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Parent Emeritus
difficult children, curfews, boundaries ...help!
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 530130" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Update:</p><p>Talk went fairly well. I stayed calm and so did she, for the most part. I told her that, if drugs (even, gasp! pot) were part of her life, she could not live here. I asked her to think about it for a few days and to let me know if she planned to stay and live by my rules. I also told her the overnights were not ok. This led to a rather amusing debate. She maintained that, had she come home that night she would have done so "stumbling drunk". I pointed out that, had she come home - even stumbling drunk - she would have been less intoxicated/high by the time we were to leave for the Red Cross brunch than if she' d waited until morning. I also suggested there were alternatives to becoming stumbling drunk to begin with - something she did not want to hear.</p><p></p><p>She tried the "you're judging me" thing. I remained calm and stated that the boundaries I was drawing were boundaries for ME ... you cannot live HERE while smoking pot ... and that I was not attempting the impossible task of telling her she couldn't smoke pot at all (much as I would love to).</p><p></p><p>Mr. Ostrich told me that he'd told her she could not live there because she left her room in what he deescribed as a "toxic dump". I wondered about this as he cannot seem to assert himself in even the tiniest way with her. I came out and asked why she had chosen to live here instead of with dad and she said "I just wanted to be home." I then asked if dad had told her she could not stay there ...she looked astonished and asked "did he say that?" I didn't tell her what he'd said (he is such a flipping coward!!!!), but it it clear to me that he probably would let her live there - pot smoking and all -if she decides not to stay.</p><p></p><p>She knows where she stands now. If she does choose to stay and I see any evidence of her continuing to get high she will have no choice but to leave. I think she'll go to the Ostrich farm on her own.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 530130, member: 9175"] Update: Talk went fairly well. I stayed calm and so did she, for the most part. I told her that, if drugs (even, gasp! pot) were part of her life, she could not live here. I asked her to think about it for a few days and to let me know if she planned to stay and live by my rules. I also told her the overnights were not ok. This led to a rather amusing debate. She maintained that, had she come home that night she would have done so "stumbling drunk". I pointed out that, had she come home - even stumbling drunk - she would have been less intoxicated/high by the time we were to leave for the Red Cross brunch than if she' d waited until morning. I also suggested there were alternatives to becoming stumbling drunk to begin with - something she did not want to hear. She tried the "you're judging me" thing. I remained calm and stated that the boundaries I was drawing were boundaries for ME ... you cannot live HERE while smoking pot ... and that I was not attempting the impossible task of telling her she couldn't smoke pot at all (much as I would love to). Mr. Ostrich told me that he'd told her she could not live there because she left her room in what he deescribed as a "toxic dump". I wondered about this as he cannot seem to assert himself in even the tiniest way with her. I came out and asked why she had chosen to live here instead of with dad and she said "I just wanted to be home." I then asked if dad had told her she could not stay there ...she looked astonished and asked "did he say that?" I didn't tell her what he'd said (he is such a flipping coward!!!!), but it it clear to me that he probably would let her live there - pot smoking and all -if she decides not to stay. She knows where she stands now. If she does choose to stay and I see any evidence of her continuing to get high she will have no choice but to leave. I think she'll go to the Ostrich farm on her own. Dash [/QUOTE]
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