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difficult child Threw Dad's Cellphone Down Garbage Disposal
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 271809" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Every year husband tries a new set of doctors. He goes for about 6-9 months, nothing gets better, the doctors eventually blame husband for not being a good enough parent, difficult child hates going and begs to stop, it seems like a waste of time and money, so they stop for 4 to 6 months. And then there's an incident or things get intolerable and husband finds a new set of doctors, and they start again, and nothing improves, and the docs get frustrated and start blaming husband and difficult child complains about going because the docs also tell him in essence to shape up and stop his games, so they stop and it's a cycle.</p><p> </p><p>husband is not opposed to difficult child being removed from the home. He even doesn't mind if difficult child goes to juvenile which I really don't think is good. But who would remove him? He hasn't committed a crime since Feb 2008, so the legal system won't. </p><p> </p><p>CPS either thinks he's the problem and we need to protect ourselves against him (yes they've actually told us this) or think we are so abusive they are going to take difficult child and his sister. It depends on the worker. </p><p> </p><p>The school has no authority to take him, and he usually gets along with the school. He has the ability to make teachers think he's a poor little neglected boy and brings out the protective instinct in them. But usually by the end of the year they are happy to see him go. We can't afford to put him in residential treatment or even a boarding school. </p><p> </p><p>His bio-mom is currently homeless, wandering the streets in psychosis, yelling at god as she goes along. His grandmother is a neurotic nut who cries everyday about someone who's been 'mean' to her for 'no reason', has no friends, is afraid to make any decisions (she's been like this all her life), is overwhelmed and dependent and needy, and who has a tube in her head to drain spinal fluid from around her brain to her stomache and she's 72 years old and poor. There's a strange uncle who belongs to a strange fundamentalist christian sect that no one has ever heard of that's quite rigid and strange and who's own son is 9 and wildly out of control and who's wife is so withdrawn she rarely speaks or makes eye contact. There's his mother's sister who is rich, rich, rich, but utterly exhausted by taking care of her psychotic sister and her two (yes, TWO) schizophrenic brothers, and is not interested in taking on any more crazy people. She skitters on the edge of alcoholism, altho it's a battle she's been winning for about 10 years--since she stopped taking calls from her siblings.</p><p> </p><p>There's a grandfather he's never seen who has a 20 yo daughter who's so autistic she cannot speak and is developmentally about 18 months old and who throws wild tantrums. </p><p> </p><p>There's another uncle who's pretty nice, but who never had kids and he and his wife deal with her disfunctional family, and who beleives, altho he doesn't really say so, that difficult child's problems are all because he's not getting enough attention and approval at home. If we send difficult child to him (and we've thought about it for just a summer), he'd send him back and be angry with husband. It would ruin the one good family relationship husband still has. Besides, this uncle lives down the street from nutty neurotic grandma and deals with her all the time and wouldn't understand that he must supervise granma and difficult child every single moment together and that situation would explode (grandma and difficult child together is worthy of it's own post). And there is no one else.</p><p> </p><p>So how's he going to be removed from the home.</p><p> </p><p>I've thought of leaving, and have a plan for immediate flight from the house and how to set up a new life on the spur of the moment if necessary without too much disruption. But my kids don't want to leave. They have a life here, love their stepfather, love their little sister, and can put up with difficult child since he doesn't target them and I shield them from most of his problems. </p><p> </p><p>I've thought of leaving when the youngest leaves HS and difficult child is 16 and probably going to be worse than now and completely unmanageable (altho husband thinks difficult child will run away by then and husband says he won't let him come back if that's the case). </p><p> </p><p>But if I leave what happens to daughter? I won't ever see her again and I'm the only mother she knows. Who will advocate for her? husband will train her to become codependent on difficult child (aw...give him a break, he's 'sick', he can't help it, you shouldn't blame him for taking your stuff...be the bigger person, be more understanding...).</p><p> </p><p>Besides, I love my husband, and when we get away from the difficult child issues, it's wonderful being with him. So for me there's a sense of being stuck, but knowing if I can just hang on, difficult child will eventually be out of the house permanently and husband and I can have a very nice life together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 271809, member: 5169"] Every year husband tries a new set of doctors. He goes for about 6-9 months, nothing gets better, the doctors eventually blame husband for not being a good enough parent, difficult child hates going and begs to stop, it seems like a waste of time and money, so they stop for 4 to 6 months. And then there's an incident or things get intolerable and husband finds a new set of doctors, and they start again, and nothing improves, and the docs get frustrated and start blaming husband and difficult child complains about going because the docs also tell him in essence to shape up and stop his games, so they stop and it's a cycle. husband is not opposed to difficult child being removed from the home. He even doesn't mind if difficult child goes to juvenile which I really don't think is good. But who would remove him? He hasn't committed a crime since Feb 2008, so the legal system won't. CPS either thinks he's the problem and we need to protect ourselves against him (yes they've actually told us this) or think we are so abusive they are going to take difficult child and his sister. It depends on the worker. The school has no authority to take him, and he usually gets along with the school. He has the ability to make teachers think he's a poor little neglected boy and brings out the protective instinct in them. But usually by the end of the year they are happy to see him go. We can't afford to put him in residential treatment or even a boarding school. His bio-mom is currently homeless, wandering the streets in psychosis, yelling at god as she goes along. His grandmother is a neurotic nut who cries everyday about someone who's been 'mean' to her for 'no reason', has no friends, is afraid to make any decisions (she's been like this all her life), is overwhelmed and dependent and needy, and who has a tube in her head to drain spinal fluid from around her brain to her stomache and she's 72 years old and poor. There's a strange uncle who belongs to a strange fundamentalist christian sect that no one has ever heard of that's quite rigid and strange and who's own son is 9 and wildly out of control and who's wife is so withdrawn she rarely speaks or makes eye contact. There's his mother's sister who is rich, rich, rich, but utterly exhausted by taking care of her psychotic sister and her two (yes, TWO) schizophrenic brothers, and is not interested in taking on any more crazy people. She skitters on the edge of alcoholism, altho it's a battle she's been winning for about 10 years--since she stopped taking calls from her siblings. There's a grandfather he's never seen who has a 20 yo daughter who's so autistic she cannot speak and is developmentally about 18 months old and who throws wild tantrums. There's another uncle who's pretty nice, but who never had kids and he and his wife deal with her disfunctional family, and who beleives, altho he doesn't really say so, that difficult child's problems are all because he's not getting enough attention and approval at home. If we send difficult child to him (and we've thought about it for just a summer), he'd send him back and be angry with husband. It would ruin the one good family relationship husband still has. Besides, this uncle lives down the street from nutty neurotic grandma and deals with her all the time and wouldn't understand that he must supervise granma and difficult child every single moment together and that situation would explode (grandma and difficult child together is worthy of it's own post). And there is no one else. So how's he going to be removed from the home. I've thought of leaving, and have a plan for immediate flight from the house and how to set up a new life on the spur of the moment if necessary without too much disruption. But my kids don't want to leave. They have a life here, love their stepfather, love their little sister, and can put up with difficult child since he doesn't target them and I shield them from most of his problems. I've thought of leaving when the youngest leaves HS and difficult child is 16 and probably going to be worse than now and completely unmanageable (altho husband thinks difficult child will run away by then and husband says he won't let him come back if that's the case). But if I leave what happens to daughter? I won't ever see her again and I'm the only mother she knows. Who will advocate for her? husband will train her to become codependent on difficult child (aw...give him a break, he's 'sick', he can't help it, you shouldn't blame him for taking your stuff...be the bigger person, be more understanding...). Besides, I love my husband, and when we get away from the difficult child issues, it's wonderful being with him. So for me there's a sense of being stuck, but knowing if I can just hang on, difficult child will eventually be out of the house permanently and husband and I can have a very nice life together. [/QUOTE]
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