difficult child went to jail for a few hours

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by nervous, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. nervous

    nervous New Member

    Well on Friday night difficult child was really bullying me & scaring me a little bit. Doing his usual thing of trying to
    control everything. He finally accused me of messing with "something" in his room & now I owe him $40.
    I'm sure he must have had drugs in a pocket or something like that & I washed them. He dumped out my purse looking for money but I said good luck, nothing in there today I'm broke. He took my Ipod & said he would return it when I gave him $40.00

    H called the cops at that time, when the cops entered difficult child was going for his pocket & they searched him, found some ectasy & took him to jail. His "friend" ran out the back door when the cops got there so
    we did get rid of him.

    Of course jails are full so they sent difficult child home at 4am. He blames us of course but I think he is realizing he needs rehab. He woke up later on Saturday & left with another friend, I haven't seen him since then. I am so worried, but it has been quieter around the house.

    Thanks for listening, and all the advise, it really helped me stay strong through this whole thing.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you. Do not let that friend back in the house. Continue to call the police when he does this. Does he have a court appearance date?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Good for you! Don't you give him a dime for his dang drugs. I'd be counting the days until 18. This kid is using drugs that make him dangerous. How dare he even think he can go through your purse right in front of you! Not that my daughter never did it when she used, but she had the respect to sneak...lol :)

    Stay strong. Go to Narc-Anon. Your kid is really in deep and you need the face time help! Hugs!!!
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    Stay strong and take care of yourself. Can the police give this friend a trespass warning to stay off your property? I hope your son gets someone in the system who will make good decisions.
  5. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    It sounds more and more to me like difficult children behavior is fueled by drug use. Having lived through something similar with my 17 year old - I think you will not be able to affect a change in his behavior untill he gets clean. Mine has been home for 3.5 weeks and his behavior in that time is a 360 degrees from when it was when he left. I would keep the pressure on with getting authorities involved until someone tells him he has to go into treatment or the court gives you outside help. Even if he is just on probation - they can madate treatment, both IOP and counseling. I am glad you called the police and also glad they found the X. My difficult child was using that too and his behavior was out of control. Hopefully he will get caught again soon.
  6. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Good for you & H for calling the police and getting them involved. I know it is hard but you did the right thing. I'd keep the friend out of your house also. I hope the court requires him to get help.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive hugs your way. Many of us have been there done that (with or without the voluntary police intervention) and the memories remain strong and painful BUT keep your eye on the goal. The goal is for him to be healthy and have a future. "Man up" and do what you have to do in an attempt to save his life and his future. Sigh. DDD
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MWM ~ I actually laughed when I read that. My daughter did the same thing. I never thought I would be grateful that she stole by sneaking instead of having the nerve to rifle through my purse in front of me.

    The things that we end up grateful for when we have a difficult child.


    nervous ~ you are doing as well as you can under terrible circumstances. I agree that you should look into a criminal trespassing order against your son's friend. That way you can threaten to call the cops when he comes over and he obviously doesn't want to deal with the police. I didn't even know about them until we were trying to keep my difficult child from coming over to our house after we kicked her out and a wonderful policeman suggested it. He wrote it up right on the spot and it is good for a year.

    As hard as it is to do, keep calling the police every time your son gets out of line. Let him realize that you will not put up with that behavior. As any therapist will tell you . . . you cannot force your son to change his behavior or stop using drugs but you can change your behavior as to what you will tolerate from him and what you will allow in your house.

    Keep posting. This is an incredible place for advice and support.

  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi nervous,
    Just wanted to be another that welcomes you to the board...you will find alot of caring support here.

    I am so sorry your son has been spiraling out of control. Drugs cause so much destruction and the unpredictable nature of our sub abusing children can be VERY scary!

    I am glad your husband called the police...as difficult as that is to do...But these kids have to know we will protect ourselves/property. We are not at their mercy!

    Keep letting son know you WON'T be controlled by a drug...YOU will put a stop to it!
    Hang in there,
  10. nervous

    nervous New Member

    Thanks everyone for your advised & support, it really means a lot to me. difficult child finally came home last night, by himself, kept quiet for the most part, no sign of friend, I didn't find out about court date yet, he has another one pending from a prior incident in which our lawyer advised him to get drug counselling which he did agree to, so we'll see how that all goes.

    It was nice that he was there & quiet, but my nerves were still on edge, wondering if something would happen.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. This is not my parenting area but these ladies have been my cheer leaders and heroes for their difficult child's so I wanted to welcome you.

    My son for different reasons gets aggressive and lately it is more words and demands, blocking and such. I feel like I am always on guard. Even though he is so much better, once you've experienced that, it's hard to shake. I Hope your son really does go to treatment. I wish these kids here in SA understood how blessed they are that they have the chance in life to turn it all around. My son doesn't get to choose to change his diagnosis.

    [though.... I Have a neighbor who runs a residential housing business (group homes, etc) for brain injured adults and many of them are that way from drug abuse. It's very sad.]

    So welcome, the folks here really get it. You are never alone.