difficult child/teenager

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by insanemomoffour, Apr 13, 2007.

  1. insanemomoffour

    insanemomoffour New Member

    hello, I am new to the forum. I have a 16 yo difficult child. We have been dealing with his problems since he was 5. It doesn't seem to be getting any better. I said something to a co-worker today that I can't believe that came out of my mouth. I always vowed to not feel this way and now I guesse I do. I am afraid of confronting him on his behavior and attitude. If I hold him accountable I have to worry about how he will react. He tends to become very violent and aggressive. It sucks me in and I tend to want to "show" him I am the mom. Hence the power struggle begins. My husband has no problem getting in difficult child face. The only thing is that difficult child has been in jv before and I try so hard to prevent things going to the level of police being called in. I guesse in a way I feel that I am suppose to still protect him. Or am I hurting him by not confronting him. His grades are suffering because he just won't do his work, his room is horrid(he still wets in the bed occasionally). I just don't know what consequences to use anymore. I want peace in my home, it seems the more I try the worse it gets. I have 3 other children also that get to hear and see this. Any advice? What a first post....
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard. I don't have much time to post now but wanted you to know that someone has read your offering and is sending
    cyber support your way. Has your son been diagnosed with any
    specific disabilities/syndromes?

    Soon I am sure others will post on but the weekend do tend to be quieter than weekdays. Don't despair...you'll have many reaching
    out to you soon. Hugs. DDD
     
  3. insanemomoffour

    insanemomoffour New Member

    yes, diagnosis adhd, odd and once when in patient he was diagnosis with-bipolar. But his psychiatrist doesn't think it is fitting. Thanks for the encouragement. I will keep checking back. I am at whits end.
     
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. DDD is right -- you will find a lot of support here.

    Sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us help you. Has your difficult child ever had an evaluation? Is he on any medications? Any speech or developmental delays? Any sensory issues (bothered by clothing tags, food textures, loud noises)? How does he get along with peers? Any psychiatric issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    Again, welcome.
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My line in the sand is aggression/violence toward themselves or others. Even when my difficult children were much younger I didn't hesitate to call for help - 911 if necessary for transport or help with de-escalating a situation.

    Having said that, it sounds like your difficult child has become quite the bully & you have become hostage to his behaviors, illness & choices. This isn't right.

    What are the options for difficult child? If you don't want to go the way of juvenile justice have you considered a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) setting for treatment. Is difficult child aggressive to the point of needing hospitalization for medication changes & stabilization?

    I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. I hope we can help you find your way on the journey of parenting a difficult child.
     
  6. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    Hi Insane mom:

    We hear you! 16 is like the worst age as they are considered an adult in the law, yet they can also be considered children. :hypnosis:
    In alot of places you can't force a 16 year old into treatment without the help of the family court. If you can get him to a good place, (not just a housing facility, which is what family court usually gives them), it may net some results. I personally had experience with a state run court mandated "treatment" center when my difficult child was 15-17. It did not help!!! :grrr:

    Good Luck to you
    Blessings,
    Melissa
     
  7. oceans

    oceans New Member

    Has he tried any medications and if so did they make things better or worse? What did the inpatient psychiatrist see that made them get a bipolar diagnoses? When they are inpatient, the psychiatrists have the chance to monitor their behavior in a closer manner than the out patient psychiatrists. Did they try mood stabilizers while he was inpatient, and if so did they help? Why does the outpatient psychiatrist disagree with the bipolar diagnoses? Often times it is difficult to make any progress unless the correct medications are on board. What I have found is that the outpatient psychiatrists did not diagnose what they didn't witness for themselves, even if I reported certain behaviors.
     
  8. insanemomoffour

    insanemomoffour New Member

    Yes, medications have been tried. He is currently on Wellbutrin and Concerta. School is another issue. Everything is ok as long as you don't hold him accountable for anything and don't rock the boat. Now, he even throws up the fact of how could we send him to jjc and also in patient tx throughout his life. He says we were wrong for that and he never needed to go. He says that everyone else in the family is the problem and that he thinks we are bipolar or whatever diagnosis he pops out at the time. Mind you, there are really nice times with him, but not when we are talking school, homework, behavior, cleaning room etc. We are trying so hard to keep things calm for the rest of the house because this has taken a toll on all of us over the years. I feel like I wake up trying to think what the next punishsment/consequence will be? What can you do with a 16yo?
     
  9. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    "Everything is ok as long as you don't hold him accountable for anything and don't rock the boat."

    Sounds just like my difficult child#1. And everyone else ends up on eggshells as to not upset her! What a life!

    "He says that everyone else in the family is the problem and that he thinks we are bipolar or whatever diagnosis he pops out at the time."

    It is scary at how these kids that don't even know each other say the same things to their family...

    My daughter is in foster care now because of her violent and explosive behavior and in the process of assessment and evaluation. My heart goes out to you...
     
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome!

    Has he been more aggressive since starting either medication?
     
  11. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Anyone ever tell you that antidepressants and stimulants can cause aggression, especially in kids? It can start gradually a few months after starting the drug and get worse as time goes on.
     
  12. oceans

    oceans New Member

    If he really is bipolar the antidepressant and stimulant can make things worse. Did they try a mood stabilizer while he was in the hospital and had a bipolar diagnoses? That would be Lithium, Lamictal, Tegretol, Depakote....
     
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