difficult child's Anxiety Is Up!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Nov 9, 2010.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Just a little and I wouldn't be so nervous about it but for the fact that I am leaving tomorrow on a trip with Diva and won't be back until Sunday night. We are visiting a friend 8 hours away from here so I can't just come back that easily/quickly if needed.

    difficult child texted me at lunch time saying that he was nervous because he had "that feeling" and then forgot his lunch number. I called him and told him to treat it like a panic attack. To know that it is just a passing thing and not to be afraid of it. To combat it with positive thoughts and breathing exercises. He said he wasn't afraid until he couldn't remember the number just seconds after it happened. I told him that when it happens to just relax and breath and give it time to pass, that he may not be back to "normal" as soon as it is over. It is just about 1/2 second or less but lingers in his thought process for a moment. He also will need to let me know every time it happens so I can start a log. He can call me while I am gone so I have documentations in hand to call psychiatrist on Monday if need be.

    I asked about the Adderall and he said it worked but not as much as the last few days. I think we are headed to increase back up to 5 mg but I can not get that done before I leave tomorrow. It will have to wait until Monday.

    He will ride bus to Confirmation and perhaps walk to the bowling alley afterwards to get supper and practice a bit if husband isn't ready to pick him up yet. husband is back at the "farm" and will come home tomorrow afternoon.

    difficult child will need to take care of the puppies until Friday evening when he and husband will take them to the kennel for the weekend.

    The weekend plans are so up in the air that I figured it best just to kennel the puppies for one less thing to worry about. difficult child and husband may go to the "farm" for a long day on Saturday. Diva puppy doesn't go to the farm and sweet puppy shouldn't be out there during hunting season.

    I asked difficult child if he was nervous about me being gone but he said "No". I told him that I think that deep down he is anxious about the next five days even though he is o.k. with it.

    I have his clothes and medications laid out in piles with each day listed. I have the puppies food, health record, and kennel payment ready to go with a list of what they need with them.

    I will come home tomorrow before leaving to make sure the puppies get out for awhile in the afternoon.

    Doesn't help that his locker didn't get shut this afternoon so some kids pulled some item out throwing them on the floor so the Vice Principal picked them up and took them to his office. I went with difficult child to get the items back to make sure they didn't give him grief over the actions of some other kids. They said, "You left your locker open and these were on the floor." in a "this is what you get" attitude. I told them, "He would not have left his stuff in the hallway. Some kids pulled them out and threw them on the ground." Someone also tore the poster off his locker - it is gone! :( 7th and 8th graders can be such brats!

    He wants to go over to a friend's house after school on Thursday. That is up to husband but I recommended that he not go this time. Just one more thing that husband has to do. Picking difficult child up is not easy since he gets carried away and doesn't always answer his phone or watch the time to be ready. Best they don't deal with that. He needs to come home at take care of the puppies anyway since I will not be home.

    I am going to enjoy this girl's weekend out with Diva and not worry too much about difficult child.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you sure Adderrall isn't making him nervous? I tried a round of Ritalin once and I got so nervous after just the first day that I never took it again.

    My daughter just started Concerta and I was going to pull her off of it if it made her feel funny in any way, but she doesn't really have high anxiety so she's been ok. Still...I told her to let me know if she starts to feel different in any way. Adderrall is the strongest stimulant, which is why it is abused a lot on the street. If he is getting more panicky now, I'd consider no longer using stimulants. After all, they ARE speed and for high anxiety people, every little difference in the way we feel can kick off panic.It does improve concentration, but...in my opinion, not worth it for the extra load of anxiety, at least not for me. Does he have ADHD?
    Good luck! Hope you figure something out before you have to leave.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    you need to go and have a good time. At 14, difficult child needs to have some independence from his mom - I think this trip is a good thing. Laying out AND labeling his clothes for example. If you feel more comfortable laying out his clothes, cool. But labeling them by day? I think you need to give him a little room here......If difficult child wants to go to his buddy's house, let husband deal with it.

    You are a control person like I am for sure. But I tell you, we have to allow our difficult children to spread out and make some choices, mistakes or no in order to grow.

    You and Diva are going to have a great time! Don't worry about your "boys". They will survive - clean clothes or not!!!!!

  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    He has been diagnosed with a form of ADHD. The doctor and I have both asked him if he really thinks he needs the medication. He says it is hard to concentrate now that the classroom work is getting harder. I didn't start him on it this fall because I wanted to see if he could do without. I will talk to him about the medications making him feel like ths more often. We can't make changes this week since I will be gone. By the time I get back, we will have a better handle of what is going on. I let him take the lead on this one - he knows what is working and not working - we just have to help him see the pros and cons and if the hike in anxiety is the con of medications and not of activities going on then that will be a very big con to consider. I am certain he will want to drop the medication if we find that is the case.

    I do know that there are some more things going on in his world that could cause the anxiety to go up a little. I always look for a cause though I know there doesn't need to be one. However, I am going to keep the stimulant in mind.

    I am sorry, I should have clarified the "labeling". It wasn't for his clothes, it was for his medications. He does not take Adderall on the weekends so I put the medications for each day in a baggie with that day's name on an index card. Two medication days with Adderall and two without. Yes, he can do whatever he wants with the clothes, I just made sure he had enough clean ones.

    LOL! It is easy to get into the control mode when your kids start to spread the wings a little wider to want to fly a little further. We all know kids want to do more than they are ready for so it is up to us to decide if they are ready. Also, when you are the one that has to pick up the pieces because others don't pay attention to the details you try to set things up to run smoothly. So, I set things up but know that my thought out plans will not be followed completely. Of course, if I was not going to be gone, I would not be as attentive to the details.

    I am not concerned with difficult child going to the friend's place as much as I am concerned with husband picking him up. I don't know that husband really knows where the home is. If difficult child will not answer his cell when husband is trying to reach him for directions or anything else that bothers me. I do get a tad mad when I can not get him picked up when I want to from this particular friend's home because he will not answer his phone. I don't have the problem with other friends. I am trying to make that day easier for husband. But as you said, it is husband's call. They can do whatever they want while I am gone.

    Yes, difficult child and husband will do fine and I am starting to really look forward to this trip.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Can't you get the home or cell numbers of the parents of his friend?
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I do have it and will give to husband. I just hate having to call them when difficult child should be responsible enough to answer his phone. I would rather let him know that I am ready to get him without the parents being disturbed from whatever they are doing to tell the boys to wrap it up.

    It is not uncommon for me to set 6:30 pick up. Call him at 6:30 to say I am a block away to be ready and for him to reply, "We have to finish this round of the game and then clean up." It has taken up to 20 minutes of me sitting outside waiting for that!
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    where are you guys going? and where did all these puppies come from? i'm so out of the loop wrapped up in all my drama lol.

    and yea he'll be fine and you'll have fun. and i wouldn't even log the stuff and ask him to tell you each time, that's just me. i do not do that with difficult child who is 11. i have her explain in her own words how she is feeling when we go to the docs. way i see it this is a lifetime illness of her's she's gotta learn to self advocate i wont' be around forever. just my thoughts...
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    but i do keep a log of side effects of medications. hmm just thought of that lol
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you Jen - Yes, it is time to turn more responsibility over to difficult child. I have been having him do the talking in doctor visits.

    Diva and I had a great time. difficult child did well. He did get to go to his friend's house. He told me that it would help with his nervousness and I agreed. On Friday after dropping the 2 dogs off at the kennel, he and husband went to the "farm" for the weekend. He sometimes get bored while there and that is a big trigger to his anxiety. His ear has been bothering him for a few days so that also adds to the anxiety. They came home earlier than anticipated. When I spoke with husband, he said difficult child was not feeling well. I am sure a good night's sleep will help. He text me this morning to say he was scared so I pointed him to his tools and talked to him about being overly tired - two nights sleep at the farm is not helpful - not very comfortable for him.

    I just don't like the intensity of the anxiety. I need to figure out if a call to psychiatrist is in order. I may wait a few days and see if it goes down now that this weekend is over. He did have a good time at the "farm".

    Diva puppy will be 3 years old in January so not much of a puppy anymore. Diva got her and was responsible for her. It kept Diva from running too late at night - she had to be home ALL night to take care of puppy's overnight needs. Diva puppy also helped in difficult child's healing. Now that Diva is not home very often (lives in a different town for college and only comes home every other weeked or so when her work requires) diva puppy's care has fallen to difficult child and myself. Once Diva is done with school (one more year after this one) than she will look for a place to live that accepts pets. (She may be married soon after graduating)

    Sweet puppy we just got this summer. A much needed larger (too much larger) dog for difficult child. Diva puppy has trouble keeping up with difficult child running around the neighborhood. She is a lap dog so not made for the rugged excersise of a boy. She still gets to be out and about with him when she wants to.

    Although she will be much bigger than I really wanted, sweet puppy is a wonderful addition to our family. She doesn't shed and she gets along well with everyone in the neighborhood (my two top priorities). She is very smart and at 6 months old already obeys some basic commands such as come, sit, kennel. As a baby still, she doesn't always come when called but is getting much better at it. We get lots of comments on how mellow she is for a puppy. She gets on diva puppy's nerves though because she uses her puppy energy to try to get diva puppy to play and diva puppy is in teenage mode so you can imagine that doesn't work out too well sometimes. However, she does get diva puppy to run which helps keep diva puppy in shape. I noticed that she has gotten a little testier this past week so we will need to find more ways to challenge her before she starts challenging us too much. She is trying to say "no" to us at inappropriate times! :) Just like any toddler! LOL! It doesn't help to have diva puppy around when we try to work with sweet puppy so we will need to find some one on one time with her more often to work on her skills.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Andy, you've worked & advocated so hard up to this point & done a wonderful :warrior:mum job.

    I'm having the same issues turning many of the skills we've worked so hard to teach our "little wonders" over to them to handle ~ it's hard not to manage from afar. To consider all the "what ifs" & "maybes" while you're gone isn't going to happen.

    I hope you had a good weekend away & could enjoy yourself.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Hi, i'm glad you had a great time and i'm glad you like the new puppy. Puppies really can make you smile, and bring pee as well as happiness into a home :)

    As far as difficult child's anxiety goes, it doesn't sound too bad to me. I find alot of times with-our kids that do have anxiety they are very symptomatic, I think it's also due to the heightened anxiety and the fact they are sooo attuned to the inner workings of their bodies. Whether it be their breathing, or hearts, ears, etc.

    Not that i'm any great parent at this being i have difficult child who is now not eating lol, yet truth is i put it back on difficult child alot when she complains of pains, nervousness, etc. Instead of "giving" her the answers I plop it back on her by saying "what do you think you need to do to make yourself feel better?". your difficult child has def. been taught the tools, you have been a great staunch advocate for him I agree bigtime, and he's a super smart kid yet I just feel like our job with these difficult child's of ours' is to become non essential in a sense in their lives. I always think with almost each week that passes I want her to not NEED me as much as she does. Simple truth is someday we won't be here. May sound dramatic yet it's the truth.

    I'm soo glad he did well, he knew what he needed that being going to a friends house, he problem solved in a sense his own issue and that in itself is huge. Mine does that sometimes, yet now with the increased time with-me she's becoming reliant again on me too much.

    Honestly what you explain we see everyday with-difficult child all day long. This hurts, that hurts, i'm nervous, etc. yet she's also smart and she tends to be manipulative and craves attention. so there's always that "behavioral" piece in play. i'Tourette's Syndrome almost like i have to sit back and say ok is this pure anxiety talking or "her" manipulation and constant need for attention. it's a mix up on certain days.

    you've been thru hell and back with-him, and done an awesome job. i think the both of you know how bad it can be, and maybe are a bit nervous too NATURALLY of going down that same road again. Just try to remember just as you as a parent are filled with-wisdom due to the past, so is he.

    I'm so glad you guys got a break, soo healthy what you did. I am a fan of you at this point. I gotta learn how to take care of me again even thru this craziness i'm going thru

  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you Timer and Jen! :) Yes, we are in the next stage of me stepping back even further and waiting even longer to jump in. It is easier to do so when I am not 8 hours away! LOL!

    I am hoping the rise in anxiety was due to the fact that I was so far away and not the ADHD medication. If it is the medication than I don't want to wait too long in pulling it but if it is just natural mom's away feelings then he can manage that. If he is the same in a few days, I may have to look at the medications?

    And then, as he said one time, "It could just be puberty!" I am sure there are changes he is going through that will play into the anxiety from time to time.

    So, in a nut shell, if his medications cause a rise in anxiety, than I need to help get those changed. If it is anything else, then he needs to deal with it using his tools.