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difficult children driven by money?
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<blockquote data-quote="Babbs" data-source="post: 51770" data-attributes="member: 3820"><p>smallworld - </p><p>I agree that kids need to learn how to be intrinsically rewarded verses bribed all the time. However I also recognize that my son has extreme difficulty with impulse control, delayed gratification, and organizational skills. So I use a token system so that he has a physical manifestation of his good work and sees the direct correlation between that and getting to do something. I've worked really hard with his therapist to build facets into the system to help teach that intrinsic motivation. Scheduling homework first, chores next, then rewards. Rewards are things that you and I would reward ourselves with after a long day of work and chores - play time on a computer, TV time, special time with me, etc. Also, negative consequences are built in to our system. He complains, that's tokens. He argues, that's tokens. He hits, that's tokens. He's watched 2 days of hard work go up in smoke during a 20 minute tantrum due to his lack of control. And then did a beautiful job of reigning in his temper in later in the week with one reminder "do you want to loose tokens?" instead of me having to try to verbally engage him in an unwinable debate. It requires me to be very routine driven and consistent and the list of what he earns is posted for him to refer to. Hopefully this will decrease the "gimmies". He's also 6 and not a teenager yet.</p><p></p><p> I've also gotten very good at recognizing when he has a tearful fit because of being overly challenged and when he just doesn't want to do the task I've requested. He also gets lots of positive feedback with extra tokens when he does what we want him to do spontaneously - like telling me something is hard instead of immediately complaining. He can tell me what he should do, his problem is using the strategies we've worked so hard on teaching him. Medications won't necessarily do that. Practice, reinforcement, and modeling is all I can do at this point to try to help him carryover those skills he's worked so hard on. Like most parents here, I'm willing to try anything that works - so far the positive and negative consequences of a token system are working for him.</p><p></p><p>Babbs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Babbs, post: 51770, member: 3820"] smallworld - I agree that kids need to learn how to be intrinsically rewarded verses bribed all the time. However I also recognize that my son has extreme difficulty with impulse control, delayed gratification, and organizational skills. So I use a token system so that he has a physical manifestation of his good work and sees the direct correlation between that and getting to do something. I've worked really hard with his therapist to build facets into the system to help teach that intrinsic motivation. Scheduling homework first, chores next, then rewards. Rewards are things that you and I would reward ourselves with after a long day of work and chores - play time on a computer, TV time, special time with me, etc. Also, negative consequences are built in to our system. He complains, that's tokens. He argues, that's tokens. He hits, that's tokens. He's watched 2 days of hard work go up in smoke during a 20 minute tantrum due to his lack of control. And then did a beautiful job of reigning in his temper in later in the week with one reminder "do you want to loose tokens?" instead of me having to try to verbally engage him in an unwinable debate. It requires me to be very routine driven and consistent and the list of what he earns is posted for him to refer to. Hopefully this will decrease the "gimmies". He's also 6 and not a teenager yet. I've also gotten very good at recognizing when he has a tearful fit because of being overly challenged and when he just doesn't want to do the task I've requested. He also gets lots of positive feedback with extra tokens when he does what we want him to do spontaneously - like telling me something is hard instead of immediately complaining. He can tell me what he should do, his problem is using the strategies we've worked so hard on teaching him. Medications won't necessarily do that. Practice, reinforcement, and modeling is all I can do at this point to try to help him carryover those skills he's worked so hard on. Like most parents here, I'm willing to try anything that works - so far the positive and negative consequences of a token system are working for him. Babbs [/QUOTE]
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