difficult child text Monday morning.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sweetmama714, Dec 24, 2014.

  1. PennyFromTheBlock

    PennyFromTheBlock Active Member

    Basically, a picture of a positive Pregnancy Test with "Merry Christmas" as the message.

    Oh joy.

    I'm still processing- as I have no grandchildren - this would be the first.

    I have no idea how this will shake out or what a difficult child does when the ultimate bargaining tool (what a horrible way to put it, but that's what a baby can/will become) is in the picture.

    What now?

    ::cry:: ::cry:: ::cry::
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't have unrealistic expectations of being overly close to the grandchild. I have only seen one of my grandchildren three times.

    Hope for the rest, be realistic about your difficult child and the girl who is pregnant and try not to stress. It is really not within your control. In the end, our grandchildren are only as close to us as our children want them to be. Some of us, due to distance or personality of our kids, don't get to be grandma with the cookies and hugs.However, he/she (not sure if you have a girl or boy difficult child) may need you for babysitting. If so, take full advantage!!!

    I wish you a peaceful Christmas.
     
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    SM...two weeks ago I got a FB message from my son's live in girlfriend. It said: I don't know if ---- is going to tell you or not but I am pregnant. But don't worry because we are probably going to get an abortion."

    I have not responded or asked any questions at all. They were at my house yesterday for Christmas and I said nothing about any of that to either of them.

    I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. I am trusting in that and I am calm about it all.

    Who knows what is next? I am focusing on today.

    Hang in there. My policy is not reacting to drama. For what it's worth.
     
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh the joy of getting that news, or at least there should be joy, right. My difficult child had been out of jail for 2 months when he told me that his girlfriend was pregnant. At the time I was devastated. I remember thinking how in the world is he going to be able to take care of a child when he can't take care of himself. They decided to get married and for a while I really thought my difficult child had changed but it was short lived. A couple of months after my second grandchild was born my difficult child abandoned them. Fortunately my daughter in law and I have grown very close and I will always be a part of my grandchildren's lives. I only wish they didn't live 2000 miles away.

    I know the mixed emotions that go along with this news.

    Sending you ((HUGS))
     
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Well first you breathe and then you wait and see! My difficult child sent something along those lines to her boyfriend. It was a lie. I drug her to the doctors office and made then Do blood and urine tests. She was mortified. I made my point. That is one game she won't play on me again.

    It could be a wonderful thing that straightens your difficult child out. It could be a disaster. Be there for the grandchild and that is all you can do.
     
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  6. PennyFromTheBlock

    PennyFromTheBlock Active Member

    Thanks for the replies. /sigh. He cannot take care of himself, much less anyone else. I have to hope the girlfriend is level headed enough to do it on her own.

    She already has one child- a girl about 4 years old or so- I'm not sure.

    I met difficult child this evening in the parking lot of a local store to give him some Xmas gifts from my mother (who he stole from and yet she doesn't want him excluded) and from me. No money.

    the plan he and the girlfriend had to up and move to South Dakota is off (as I knew it would be) and they are in quite the bind right now- so while I was hoping distance would help- alas it's not to be.

    I have to hope, as crazy as difficult child can be- that he DOES realize it's a good thing to not use this baby for the pawn I know he will. So while I've detached from him pretty well since August, it will be even harder to detach from my first grandbaby.

    They've evidently told her family as well, and announced it on social media. August 2015.

    I have so many emotions over this and then at times, no emotions.

    What a weird world we have to live in when we have these difficult child children. Like, some weird twilight zone thing where nothing logical is logical.
     
  7. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Oh Sweet,

    I am reading along, and so feeling for you. husband and I have discussed this. Our difficult child has brought this up, as in "and you will have grandchildren and never get to know them" (trying to keep the funds going). husband and I have no grandchildren. We think, if this ever does come into play with difficult child, we would not respond because we would fear game-playing with the baby. We would fear real, searing pain down the road if we jumped in. Better to not meet the baby than face that. This is a sad thing to even think about, but such is life with a difficult child.

    What would really happen? I have no idea. But, I would think...Do nothing, say nothing. Wait awhile, a long while, to see what happens.
     
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sweetmama, geez, I'm sorry you are in the midst of a new difficult child drama.........I know how harrowing it can be.

    I agree with COM. It is not easy to gear our thoughts in this manner, but doing it and staying in the present moment, not drifting in to the future, is an excellent way for us to keep ourselves in a peaceful place. Otherwise, we are in the future, worrying and ruminating about something that hasn't happened yet. We don't know what the future holds and it can go in any direction..............try your best to stay present in the NOW.

    Yes, it is a very weird world. But their world intersects with our world.......in many different ways and yet........we can keep our distance from the worlds which cause us misery and keep the ones which work for us. Like one of the moms here whose son had kids and then abandoned them, but she is in a good relationship with the kids mom and sees the grandkids in a healthy way, her difficult child is out of the picture completely. It can turn out in a way which may end up working out okay for you, we just don't know yet. In the meantime, keep your distance, refrain from asking questions as COM suggested and carry on with your own life. Take very good care of YOU.

    It'll help you a lot to have a good support system where you can express all of the feelings you are having...........this is tough stuff to deal with.

    Hang in there sweet mama, we're all here for you...........hugs.........
     
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It may help to remember that even when the parent(s) are not difficult children, sometimes the grandparents don't get to be part of the grand children's lives due to physical distance.
     
  10. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    True or not, this is a cold, hurtful way to tell you news that should never have been toyed with in this way. Becoming a grandmother is as big a step, as big an identity change for us as becoming a parent is for our children.

    I am very sorry. True or not, he has taken some of the shine away from the news of a new baby when that time does come.

    What a game-playing biatch.

    That would have torn me apart.

    Torture.

    You did the right thing.

    I don't know where the strength came from COM, but you did the right thing.

    Prayers for your continued strength and wisdom going up.

    I included this quote because COM said, "My policy". That is what we all need. A policy, a set of parameters. That way, when some shocking thing happens, we will know how to begin to recover our equilibrium.

    Even if this news is true, there is time.

    That is enough, for right now.

    There is time.

    There is so little we can do about any of it.

    Cedar
     
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