difficult child wants to go back to school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Dec 8, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea i know i was shocked too for those of you who are shaking your heads.

    she is still eating, she is unmedicated yet hopefully that'll end soon once i meet with-doctor next week. i am putting t.v. in rm like everyone suggested. yet school? ten periods a day again, the kids asking questions about where were you?

    My answer you her was i think that's great you want to go back. why? she said i miss being in school, the kids,, being busy all day. i dont' like being home anymore. i listen to step brother who is in her class talk about the kids etc. and she wants to be part of it.

    i said you have alot of work to catch up on, we have to figure out how to get you sleeping and let's just keep working on that and set a goal for when you would return. we'll talk about it tmrw.

    any thoughts? i'm scared to death obviously. what if she relapses? she ate out of blue, what if she shuts down again? how does she even know if shes' ready or not? she was in an up mood first day might be a down mood. just really nervous.

    therapy just started and my thought is to let her get more therapy sessions under belt, talk about how she'll handle it all coping skills, let her get a medication that finally works than let her take a shot at it. i was so happy to hear her say it. i thought for sure she'd be a home schooled kid.

    i guess i'm afraid of failure for her. what if she goes back and fails than what? she'll be so upset and feel depleted.

    yea yea typical mom i know.

    any thoughts?? from my calmer friends here who often think out of the box for me really well.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Do you know what is coming up at school? Christmas! Is she still in a grade that there may be a class room party?

    It is a good sign that she wants to go back. I think your suggestions about working a few more things out is good. I would set the goal of starting back part time after the holidays. Pick morning or afternoon - whichever she does better at and start out that way. Afternoons would have a natural ending of the day so there will not be the stress of "She is having a good day, do I let her stay".

    You can talk to her teacher about her visiting if there will be a "party" day coming up. If she is allowed to do something special for the class it may help them accept her back and make it easier for her to make her 1st step back into the classroom? (my difficult child had a horrid time bonding with his class the year he was hospitalized for two weeks the end of October). But what to do that is not expensive? How many kids in her class? Would she feel comfortable in giving them each a Christmas card with a small treat? (doesn't have to be candy or food) My difficult child wrote a letter to the class while he was gone but it was a different situation and a very small class so the kids were more aware of his absense.

    Her teacher may have ideas that will help. Be prepared for her anxiety to sky rocket the first day back to school. It is super hard! Having something fun to look forward to will help. If the teacher has several "holiday" plans for the kids maybe difficult child can visit several times this month during those times? Or would that make her want to only go to school on the fun days? If so, just one visit day on the big party day?
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    p.s. If she does have problems getting back into the door at school, ask her doctor if she should/could have something to help her get back to school for awhile (My difficult child took Xanax every morning to just get in the door. He said it really helped to take the edge off of his nerves)
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i think the party thing is a great idea. yet she's in middle school so they have 10 classes a day. maybe homeroom she could bring in some cupcakes for xmas. than return after new year. very very good idea. see that's why i posted this.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Is there a partial attendance option that can help wean her back into school slowly?

  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    TEN?! That seems extreme to me, we had 6 in middle school and 7 in high school. That's a whole lot of gear shifting for anyone, let alone kids.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea ten isnt' that insane?? marg yes there is. i just dont' know if that would be a good idea for her. she's very self conscious can't spell. I don't know about the whole thing. i think she needs more time at home catching up she can't even academically handle it now she's too far behind. and she needs a whole lotta therapy and a new medication. it sounds tempting to her right now yet once shes back in that bldg. wtih the pressure and locker opening and switching classes all day long and behind in each class and zero friends i bet her tune will change. and i can't let her start than drop out just because she doesnt' like it.
  8. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Maybe you can pick one or two classes that she's good in and aren't threatening, art, gym, science, whatever she likes and feels comfortable in and have her attend those each day. Get a schedule where they are one after the other and bring her for those. Maybe let her stay in the ISS (in school suspension) and do her work there. My oldest son got suspended to iSS once and it became his favorite place to go to for the rest of middle school! When kids are changing classes and there are multiple sections, they may just assume she's in another math section,, etc.

    Good luck.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was going to suggest she start out in the self contained classroom so she isnt changing classes. That is just way too many transitions for her right now. And I would start back part time too. Afternoons considering how hard it is for her sleep cycle.
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Another vote for a gradual reintroduction into school. I think maybe art/music at first, with- maybe some time in resource room or self-contained classroom (if the school has one) might be a good way to go.

    As far as questions from peers, I always told thank you it was completely up to him what he said when he was gone for one of his hospitalizations. I really stressed to him that he was never under any obligation to lay out the nitty gritty details of his life for peers. It was perfectly acceptable for him to say he was sick without getting specific, or not say anything at all.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that it's great that she told you that she wants to go back, but I also agree with you that she needs to be able to talk to the therapist about what she will do when she is having trouble coping or if the other kids are not as friendly as she would hope. Talk to her guidance counselor at school and she what his or her recommendation is. See if they will allow her to start back on a half day schedule. As for catching up in school, she may need to go back and start learning what the other kids are up to in order to her to stop falling behind. Then the tutors should continue to come to the house so that she can learn the things that she still has to make up. Does that make sense? My sister did that when she was in high school and had to have surgery on her ankle. This way she eventually caught up with what the rest of the class was working on. As for what she should tell the other kids when ask where she has been, she can be as vague as she wants and only has to say what she is comfortable saying. Simply saying, "I was sick and in the hospital" is a perfectly good answer. I would advise her against saying too much about it. Kids at this age can be really cruel.

    I would take this as a good sign. She wants to go to school, just like the other kids. She doesn't want to be different anymore.

  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea i called school today and had a talk with her guidance counselor. she and i both agreed that it has to be very very slow to avoid a relapse of either the eating disorder or her anxiety or bipolar kicking up badly again. so she's setting up a mtg. between herself, me and the principal to sit down and troubleshoot a plan that will set her up for success and not failure. she also admitted the kids here are rough and that it will be alot for her to re enter the bldg after being gone so very long.

    i told her she's working with-tutors yet we aren't even close to catching up yet. maybe we can set it up where she would go to school for one period a day the class that she gets caught up with first. the whole holiday party thing she thought would be way too much for difficult child. i had to agree. sounded like a cute idea yet this is a huge school with a bunch of god forgive me nasty clickish kids. they'll eat her alive. not like when their little adn welcome her with-open arms. she will be inidated cant' spell lol with a ton of questions and resistance, stares, jokes, etc. they did that to her on her good days.

    what will be will be is my motto now. wont' happen for mos. yet it's a start. that will truly show me whether or not we can continue living here. the true test and if difficult child can function in mainstreamed school
  13. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    When my daughter was in the large, public middle school, they had the class divided into teams. So all of the kids on A team would have the same group of teachers and the teachers, in theory, planned the schedule of tests and projects somewhat together so the kids weren't overwhelmed. If there is anything similar in her school, maybe a switch from one team to another would get her in with a different group of kids who might not know her past.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    not a bad idea. yet they dont' do that there. and it's a super small town so everyone knows everyone's business.