped him in that moment, but made things worse afterwards. He started getting in trouble for hitting other kids at daycare. I can't get husband to see that yelling and intimidating does the same thing. I've been telling him this for years, and so have countless counselors and psychiatrists, and I can't see it changing. Last night difficult child was calm so I talked with him about it. After talking in circles for a while he finally got it. He said he pushed me because it was easier to get mad at me than to get mad at himself. He knew he had to go in his room because of what he did but he hates to admit he's wrong, so he just gets mad at me. So he had a moment of clarity and the rest of the evening was good, but like I've said before, even if he gets it intellectually it doesn't transfer to his behavior. This morning he was back to being mad at everyone else but himself. I hate to sound hopeless about husband, but I can't help it right now. He talked to a counselor with me and seemed to be ready to jump on the bandwagon, but then a week or so later he's back to thinking it's all a bunch of bunk and his way is the right way. The counselor recommended a DVD program that helps married couples get along better and he won't even watch that with me, and when he did he only saw my faults in the DVD, not his. I really doubt he will read a book to help deal with difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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