difficult child visited our home today....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, May 22, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    ...best we can figure he came in easy child's window :mad:

    My neighbor called me to let me know someone's truck was at my house and she saw people inside.

    I am working alone now so there was no way I could leave the shop and husband had a trip out of town so....I called our local police dept.

    The dispatcher was told by me that it was most likely my son and his drug buddies robbing my home. I told her he didn't have permission to be there and had to have broken in because all of our locks had been changed.

    She said she would call me back with info once the officer got there. I called his PO to get advice, while I had po on the phone the dispatcher called back to say yes, it was my son and he was asked to leave. I asked why he wasn't picked up and she said I hadn't filed a report!?! What???? She said they didn't know the situation and couldn't go around just arresting people because someone called them. I repeated back to her what I told her from the beginning including having his PO on the other line, and she just repeated the same thing.

    Is it me? Why on earth would I call the police to my home if it was okay for him to be there? His PO couldn't believe it!


    When I spoke to the officer he said he wasn't aware of any problems and my son told him he didn't know he wasn't supposed to be at our home, so he let him go.

    The doors are locked, I wonder if he was at all suspious that he didn't come out of a door!!!!!

    PO and I agreed, this is just one more time my son hasn't had to face the consequences of his actions.

    If I had found something missing I would have filed charges. I spent the evening counting checks and valuables. As of yet, I have found nothing missing...
     
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I know you must be angry. I will never understand why they think they can just get away with stuff---well, maybe I can---they get caught and nothing happens. My difficult child has stolen from us so many times. Each time he promised.....well, you know the promises. He was finally arrested this spring by a friends family because they (he and friend) stole checks and tried to cash him. The friend blamed him---difficult child spent 23 days in lock-up. He has a lot of fines and a lot of other punishment for his criminal activity. I am hoping this last go has been a wakep-up call. The gfgness I can deal with, the criminal activity and drug use....I can't. God help us all.
     
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    You are probably already doing this, but I would seriously consider changing bank account numbers, check credit card statements carefully and think about a safe or a safe deposit box to put car titles in, etc. May be overkill, but if they let him go once they will do it again, I'm pretty sure. Sorry you have to go thru all this, but you know the drill...There is always something you will forget about too...

    Thinking of you and hope you can find some peace....
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    That is crazy that they just let him go.

    Hopefully, they got there before he could take anything (if that was his plan) and even more hopefully, this will deter him from repeating the act.

    Thankfully, you have some very good neighbors.

    This must have been scary, after the fact, to know that someone could have just let himself into your house. Do what you need to take care of yourself and your safety.

    Hugs and prayers to you and your difficult child.
     
  5. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    I don't know what to say, I'm astounded. By your son and the police. The first time you hold that precious baby you never dream that someday you'll be calling the police on them.
     
  6. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I think that is why I have been able to detach, I too tried to handle the gfgness, but taking from someone else that has WORKED to get what they have and continuing to use drugs I can not tolerate!

    He is in line for his "due to get!" He has gotten away with so much but on june 7 I think his eyes will be open.

    With his track record he is liable to have the money for the judge and continue on as he is..

    I have turned it over to God. His will be done.

    I can change nothing
     
  7. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    No, you never think your child could be capable of the things that he does.

    All that you taught your child....All the love you have shown your child...

    You never in a million years dreamed it could turn out like this..
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    HH...

    My therapist has a difficult child and she kicked him out. Her and her husband had gone on vacation and came back to find her house broken into and her sons favorite pizza and a half six pack of beer in the fridge! She called the cops and had him arrested for breaking and entering.

    I think you can do the same thing.
     
  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    It's absurd for them to say they had no reason to pick him up -- if not, then why did you call them, for heaven's sake? Simply being inside without your consent is breaking and entering, even if he took nothing. I'm not a lawyer but that much is self-evident.

    WhymeMom is correct about the bank accounts and credit cards. All he has to do is copy down the acct. #, etc. and he can write checks or charge things online. Tremendous headache but be ready to act.

    Man, I am just steamed at the numbskulls that "asked him to leave"! The more I think about it the madder I get. I mean they actually witness the crime that they were called about in progress and can't arrest them "just because somebody called?" It's not like you just decided to call about someone who was minding his own business, he broke into your house! :grrr:
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds like our idiot police here to be honest.

    If I call the cops to my house because someone steals something from me or commits a crime at my house, they may send a cop to my house but then the cop just talks to me but then tells me I have to go down to the magistrates office at the sheriffs department to take out a warrant. Ok...then what the heck good was it for the cop to come out to my house?

    The cops dont even fill out a report! I didnt even have a car so I could go down to take out the warrant so it was pointless to even worry about it. Makes you believe more and more in "outlaw justice."
     
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Hopefully it won't happen again, but if it does, I hope you will call again. I would not tell them that you had any ideas of who was in your house or what was going on. When they heard it was your son, they figured "family misunderstanding", or that you would drop the charges anyway and it wouldn't be worth their time. Just "burglar" will do fine, and there is no one that has permission to be in your home. Period. They can deal with him and sort it out themselves.

    If you handle it that way, the police themselves will contact you and say "this guy claims to be your son", and you can reply "my son is a druggie thief who is on probation. He has no right to be in my home. Please contact his PO at --- --- ----, and treat him as you would anyone else breaking into my home.

    Don't you just hate it that our family members can take advantage of us and no one cares?
     
  12. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> next time ask the neighbor to make the call that someone has broken into her neighbor's house. then the police will contact you. i guess his PO can't use this to violate him since no charges were pressed? do you have the option of pressing charges?

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Can't you call back and ask them to press charges for breaking and entering and ask them to find him and pick him up??? How rediculous!!!! I can totally understand your frustration.

    We changed our locks when difficult child first moved out, and I know he found his way in a few times through unlocked windows. He has been 8 months clean, doesn't live in the neighborhood, but I still only leave windows open in the front of our house in the summer when we aren't home, that nobody could climb into. I hate the fact that I can't even leave a bedroom window open when I leave the house. I think our difficult child even popped an air conditioner out one day, came in and put the air conditioner back and went out the front door. I am very anal about how I leave my house in the morning and I can tell the minute I walk into any room if anyone has been there. This year the airconditioners are going in the windows at the end of the house over the driveway and garage, so unless he's spiderman he won't be able to get them out.

    It's terrible that we have to do this to protect ourselves against our own children, but it's what most of us have come too!!
     
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ask the police for a copy of the police report of them checking your home. mail it to the PO.
     
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I like Kris' idea of having a neighbor call it in next time. Hopefully, having a non-family member witness "someone" crawling in a neighbor's window will constitute burglary or B&E. That happened with Rob when he broke into my brother's lake house. It was an "anonymous" call from a neighbor.

    Suz
     
  16. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    Sounds like the cops in NJ. When difficult child stole from a neighbors home they wouldn't arrest him, even though there were witnesses and he admitted to stealing, because "it wasn't worth the paperwork." When he was caught on 21 counts of burglary, still no arreest. He had to assault me before they would pick him up.
     
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    This is so unbelieveable. It just boggels the mind how some things are just let go and others are come down on so harshly. -RM
     
  18. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">No, you never think your child could be capable of the things that he does.

    All that you taught your child....All the love you have shown your child...

    You never in a million years dreamed it could turn out like this.. </div></div>

    Hold faith with your son, hearthope. It doesn't do any of us any good to lose our belief in the kids (or in ourselves) for what is happening to them and to us.

    The hardest thing for me was to open my eyes and tell myself what it was I was seeing.

    Right after that, it was to acknowledge the feelings of bitterness, and shame and loss, without becoming cynical.

    There is a phrase about faith at the bottom of my posts. If you read it, you realize it is true ~ none of us ever does know how a thing is going to resolve.

    Just as none of us, in our wildest dreams, could have predicted this for our children ~ if we had seen this coming, we would have changed the equation by which we raised them.

    That is what moms do. We continually assess, and reassess, how the kids are doing, what they need, who they are becoming.

    It helped me to remember that I am still difficult child's mother. It helps me to remember that I love him, and that he is going a wrong way.

    It made a huge difference for me when I began telling difficult child that.

    Whatever wlse I forget to say when I talk to him, I always manage a "Don't use drugs."

    It doesn't work of course, but I don't care.

    Your job now, just like mine, is to survive this in one piece, hearthope.

    Hold faith with your son.

    Whether he is doing right or not, hold faith that he will.

    DDD, I think it was, posted something like that to me once. That when the kids do come home, or when they see us, they are reminded of the way back to decency.

    Barbara
     
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