difficult child took a bottle of pills and now is in psychiatric at the hosptial

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Oct 21, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    For those of you who are familiar with my situation, you know things went from bad to worse here recently. Things finally came to a head earlier this afternoon around 1:00. She is now in the hospital being evaluated and the nurse told me that they are going to transfer her to another facility, which is more than 2 hours away. I am scared because I don't know how these things work. Scared that she is alone and that she will be going more than 2 hours possibly 3, away.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GM, they'll take good care of her. The first time I was in a psychiatric hospital, it was a voluntary commitment and I was in a very bad neighborhood because that's where the best hospital was. Needless to say nobody visited much and I was pretty young myself (23). But I grew to like the place...I was there for ten weeks, but your daughter will probably only be there for a few days. Insurance won't cover a long time anymore.My son (36) was in a hospital for a week when he was 13 and, although he didn't like it, he was ok. My daughter Julie was in a hospital for three weeks, including over Christmas, when she pulled a knife on herself and put it to her throat and I freaked out and called an ambulance. It was two and a half hours away.

    If you're going to take a bottle of pills, and it's not going to kill you (usually it's an aspirin bottle or something like that and more either a cry for help or a way to scare us) you are 100% going to end up in a psychiatric hospital. Your daughter may not have known that when she did it, but that's how it works.

    What are you afraid of? She will be evaluated and is now safe. They don't allow you to stay with your family members. This is a way for her to get help and for you to have a break.
  3. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I'm at a really low point right now....
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well...we don't know what happened, but it wasn't exactly a banner day in my life when my daughter pulled a knife on herself either. She was high, of course. I felt like she was at least safe for as long as she was there. The reason why the patients are often sent far away is there are often a shortage of beds for younger people in psychiatric AND a shortage of psychiatric hospitals.

    You will get through this as I did; as we all do. Your daughter will too. Maybe she will decide to get the help she needs now that she is going to have to see a psychiatrist and go to therapy. It could be a good thing for both of you. If she is a danger to you and herself, she does need supervision and this will provide it. Maybe she'll get on medication that will help her too.

    We are here with you.
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you MWM. I really appreciate it, I needed that right now
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This may be the break you needed disguised as a weird development. While she is safely tucked away getting evaluated, use this as an opportunity to take very good, kind, nurturing, care of YOU. She is where she needs to be and although it is scary for you, and likely for her too, it seems it was leading up to this for a while now. Try to breathe deeply, take a long walk, talk to a girlfriend, do something different, don't sit there and ruminate about it. It's all going to be alright. You are going to be okay. You can rest now. You can relax now. Use this opportunity for yourself. We're here if you need us, you're not alone. Sending hugs to you GM, don't worry, it's going to be okay.
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  7. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you so much, RE
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    She is in a safe place, Guide Me, and with professionals who might be able to provide some insight and get her some balance. This is a safe time for YOU as well, a chance for a respite from the constant worrying that can really grind us down. I think you should do something, whatever it is for YOU, that helps draw some of that tension out of your body. Breathe deeply, get a massage, go for a long walk in a beautiful spot, have lunch with an old friend...for the next few days nurture YOU.
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  9. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    thanks everybody. There is one thing that is weighing on my mind right now. My daughter , in a fit of rage today, emailed social security disability (i am on disability) that I am a drug dealer, drug addict and all of that. She also told them I worked under the table. All of which is not true. I am an open book and have nothing to hide, they can drug test me, do a complete audit of my fiances, anything they want. I never worked under the table in my life. But who knows what will happen with this now. I am just so beyond upset that she did this.
  10. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    By the way, which is why she freaked out and took the pills. She knew deep down inside what she did was absolutely wrong and she also put our livelyhood on the line and she lied.
  11. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    The panic is setting in. I am so scared for her. I am reading horror stories off of the internet of these mental places. I am so terrified....my whole body is shaking
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm on disability too, hon. Don't worry. They aren't going to take disability away because somebody's daughter e-mailed them a letter. You got on it because of your disability. So did I. by the way, that was really garbage of your daughter.

    I've been in two psychiatric hospitals. What do you think is going to happen? You need to stop reading the internet. They can't do anything to her that s he doesn't agree to do unless she gets violent there. And if she gets violent ANYWHERE she is going to get into trouble and she knows it. To be honest, I doubt she'll be there very long. Insurance doesn't cover mental health for very long anymore. And, like all hospitals, they like to get paid.

    Please calm down. I really believe you are worrying for nothing. Do you have a therapist you can call or see tomorrow?
  13. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Oh, so sorry to hear this.

    But your daughter is in the safe place. I understand you are scared and freaked out, but first thing to do is forget One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and all the other popular culture psychiatric wards and asylums. Nowadays psychiatric wards are hospitals like any other hospitals. Bad food, noisy, often feel too cold, have crappy coffee, ugly colour schemes, staff that may be busy and seem bit abrupt or rude at times, you never feel you get enough information or they are talking gibberish or simply can't say anything definite. In other words they have all the makings of crabby hospital experience (if you don't get lucky), but that is it. They are no horror houses. Unpleasant at worst but can also surprise and be more pleasant experiences.

    Try not to worry for your disability. I'm of course not from USA but simple logic says, that you are certainly not an only one whose disgruntled child, parent, ex-spouse, neighbour, new spouse's ex etc. has made bogus accusations against them. Dealing with them is likely total routine to officials and giving the circumstances I doubt you daughter has been able to write an email that would even be believable. And even if it was, I'm sure they actually need some proof to do anything to you.

    Try to take this time she is in hospital as a breather from your situation. And if possible, try to find out what services hospital may have for discharged patients. Your living situation is toxic for both you and your daughter, this could actually provide you some assistance with getting rid of you too living together.
  14. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    How are you this morning, GM?

    There are times when just the decision to be kinder to ourselves can change the way a thing feels, Guide Me. You have been through a traumatic experience, and it sounds like it brought up older trauma for you.

    It will take a few days for you to come back into balance, and that is okay.

    Though things are not as you wish they might be, your child is safe, and is safely where she needs to be for right now. If you can slow everything down, if you can remind yourself that you have the time you need to meet whatever is coming next and handle it well, I think that will help you, this morning.

    We are right here.

  15. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanted to add my support. I've been through multiple hospitalizations with both of my girls - and the first for each were definitely the most difficult. Rest assured she is safe, and well cared for. She may tell you otherwise, of course, but she'll be ok.

    My youngest swallowed pills three different times - it's a scary, desperate thing to do. In her case, it was also manipulative - she actually counted the pills she swallowed. I knew this meant she wasn't truly suicidal, but I was terrified she'd die, anyway. It was also exhausting for me.. ugh. What a rollercoaster.

    The other thing about our kids being hospitalized is the odd sense of relief it can bring. I remember feeling a bit guilty about that relief -- but I also remember being able to sleep soundly when my daughter was in the hospital because I knew where she was, and that she wasn't leaving there. If that guilt stirs its ugly head, know that it's normal, but squash it like a bug. There's nothing to feel guilty about. This is a respite for you, take it - exhale and use the time to recharge a bit.

  16. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thank you all for the amazing amounts of support. I love you guys and don't know where I would be with out you guys.

    I guess I am in little bit more calmer state this morning. As you all know it got really bad here recently folks (actually when wasn't it bad?). To the point where I would have to leave my home all day long, hide my car, hide all of my things so she can't take them. It just got to be too much. She has absolutely zero respect for me and a whole bunch of rage against me. She thinks everything I have is hers, she is convinced of this and if my neighbor wasn't hear yesterday, she would have severely harmed me or even killed me. My neighbor must have cat like reflexes because I didn't even see her coming, it happened that fast. He is wrestling with her on the ground and screaming for me to get the hell out of the house. I ran. He hurt his knee very badly. When I say she hates me, she hates me. The vileness that comes from her mouth is astounding. I've been afraid, and badly abused by my daughter for many years now. She always comes and goes as she pleases. She never listens to anything I say. I am not allowed to talk on the phone in our places because it annoys her. I have to wait for her to leave. I must feed her when SHE is ready to eat. Whenever she wants something like my computer or money, it's now, now, NOW or I am a POS. Calling me the C word is now a daily thing in my home and has been for a long time. It's just been like this for far too long. Every time it just seems like she finds new levels of hate to hate me with. I know this is a common expression but when I tell you she treats me like dog poo, she literally treats me like dog poo. She is getting crazy violent here at home. I know I made a lot of mistakes as a parent, but I don't deserve this. I don't...
  17. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

  18. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Are you in therapy for yourself, GM?

    You are in an emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive relationship. Though it seems like you should be able to help your daughter or at least control her, she is ill and needs more help than you can give her.

    If you are not in therapy, please look in your phone book or online and find the number of a crisis center or a shelter. If you cannot find one, call your local emergency room. They will be able to give you a toll free, domestic violence number.
    The counselors there will be able to help you figure out how to see your situation in a different way.

    If all that seems like too much, try calling: 211

    That was once a country-wide helpline. Some states still use that number. I don't know whether yours does or not.

    No, Guide Me, you do not deserve what has happened. It has nothing to do with how you parented, what your child did or didn't eat, or what you taught her. She is very ill. She is where she needs to be.

    You still need to move.

    If you are not there to take responsibility for her, the people at the hospital will help her.

    Holding you in my thoughts today, Guide Me.

  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GuideMe, you need to take out a restraining order on her. You can't let her come back home if she is going to severely hurt you. If she is capable of hurting you, she should not be on the streets. Even 36 did not go that far. He threatened me and slapped me once or he'd have a different relationship with me than he does. I would have pressed charges, thinking that if he could hurt me, he could hurt somebody else too. Your neighbor saw. He is a witness. I know it's hard, but I'd go to the police and make sure she can not come back home. In my opinion, she gave up her right to your protection when she attacked you and you felt she could seriously hurt or kill you. That is not being your little girl anymore. That is way beyond that. PLEASE take care of yourself. You are in danger if you wait until December. She is beyond abusing you. She is terrorizing you.

    Would you allow anybody else to do this to you? I urge you to go to a center for domestic abuse. You can not save her. You are her prisoner in your own home.

    Hugs and more hugs/ I agree with Cedar. Let the hospital and other supports deal with her.
  20. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Mwm, thank you. Did you get that private message I sent you last night, please?