difficult child was here...plus a request

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jul 20, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child came to go to dentist. He had previously let me know that he didn't know if he had time to come by cause he wanted to see friends. I let him know not to come just to get cash.

    He was nice. Short visit and he went to dentist. He returned. Has appointment for cleaning plus two cavities...just assumes I am paying.

    He was going to take shower. I asked if he would mow grass first. He didn't (a) have clothes (there's a closet full of clothes), (b) want to have the sun on him, (c) want to because I didn't ask him ahead of time...you get the drift. He told me to hire someone. I told him I would and they would get the cash I knew he was expecting from me.

    He took shower and then we talked again. More resistance. I reminded him his rent was due today. I didn't offer a check. He left - asking my pets to pray for him as he did. I asked why. "Because they may kick me out and I don't know where I will go." I didn't reply.

    Called Sober House manager. Told him I would mail him check but I simply couldn't hand it to difficult child under those circumstances. He said I did the right thing. He is going to go ask difficult child for the cash. difficult child is going to get a free trip to see what two homeless shelters look like. Manager understands I will pay if he asks me to do so - but thankfully, he is willing to push difficult child.

    It seems difficult child is back on restrictions because he missed morning meditation. He also hasn't cleared it with his new job to be off on Sun/Wed nights when the sober house has mandatory meetings. Manager said difficult child is manipulative and self-centered. Yup. I offered to pay for additional coaching which is a service they offer. He said that wasn't needed right now. I just want to know I have tried everything.

    One bright spot....difficult child and his roommate won the cleanest apartment award. $10 gift cards each. difficult child brought his back to the manager and said he didn't clean so he doesn't deserve it.

    My al-anon sponsor told me that I would most likely be the last one to see improved behavior from difficult child. He's probably right.

    Here's my request. I'm going Monday for six month CT scans...post-cancer follow up. I'm scared. If you would remember me in your prayers/thoughts I would be most grateful.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Prayers coming your way for positive results at your Monday appointment, warm wishes that you can be peaceful and calm through the weekend and hugs so you know you're not alone, you've got a whole board here rootin' for you!
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG, you are doing just the right things with your difficult child. I admire your strength. I will absolutely keep you in my thoughts for a clean bill of health on Monday!!

  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You bet, AG. You will be remembered in my prayers, especially on Monday.
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG first and foremost I'm sending prayers that your scan is clean.

    You did great and sounds like the sober house is very much on to him. It's a good sign that he brought the gift card back, my difficult child would have kept it. He sounds so much like my difficult child, would rather be kicked out than ask for help. My difficult child got kicked out if her second sober house because she didn't get off work for their mandatory weekly meeting. She had plenty of notice and just didn't do it.

    Hang in there you are doing all the right things.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    AG, I think you know that I totally realate to your issues with difficult child and with your own life. I am truly rooting for you and will toss out some prayers on your behalf. Life is NOT suppose to be this complicated. Sigh. DDD
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    {{{hugs}}} and prayers. Stay strong AG, you're doing a great job.
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ag. I am praying for you and hope that all comes out well. I am so sorry and yet so familier with the irresponsible and entitled difficult child thing. You are a good mom and I can't believe his selfishness in the wake of your health. Hug your kitties and know that we are rooting for you! ((Hugs))
  9. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    AG: I am sending prayers for you, especially on Monday. You are such a good mom, and you have a lot of friends that are praying for your good health. Whenever I get scared I try to say the Serenity prayer over and over. That simple prayer is so powerful that it really does help to calm me. Sending many HUGS to you....
  10. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Thank you all for your prayers and support. Your replies brought me to tears. When almost everyone in your family is an addict, even after years of working through it, seeing other people care about me sometimes deeply affects me.

    I want to share something I learned yesterday.

    As a parent, we learn to put their needs over ours. I saw myself doing that when I set boundaries with him. Sure, I set boundaries but my intention was to do so in order to help him learn what he needed.

    Yesterday, it became more personal. My head said, "you cannot do this to ME.". I think it long overdue. While I love him, what he is doing to me is wrong.


    On a funny note, one night this week, he inquired about my alcohol use. He has told the rehab that I'm an alcoholic. While I am not a teetotaler, I also don't have any substance abuse issues. But he still pushes... He explained to me he was asking because he had learned that many people in their 50s become alcoholics.

    Sheeshhh....really? This is coming from YOU?

    So I explained to difficult child that I was sure many did have issues after they retired and their kids left home. However, that wasn't the case with me. That while I had experienced those changes, I was truly happier than ever and had so much less stress that I would be fine.

    Guess difficult child thinks I'm home crying in my beer cause he ain't here.