difficult child turns 14 today . . .

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wonderful Family, Nov 8, 2009.

  1. Great news - today is difficult child's 14th birthday. We have a nice day planned plus dinner at Medeival Times tonight. He's pretty excited about it; but much calmer than in prior years. difficult child reminded me on Friday night that it's only 1 year until he can get his driver permit - that's a bit scary. psychiatrist told us last week that he's the best he's ever seen him - husband and I agree. Almost verging on happy at times.

    On his 11th birthday, he was so sick with the depression and mood swings, would sit in a catatonic state just wringing his hands for hours on end. I still can't imagine how we - let alone he, survived it.

    People we turned to said it was a stage and would pass (forgetting the behaviors and problems we had before this and diagnoses). Trying to find a good psychiatrist was a nightmare, especially since we had recently moved cross country and were having to start over again.

    It was a long haul just to get minor improvements, but all along - difficult child has "willingly" (with one bad period/exception when he was 12) tried the medications, lived with the side effects, gone to various therapists even if he didn't like it, since the age of 3 - all in the name of "help".

    Now - I have a child that is functioning and doing good, dare I say it - "normal teen"? He's no superstar and still a difficult child, still immature for his age and a pain to live with, but I am very proud of what he has overcome so far.
  2. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Happy Birthday to your difficult child! Hope you have a great day....sounds like you've all come far!
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    What a great day for both of you! Is there anything that can make us happier than to see our difficult child's doing well, stable, and maturing? My son is only about 6 mos older than yours- he LOVED the Medieval Times!

    I was touched by your description of how your son went along with so much trying to be helped. I don't want to throw out false hope for a miracle, but since my son has a questionable diagnosis of BiPolar (BP), I wanted to let you know that a couple of doctors told me that since they are now watching more closely for signs of BiPolar (BP) in kids, they are finding that sometimes what appears as BiPolar (BP) or MI in kids tends to go away or at least greatly improve after they cross puberty and the chemicals in the brain and hormones stabilize out on an adult level. Apparently, some believe that it really is a chemical imbalance in some of these kids but then after getting worse for a few years with puberty, the hormones settle down and the balance shifts to reflect an adult's brain and many who had a chemical imbalance before no longer have it at all or at least, not as bad as it was. It gave me a little hope for improvement in my son. It sounds like you might be seeing some of that in your son, too. I can definitely relate to your description of what things were like when he was 11yo and how you feel when you look back on that period.

    Enjoy your day and kudos to your son!
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2009
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Happy birthday to your difficult child! Glad to hear he is doing so well! Hugs.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Happy birthday to difficult child! I'm so glad to hear that you've seen such a huge improvement.

    Thanks for sharing this -love to hear the positives on this board.
  6. WF,

    Happy Birthday to difficult child and congrats to you! Nothing beats the hard work of a warrior mom.

  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry that I missed this yesterday. Happy Belated Birthday to difficult child. Hope his day was great yesterday. Great to hear about the progress he has made over the last three years!

  8. Thanks everyone. KLMO: My hope is that this is something that "resolves" as he gets older; FWIW - the older he gets, the more obvious the BiPolar (BP) has become. Especially as he has stabilized . . . but I do hope he's in that small percentage of people that seem to outgrow it!
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    How did the b-day go?

    Even if he is showing clearer signs of BiPolar (BP), I think that could still be a good sign. If things are more obvious and distinguishable and therefore, easier to treat and maintain, it still means more stability than many of us have seen thru the adolescent years- which have been a killer for me. LOL!

    They are evaluation'ing my son now - without medications because they got to be such a roller-coaster ride that we couldn't see any good coming from them. I have told him, though, that if it turns out that he really is BiPolar (BP) and needs to go back on medications, it's ok. The main thing was to get a better grip on what he could control, what he couldn't, and what might truly be a chemical imbalance.

    I hope you keep us updated!
  10. red

    red New Member

    Oh, congratulations! Reminds me of my difficult child. He is 13 going on 14 in January. He was so angry and trantrumy in elementary school, from first to fifth, but especially fourth grade. They would call every Wednesday to tell me how awful he had been and then he would storm in the house, so upset. And now in 8th grade, he has a diagnosis of depression and medications and he can smile again. I can't get over it. That smile disappeared in first grade and it is finally back. I believe that they do get better, sometimes, under the right circumstances, if we are lucky. But isn't it worth it all when you see that smile again, finally, after so long!
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Awesome! Congrats.
    Medieval Times is a good idea. I wonder if we could do something like that for my difficult child's birthday? But he'd probably want paintball.
    Keep up the good work.